ACE PARENTING TIPS EXPOSED

This Parenting Advice is Worth Sharing

2009-12-08T12:19:00.000-08:00

I recently heard this story from an employee and just knew I needed to share it with you.

Recently at lunch with a group of coworkers, we focused our attention on one of our coworkers who was about to deliver her first baby. Light hearted conversation followed with some suggestions from some of us more seasoned parents. When asked what my advice might be as a parent of two young adults and a teenager, I found the question too daunting to come up with an answer.

I looked at the expectant mothers innocent face full of wonder and anticipation for this miraculous new season of life while 20+ years of parenting choices flashed in my mind nursing vs. baby formula, am I leaving my child vulnerable to disease if I don't immunize or am I subjecting them to risk by immunizing, how can I possibly balance all the demands on my time, is daycare a good thing or not, are we compromising too much by what our kids are exposed to riding the bus and going to public school, I know the movie is rated PG13 but todays PG13 is like yesterdays R rated movie, how can I give permission for my daughter's Brownie leader to drive her troop to Brownie outings when she has a known drinking problem, I know you want to sleep over at your friend's house but we don't feel that her dad is safe the choices got progressively harder as our children got older. I often felt the choices and scenarios were impossible.

Okay, so experienced parent that I am, what's my advice? What has been my fail-safe response? Believe it or not, I do have one that has NEVER failed me. Not even once.

My advice to parents is to grasp the incredible power available to them as they pray for their children. No one can speak into a child's life the way a parent can. God has anointed parents and given them authority over all of the challenges their children are facing.

This didn't make my parenting challenges go away but I'll tell you what it did do. First and foremost prayer for my children changed me. My awareness of how inadequate I was to make decisions on behalf of this individual who I loved more than my own life, drew me closer to God than any experience could have. I learned to trust Him and rely on Him. I began to experience His peace over my over-stimulated and conflicted mind. I learned his faithful nature as I watched him bring us through challenge after challenge. I personally and intimately experienced His provision, His protection, His promises and a stronger faith.

As parents, you and I are in the unique position to pray over every aspect of our children's lives.

Here's what has worked for me. As I move through the day, I pray over all the little caretaking tasks of parenting. I thank God for His provision as I wash my kid's clothes and ask Him to cover them with protection and guidance as they pull their hooded sweatshirts on. I thank God for the ability to care for my family and ask Him to bless their health as I make their meals. I pray for His peace over their beds as I put things away in their rooms. I pray for God's wisdom and discernment over their backpacks as I step over them walking in the door. I pray for self control and purity as I dust the Television and pick up their iPods. I pray for the blessing of godly relationships over their cell phones.

Powerful words of prayer will make parenting a joyful adventure full of inspiration!

That's what I'm going to say the next time I'm asked for seasoned parenting advice.

Mark Arens, motivational speaker and author of seven best selling children's books that are designed to help parents express love to their children while developing a foundation of self worth that leads to self respect. More-->>http://www.thepowerfulword.com/index.

7 Ways To Earn Respect From Our Children

2009-12-08T12:17:00.000-08:00

1. Discipline them:

Of course disciplining our children is a given in any home. But we need to ask ourselves if we are disciplining our children properly? Who rules the perch in your home? How often do your children tell you what THEY are going to do?

Did you know children want discipline and structure in their life? When we take the time to discipline our children, and on a consistent basis, we are actually helping them to develop their character? Correct discipline is a necessary part of the growth process and we shouldn't hold back on fulfilling our responsibilities as parents. The less we spend disciplining and counseling our children the less they will feel loved by us.

2. Be a good example:

Children and teenagers sometimes do dangerous and foolish things, and that is because they do not understand or THINK about the consequences. Young minds do not have the wisdom to discern properly about the real dangers of drugs, sex, etc. Just hanging out with the wrong crowd of kids can lead our children down a destructive path.

The proper correction a child receives must be consciously taught starting when they are very young, and this means we need to take our role as parents more seriously. We are to be the good example for our children to follow. We wouldn't want to give our responsibility to someone else, would we? Just as God trains and corrects us to make us better people, so too, must we as parents discipline our children to give them the wisdom and common sense to know from right and wrong. We are in control of our children's destiny. Let's show by example.

3. Teach them about God:

Parenting is never easy, especially when we actually put forth energy to do it. That is why God has given His guidance to help direct us along the way. God's guidance can become a father's spiritual authority.

A father should use that authority wisely. Firstly by protecting his sons, and especially daughters from outside influences. The whole purpose of parental discipline is to help children grow and learn to be honest, loving adults, is it not? One of the greatest responsibilities we have as parents is to teach our children the value of wisdom and spiritual truth. Where do you think wisdom comes from? Parents have wisdom and that wisdom can get passed on to children but in the end all wisdom and truth come from God.

[Fathers, do not exasperate your children, instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4]

4. Show them love:

How hard can it be to show our children how much we love them? Well we have to take the time to show love rather than buy love. More often than not, our busy schedules refrain us from spending quality time with our children, so what do we do? We buy them stuff. It's great that we want our children to have things but lets not let those things take the place of our love.

Schedule a convenient time, at least once a week, to spend the whole day with your child. You may not know this but our children do enjoy hanging out with us once in a while, especially when we treat them with respect and love. We do this by showing interest in their interests even if it seems wild or frivolous to us. We ought to try and be more understanding of their needs.

5. Tell them no:

Why are we so afraid to tell our children no? Did you know that most of the time when our children act out in dress, attitude, behavior, drugs, sex, they are actually calling out for love. That's all they want! Whose responsibility is it to give them the love they deserve? Children learn at a very young age that by using manipulative behaviors it will get us to pay more attention to them. And it works! But screaming and nagging doesn't. Ignoring them doesn't work either. Our children wish we would tell them no. All they want is our attention.

[Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will be a delight to your soul. Proverbs 29:17]

6. Submit to one another:

Everyone in the home should submit to each other out of mutual respect for one another. It is not just the wife who needs to submit to her husband but the husband to the wife, the mother to the children, dad to the children, and children to siblings and parents.

What's going to happen in a home where everyone succumbs to each other? There would be peace, tranquility, happiness, and satisfaction. This is what God wants for the family.

[But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness. James 3:17-18]

7. Be their friend:

First we have to be parents and then it is perfectly ok to be friends too. We want them to trust and confide in us, don't we? Yes, and that is why we need to know who are children are by getting involved in their life. We shouldn't ignore them, reject them, or discourage them in their endeavors. We need to put forth a little bit more effort to SHOW love to our children, and we will see that we'll get the respect we want and need.

Fathers do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. Colossians 3:21

Angie Lewis is the author of "Love The Man You Married", a women's handbook for marriage that brings back the greatest design for marriage there ever was.

Angie reveals biblical secrets for the ideal marriage, from infidelity to forgivness, each chapter desribes in detail the divinly inspired answers for you to apply into your marriage. Love The Man You Married!

Angie also wrote Journey on the Roads Less Traveled, where she offers spiritual enlightenment tips for couples in marriage. She talks about love, life, marriage, children, addiction, temptation, and understanding the power of spiritual awareness for marriage.

Angie writes a monthly newsletter where she reveals her secrets on how YOU can stay happily married for life!

Subscribe to get your FREE monthly newsletter so you can learn to stay happily and forever married! http://www.heavenministries.com/

Raising Twins - Top 5 Survival Tips

2009-11-08T12:10:00.000-08:00

Having twins is super exciting! The excitement fades very quickly however after the sleepless nights, crying (oh the crying), fighting with your spouse, and never being able to meet all the demands on you. The following 5 tips should help make raising twins a little less crazy.

Tip One: Get help! Don't be a martyr - you'll suffer and so will your twins. Friends, family, mother-in-law, neighborhood kids, mother's helpers, nanny - whoever you can get - line them all up to help you. Of course, everyone will want to see the babies and help with the babies. They can - for a minute - but then put them to work making meals, doing laundry (oh the laundry), and cleaning the house. This will allow you the time to bond with and enjoy your twins.

Tip Two: Do not turn on the TV. This may sound like a strange tip - it's not. The reality is that watching TV will waste away your precious time, keep you up late, and throw the twins' schedules off. You'll sit there exhausted right through the commercials and wait until another dumb show is over. Before you know it, it's 11:00PM, you're exhausted and ready for bed, but guess what - it's feeding time! Instead, watch videos. With videos, you have control. You can pause and start again without the fear of missing something. Watch short comedies that last only 1/2 an hour. Laughter is key during the first year, otherwise you'll go nuts. "Whose Line is it Anyway" clips are fantastic for this, but watch whatever makes you laugh.

Tip Three: Domestic chores - Delegate! Get your groceries delivered, or have someone else do the shopping. You want to hand off as many domestic responsibilities as you can so you can spend time with your twins. If it's in the budget, hire a maid service to come in and clean the house. This takes a huge load off you. If money's tight, you can always do it once per month, or every other month. It's just nice to have someone else clean the toilets and dig out the ground-in Cheerios from the carpets.

Tip Four: Take time for you. Get out of the house. Get a massage. Take a bath. Take naps. See friends. You'll need to schedule this time - it won't come naturally as your job is never done for the day - or night! Work with your spouse to coordinate "time-off" and take advantage of any help you can get to take the breaks you'll need.

Tip Five: Routine. You can't wing this. Develop routines and patterns. Get up, feed them, get dressed, feed them, change them, feed them, nap them, feed them - you get the idea. They'll adapt quickly to routines and your days will become smoother.

As a side note, there WILL be times when you don't think you can go on - this is normal. There WILL be times when you want to run screaming bloody murder - this is normal. You can and WILL get through this.

-Ted Olson
Founder, BusyTwins.com
Parenting Tips and Advice for Raising Twins

6 Parenting Tips on Special Education Law and Transportation

2009-10-17T09:24:00.001-07:00

Are you the parent of a child with autism or a physical disability that needs transportation? Do you wonder what the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) states is the schools responsibility, to provide transportation for your child? This article will discuss what IDEA requires as far as transportation for your child with a disability. Also discussed are parenting tips that you can use, to help your child receive this important service.

Under IDEA transportation is considered a related service. A related service is transportation, developmental, corrective, and other services. . .as may be required to assist a child with a disability to benefit from special education. . .
What this means is that if your child requires transportation in order to benefit from their education, special education personnel are required to provide it.

Parenting Tips:

1. When advocating for your child, remember that; transportation not only means to and from school, but also in and around the school building, and any specialized equipment required by your child.

2. Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act prevents discrimination on the basis of disability. The law reads: No qualified student shall on the basis of handicap, be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits of, or otherwise be subjected to discrimination under any . . .transportation. . .or activity.

For Example: Your child with a physical disability is not allowed to go on a field trip, because the class cannot get the wheelchair bus. This would be a section 504 complaint, because your child is being discriminated against, on the basis of their disability. I have dealt with this situation, and the school district usually quickly fixes the transportation problem, if you tell them that you may file a Section 504 complaint. Section 504 is covered by the Office of Civil Rights in Washington, though each state has at least one office.

3. If your child requires an assistant in the classroom then you may be able to get a bus assistant, if your child's disability requires it. The goal of transportation as a related service is to provide safe access to education. So if your child needs a bus assistant in order to get safely to school, school personnel are required to provide it.

4. If your school district is not providing needed transportation for your child, you can be reimbursed, for providing the transportation yourself. Make sure that your child's IEP, states that they need transportation as a related service, and that you will be reimbursed.

A district may also be required to reimburse parents where:

A. Transportation is needed to provide FAPE and the district fails to meet its obligation.
B. The district doesn't recognize the need for transportation.
C. The district makes inadequate provisions for transportation.

5. If your child's extracurricular activity is related to their IEP goals and objectives, then transportation must be given. For Example: If your child has autism and needs to work on social skills, they can gain that from extra curricular activities. In that case transportation needs to be given by your school district.

6. School districts are not allowed to shorten your child's school day due to transportation. Unfortunately it happens all the time, and you may have to stand up to special education personnel for the good of your child.

IDEA gives children with disabilities equal educational opportunity, which means a full school day. I have often said that if parents of children without disabilities found out there child was to leave school early for transportation, they would be outraged. But parents of special needs children are supposed to accept it. Do not accept it, stand up for your child.See more here:www.afectionandmarriage.com/

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Letting Go Of The Child You Love

2009-10-03T06:28:00.001-07:00

It takes every ounce of fiber in you to refrain from intervening. You must be willing to let go of her as she self-destructs because it's what she wants. Out of love for her, you behave in the very manner that is so repugnant to you: you do nothing.

For eighteen years it has been your responsibility to do: with her, for her,because ofher. Your duty, as you perceived it, was to stay involved in her life. Your duty, now, as she perceives it, is to stay out of her life.

When did it all begin to change? When did she suddenly decide that she did not need the very mother to whom she used to cling? That child that would rather die than hurt her mother-- where is she now? You wonder if you held her too closely. You doubt your judgment in telling her how special she was: maybe it was too much for her to live up to. Loneliness covers you like gauze as you wonder who it is she tells her secret dreams to. You hope she still has dreams.

You think you must have felt it coming: that time when you would have to set her free; but you thought it would be more amiable. You agree that every person has the right to self-determinism; but as you watch her acting out her lack of self-respect, you realize you only believed that in theory.

You remember how you talked of her future with expectant hearts. She had so much going for her. You thought you had happy productive days planned. Did she find something more desirable -- something she was more comfortable with than success? You search for clues that would have allowed you to see how much she hates herself, but none come forward.

You try not to show your repulsion as you look at the sleazy dress that almost covers her amply endowed breasts and buttocks. A lump lodges in your throat as you try to find those beautiful soft, brown eyes amidst the purple and green eye shadows packed on her lids. You're repelled by her tatoo-covered legs, and you're relieved she does not offer to kiss you with those blood-red, over-lined lips. You remember how she used to sit on the floor with her head in your lap so you could stroke her soft, shiny brown hair. What provokes this memory is looking at the teased, gelled, punked-out mess that sits atop her head in flagrant defiance.

She informs you she has a right to live her own life no matter how shabby it is. Her declarations of independence spew out like venom and head straight for your heart. You wonder who is this person is as her once-radiant face now contorts into the ugliness of anger. Is this the same child whose face lit up as she sang "Jesus Loves Me," who memorized scriptures voluntarily? Is this the same girl who seemed to understand spiritually mature principles of scripture at a young age?

Friends who hardly spoke to you before, now find it necessary to report when and where they've seen her--and with whom. What makes them think you want to be reminded of her dissolute lifestyle?

Now you know what a cornered animal feels like. You cannot step in and fix things as you've always done -- she will not allow it. For her sake, you will not even try. It would only make her more dependent on your judgment, on your experience, and you cannot deprive her of her own experience. You dare not send her any messages that cause her to believe she is incapable of being her own person.

No, any intervention at this point, would only prolong the inevitable: she would find it necessary to tear away from you later, perhaps then, tearing bigger pieces of both your hearts.

Now you wait for her to find herself -- to find you again. You pray it happens before she destroys the child you love. You wonder how long it will take, and if you'll still be alive.

And then you remember that Isaiah 54:13 promises that your children shall be taught of the Lord. And you are reminded in Philippians 2:6 that He who began the good work in [her] will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ. And you realize that, like Hannah who kept her promise to God and turned her only son over to Eli and his wicked sons, you have to trust God to protect your child, even in the midst of a wicked world.

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Tips to Better Parenting!

2009-10-03T06:24:00.001-07:00

1) Discipline While They Are Young.
2) Spend A Lot Of Quality Time With Them.
3) Protect Them Throughout The Years.

Many people wonder what the secret is to raising good children. The truth is that there is no secret, but it does take a lot of effort on the parents end.

First tip is in the act of discipline. There must be some sort of discipline in the household and you have to start while they are young. If you give them everything they want when they are of the younger age it will ruin chances of guiding them when they get to their teens.

Second tip, you must spend plenty of time with them while they are at home. Family time is a very important key to good parenting. Read books together, sit down for a family game or maybe have a movie night. You don't always need to be with your children, but you do however need to spend the time with them to check up on their lives.

Third tip, protect them. One way you may be able to protect is the choice of schools. Public schools for example have higher rates of problems. Drugs, violence, gangs, and etc. tend to be more among public schools. Check into a private school. Preferably a christian one. Protect them in the manner of watching who they go out with and how late. You can give them some trust, but remember to follow-up on how wisely they spent their time out.

Those tips are only a start as I'm positive you will find many more. Always remember to love your children and live life with them.

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The Importance Of Reading Fairy Tales In A Child's Life

2009-10-03T06:22:00.001-07:00

The Importance of Fairy Tales in a Child's Life
Wisdom from Bruno Bettelheim's The Uses of Enchantment

I spent many delicious hours as a child reading fairy tales. Even today, many of the stories I devoured ring clear in my head, although I have not read them in perhaps forty years. Stories of dancing princesses escaping to an underground world of music and balls, the finding of a magic ring baked in a cake, the agony of a sister trying to free her brothers from a spell that has changed them into swans-these elements of fairy tales sank deep into my heart and imagination and continue with me today. Why is this?

As I pondered this question, I had a chance meeting with a woman who had run a Christian bookstore for years. She told me of the many parents who would come into the store looking for suitable reading material for their children. When offered fairy tales, they would shy away, fearing the dark and disturbing images that had the potential to frighten and traumatize their young ones. Their argument would go like this: "Fairy tales are scary and present the world dishonestly. They would make my child confused as to what is real and what is fabricated. They are full of ogres and witches and giants, so why should I allow my child to be terrified by things that aren't even real?"

Because I write full-length Christian-based fairy tales, I decided to explore these questions and address these valid concerns of many parents. I thought back to a book I had read when my first daughter was born: Bruno Bettelheim's famous book, The Uses of Enchantment. I remember the impact that book had on me, and because of its logic, chose to immerse my children in the world of fantasy and fairy tales throughout their childhood. Now that they are grown, I have asked them how these stories have shaped and affected their worldview and creativity. They have no doubt that their lives have been seriously enriched by this experience, and reading fairy tales has contributed toward their healthy and confident attitudes about the challenges and terrors of this life.

Bruno Bettelheim was a child psychologist, famous for his research on autism. The aforementioned book written in 1976 won him a National Book Award. I love what he writes in the introduction. "Wisdom does not burst forth fully developed like Athena out of Zeus's head; it is built up, small step by small step, from most irrational beginnings. Only in adulthood can an intelligent understanding of the meaning of one's existence in this world be gained from one's experiences in it. Unfortunately, too many parents want their children's minds to function as their own do-as if mature understanding of ourselves and the world, and our ideas about the meaning of life, did not have to develop as slowly as our bodies and minds. Today, as in times past, the most important and also the most difficult task in raising a child is helping him to find meaning in life."

Working in the field of autism presented Bettelheim with the challenge of restoring meaning to the lives of severely disturbed children. He found most literature for young readers to be sadly lacking in the ability to accomplish this task, but also knew that literature held the best promise to pass on cultural heritage, which he felt was crucial. And this was what he deemed necessary: "To enrich [the child's] life, it must stimulate his imagination; help him to develop his intellect and to clarify his emotions; be attuned to his anxieties and aspirations; give full recognition to his difficulties, while at the same time relate to all aspects of his personality-and this without ever belittling but, on the contrary, giving full credence to the seriousness of the child's predicaments, while simultaneously promoting confidence in himself and in his future." He goes on to say how important it is that literature provide a moral education which subtly, and through implication only, "conveys to him the advantages of moral behavior." His conclusion? "The child finds this kind of meaning through fairy tales."

The German poet Schiller wrote: "Deeper meaning resides in the fairy tales told to me in my childhood than in the truth that is taught by life." How can this be? Bettelheim says, "These tales start where the child really is in his psychological and emotional being. They speak about his severe inner pressures in a way that the child unconsciously understands and . . . offers examples of both temporary and permanent solutions to pressing difficulties."

Parents longing to protect their children from evil, scary things in the world do well to remember that this is the world to which we are preparing them to face. By hiding that world from their awareness, by trying to postpone or color the harsh realities of life, we are doing them a great disservice. We have the Bible as the master example of frankness and the revealing and candid exposing of evil in its many forms. God did not censor murder, rape, betrayal, cruelty, incest, and even sexual passion from the pages of His word. Parents may argue that a young child does not need to learn about these things, and it is true-there is a time and season for all things, and some are best to cover when a child may be more mature to understand and emotionally deal with some of these things.

Here's what Bettelheim says: "In child or adult, the unconscious is a powerful determinant of behavior. When the unconscious is repressed and its content denied entrance into awareness, then eventually the person's conscious mind will be partially overwhelmed by derivatives of these unconscious elements, or else he is forced to keep such rigid, compulsive control over them that his personality may become severely crippled . . . . The prevalent parental belief is that a child must be diverted from what troubles him most: his formless, nameless anxieties, and his chaotic, angry, and even violent fantasies. Many parents believe that only conscious reality or pleasant and wish-fulfilling images should be presented to the child-that he should be exposed only to the sunny side of things. But such one-sided fare nourishes the mind only in a one-sided way, and real life is not all sunny."

Rather than shelter children from life's evils, we can equip them with the tools needed to face them head-on with confidence. Bettelheim says that a struggle against severe difficulties in life is unavoidable, is an intrinsic part of human experience. If one does not shy away, "but steadfastly meets unexpected and often unjust hardships, one masters all obstacles and at the end emerges victorious."

The Elements of Fairy Tales

The fairy tale, according to Bettelheim, confronts the child squarely with the most scary subjects in life: death, aging, loss of a parent, being trapped or lost, and other stresses. The fairy tale simplifies all situations, allowing the child to come to grips with the problem in its most essential form. The figures are clearly drawn and the details, unless very important, are eliminated. All characters are typical rather than unique. Evil is as common as any virtue and both are usually embodied in the form of a figure or their actions. Evil is not without its attractions, "symbolized by the mighty dragon or giant, the power of the witch, the cunning queen in 'Snow White.' " In many fairy tales the usurper succeeds for a time-as with Cinderella's sisters and step-mother-but in the end, the evildoer is punished, and the moral is that crime does not pay. Because the child follows the hero through his or her journey, he can identify with the hero in all his struggles-suffering and triumphing with him. Bettelheim says that the child "makes such identifications all on his own, and the inner and outer struggles of the hero imprint morality on him."

The most important element in fairy tales, to me, is the moral choice presented to the hero. The child learns that choices have consequences, and the child can choose what kind of person she wants to be. Only by "going out into the world" does the hero learn, and acquire happiness. The fairy tale is future-oriented and guides the child, so that instead of escaping into a world of unreality, she is given tools to help her develop character and courage to face what the world presents to her. Often the hero is lost, alone, frightened. These are feelings a child identifies with. Yet, her hero is guided and given help along the way because of his determination and courage. In this way, fairy tales work their own kind of magic, for in reading them, the child feels understood and enriched, giving the child what Bettelheim says is "an enchanted quality just because he does not quite know how the stories have worked their wonder on him.

"Fairy tales, unlike any form of literature, direct the child to discover his identity and calling, and they also suggest what experiences are needed to develop his character further. Fairy tales intimate that a rewarding, good life is within one's reach despite adversity-but only if one does not shy away from the hazardous struggles without which one can never achieve true identity." This is a basic tenet of the Bible as well: that those who want to please God and obtain his favor need to endure difficulties; that these trials produce endurance, character, and hope, and that the hope does not disappoint (Romans 5:3-5).

So, do not discount fairy tales as a bad influence on your children. Rather, be selective, and choose age-appropriate stories to give to them. But do not be afraid of unleashing their imagination and letting them confront their darkest fears. By giving them heroes to identify with, you are letting those fears surface in a subtle manner, and allowing your child to find his courage and make moral choices vicariously-choices that will build his character and have influence on the rest of his life.

I look at my daughters, now grown, and see how that world of imagination and fantasy helped them to face evil and struggles, gave them confidence and courage, and stimulated their imagination which poured over into their art, writing, poetry, and music. We cannot hide our children from the evils of the world, and even explaining everything in a pat manner from God's Word does not dispel the deep fears and worries a child has. Only by bringing them to the surface in a safe and imaginative way can we as parents help them mature and become responsible adults. I think of that word, responsible, as response-able, for that is our goal: to help our children become able to respond competently to any situation life puts before them, and fairy tales will help them do just that.

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Practical Ways to Train Christians

2009-10-03T06:20:00.001-07:00

In the practice of the Christian religion the upbringing of the Christian child is of immense importance. This is the reason for which it is accorded preeminence in all of the Christian faith. For instance, parents, in clear terms are charged not to provoke their children to anger lest they be discouraged (Col 3: 21). The consequence, if parents act in disobedience to this biblical injunction is that the children will become discouraged. And if a child is discouraged it is most likely that he/she will resist good training. It will then be difficult, if not impossible, to preach amongst other things, salvation to such a child. This, therefore, is one responsibility that parents should learn not to toy with because it can make or break the child's salvation.

Little wonder then that it is a solemn obligation for Christian parents to give their children the instruction and correction that will amount to befitting qualities for Christian children. Parents themselves in their daily conducts are advised to be good reflectors of the right Christian life both in their actions and deeds - this plays up the maxim that 'you can't give what you don't have'.

To better act the role in a manner that will be useful to humanity, parents should tend their care and training toward children's salvation rather than dedicate the entirety of their energy to mundane pleasures like jobs, professions, ministries, money and social standing (Psalm 127:3).

Firm Christian teachings and instructions (Eph 6:4 and Col 3:21) hold parents duty-bound to give their children the upbringing that will make them pleasing to, and acceptable by God. By and large therefore, it becomes self-revealing that it is the family, not the church or Christian school that is essentially responsible for good spiritual training of the Christian child. Sunday school activities merely assist parental duties.

The purport of all of this is the child's heart. It is that the heart of the father should be turned to the heart of the child in order to bring the heart of the child to the heart of the CREATOR. Here is where the very heart of the nature of the Christian religion lies.

But in performing this all-important role, the parents, at every given moment, should be so broad-minded that they entertain no favoritism. Encouragement of the children is necessary. Correction is a must. Most of all punishment stands non-negotiable in dealing with matters bordering on intentional wrongdoing.

In closing, our principal charge to Christian parents remains: Instruct your children with patience and understanding. Dedicate your lives to your children with a heart of compassion, kindness, humility and gentleness.

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Spiritual Shape Shifting - Christian Leadership in an Amoral Society

2009-10-03T06:18:00.001-07:00

Introduction

“…the moral elements are among the most important in war. They constitute the spirit that permeates war as a whole, and at an early stage they establish a close affinity with the will that moves and leads the whole mass of force, practically merging with it, since the will is itself a moral quantity. Unfortunately they will not yield to academic wisdom. They cannot be classified or counted. They have to be seen or felt.”
--Carl von Clausewitz
On War

The value system of American society has become increasingly more relaxed towards the rights and freedoms of individual citizens in establishing and living by their own values. “Morality” has become a dirty word in many societal circles as criteria for determining right and wrong. Leaders sometimes avoid spiritual discussion asserting that it does not impact effectiveness. We can certainly desire only to be effective leaders and describe and justify those traits that will lead to effective leadership. But if that is all we aim for, then we have removed the moral component out of that description and we should not pretend that the resulting traits are ethical. ‘The ends do not always justify the means.’

It is not sufficient that we allow our success to determine what the core morals are. This is because the way we act largely determines the kind of people we become. Since dishonest people and criminals do not live the good life, it would be irrational to act in such a way to become such a person. Leaders require integrity, discipline, accountability, commitment, innovation, and intelligence to inspire and direct others to achieve goals. While this is not intended to be an exhaustive list, nor a complete account of the leadership values, it does illustrate how one can derive and justify relevant virtues.

Leadership versus Management

“Leadership is a function, not a position.” (Lewis, 1996) There is a continuing controversy about the difference between leadership and management. It is possible that a person can be a leader without being a manager (e.g., an informal leader), and a person can be a manager without leading, or manage without subordinates (e.g., a manager of financial accounts). Nobody has proposed that managing and leading are equivalent, but the degree of overlap has been a point of sharp disagreement. The essence of this argument seems to be that managers are oriented toward stability and leaders are oriented toward innovation; managers get people to do things more efficiently, whereas leaders get people to agree about what things should be done.

The current research in leadership is overflowing with books describing the virtues of leadership. Recent authors include Stephen Covey, Principle Centered Leadership (1991); John Kotter, On What Leaders Really Do (1999); Phillip Lewis, Transformational Leadership (1996); Aubrey Malphurs, Being Leaders (2003); and John Maxwell, Developing the Leader within You (1993) to name a few. The argument with the most merit was John Kotter (1988), that “leading and managing are distinct processes…” and that to label people as either leaders and/or managers does little to advance our knowledge or understanding of leadership.

“The word ‘manager’ is an occupational title for a large number of people and it is insensitive to use the term in a way that fosters an inaccurate, negative stereotype of them.” (Yukl, 1998) Leaders and managers are not different types of people but rather the same people in different situations or processes. After reading Kotter, Yukl, Covey, Lewis, Malphurs, Maxwell, and the biographies of military leaders from throughout the ages, the conclusion seems very clear. While the models that examine leadership principles may change, these principles are timeless; this includes moral dimensions. “…leaders who know God and who know how to lead in a Christian manner will be phenomenally more effective in the world than even the most skilled and qualified leaders who lead without God. Spiritual Leadership is not just for Pastors and Missionaries.” (Blackaby, 2001)

Core issue: Moral, Immoral, or Amoral

“The Moral Law causes the people to be in complete accord with their ruler, so that they will follow him regardless of their lives, undismayed by any danger.”

--Sun Tzu

The Art of War

“Morality is a complex system of principles based on cultural, religious, and philosophical concepts and beliefs, by which an individual determines whether his or her actions are right or wrong.” (Wikipedia, 2005) For many individuals, morality is influenced, to a large degree, by religion or theology; but for others, secular and ethical codes are also followed. Religions typically hold that morality is not a human construct, but is the work of God. Such as in the Judeo-Christian religions, the Ten Commandments is held to have been issued directly to mankind by God. Non-religious individuals justify morality on the basis that helping humanity is itself fundamentally 'good' and base morality on humanitarian principles.

"Immoral" refers to “a person or behavior that is self-consciously within the scope of morality but does not abide by its rules.” (Wikipedia, 2005) The thief would agree that stealing is wrong but inconsistently try to excuse his particular act and shoulder the blame onto others by saying that he had no choice and so on. In day-to-day conversations, "amoral" and "immoral" are sometimes used interchangeably. However, "Amoral" must be distinguished from "immoral" in that “amoral persons either do not possess ethical notions at all as a result of an unusual upbringing or inborn traits (such as the so-called Antisocial personality disorder) or else do not subscribe to any moral code.” (Wikipedia, 2005) Someone may maintain that he will do as he likes and let others do the same, if they so desire, without turning this into a general principle. Because whoever says so only expresses his personal preference about the way he is going to act, the position is consistent.

Many organizations focus more on ethics rather than morals. Ethics is an intellectual approach to moral issues that asks questions such as how one ought to behave in a specific situation (for example, is abortion morally permissible?) Wether or not the claim necessitates a specific ethical stance is a matter of debate. As stated earlier, contemporary American society encourages members of its diverse population to establish their own values which leads to cultural relativism. “Cultural relativism is the principle that an individual human's beliefs and activities make sense in terms of his or her own culture.” (Wikipedia, 2005) What follows is that a particular aspect of morality may be questioned or reasoned away, especially by younger generations in society. At times, this questioning extends to the society in general, even to the extent of liberalising laws which prohibited certain behaviors. Such as in the case of abortion, it’s her body or in the case of same sex marraiges, it not my business who marries who. Cultural Relativism also leads to a culture’s justification of immoral beliefs. Such as in the case of racial slurs; ‘It’s fine for blacks to use derragatory words towards other blacks in casual conversations or music videos but it’s wrong for a person of another race to do so.

US Military Value System

“If the theory of war did no more than remind us of these [moral] elements, demonstrating the need to reckon with and give full value to moral qualities, it would expand its horizon, and simply by establishing this point of view would condemn in advance anyone who sought to base an analysis on material factors alone.”

--Carl Von Clausewitz

On War

The US military has a responsibility to itself and society to set and adhere to high moral standards. This requires the kind of moral courage that is critical to successful leadership. It also models a healthy value system for a society that may be in danger due to its own abandonment of such traditional values. The military value system is based almost entirely on the laws that govern it, the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ). The UCMJ applies to all branches of the military including the Coast Guard. Most of the issues covered in the UCMJ include: bringing cases to military courts, the different types of court-martial, treatment and apprehension of prisoners, and the trial process. Additionally, rules and regulations govern military behavior and standards of conduct. It is the very nature of military leadership to promote virtuous behavior for themselves and those who follow rather than passively follow the crowd that is liberalizing its values to accommodate contemporary social trends.

The professional military leader is stuck in the middle of this conflict between traditional and contemporary values, on one hand being a member of a dynamic society, and on the other hand called to lead in an establishment steadfast on traditional moral principles. But you may have noticed that people with military experience have certain intangible qualities. Things like self–confidence, pride and a sense of purpose. The military instills these qualities in enlistees because it makes them good people. By embodying such core values as Honor, Courage and Commitment; men and women build character and confidence, develop strong team skills, and learn to accept responsibility and accountability for personal actions. In the Navy, for instance, the same bedrock principles or core values of honor, courage, and commitment have carried on to today since the naval service began during the American Revolution.

Military Perspective on Homosexuality

The military law expressed in the Manual for Courts-Martial (MCM) and Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ) is clear on the US military’s view of homosexual behavior. UCMJ Article 125, Sodomy, declares: “Any person subject to this chapter who engages in unnatural carnal copulation with another person of the same sex or with an animal is guilty of sodomy. Penetration, however slight, is sufficient to complete the offense.” The MCM provides a detailed description of what it considers “unnatural copulation” that clearly addresses the sex acts of homosexuality. It sets the maximum punishment for guilt of this offense as dishonorable discharge, forfeiture of all pay and allowances, and confinement from 5 years up to life (depending on whether the act is consensual and whether the act is committed with a child). This is just one of many longstanding provisions of military law based on moral acts. Many would argue that the Department of Defense (DOD) policy on homosexuals in the military called “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” has weakened the military’s position on this issue.

By citing homosexual behavior as an illegal act, military law makes a strong value judgment of its unacceptability. Moreover, by describing this conduct as an “unnatural” act, the UCMJ and MCM make a moral determination that homosexuality itself is wrong. Indeed, there is no mention in the UCMJ Article 125 or in the applicable MCM provision of the need to prove a negative influence of this activity on order, discipline, or image of the armed forces. Conduct of the act alone is enough to constitute guilt. There is a historical moral basis of condemning homosexuality in the American society, leading me to conclude that this value judgment is also based on traditional moral principles, such as those found in the bible: “Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman.” (Leviticus 18:22, KJV)

American Societal Value System

“America today is in a virtue deficit where our standards of right and wrong have become increasingly hazy. Out of this haze have arisen great problems within our society including: hostility towards organized religion, sexual exploitation, the homosexual agenda, the demise of the family, and the culture of death.”
--Gary Bauer
President, American Values.org

Similar to the military value system, most of what American society believes to be right and wrong (i.e. morals) is defined by our laws. Centuries ago, our Founders boldly proclaimed to the world a distinctly American faith in democracy; a faith rooted in the self-evident truths that "all men are created equal and endowed by their Creator”, this statement alone denotes Judeo-Christian roots.

‘Public Agenda’ is an organization that was founded to help our nation’s leaders better understand the public’s point of view as well as assist citizens in understanding critical policy issues. In 2002, Public Agenda conducted a detailed study of more than 1,600 American parents with children between the ages of 5 and 17. The study focused on a preeminent challenge of parenting: “how to raise children who grow up to be responsible, honest, humane, and considerate adults.” This study carefully looked at issues facing today’s families and the task of raising children of good character. “From every direction, today’s popular culture seems bent on emphasizing the violent, irresponsible, and squalid aspects of life. Nearly half of parents (49%) say they worry more about raising a child who is well-behaved and has good values, than about providing for their child’s health and physical well-being (23%), although a quarter (25%) of parents say they worry about both.” (Johnson, 2002) These statistics are a testament to the impact of a decaying moral society that has abandoned its traditional value system.

American Societal Perspective on Homosexuality

The American society’s position on homosexuality has changed dramatically. Laws against sodomy in this country go back to the American colonies, which enacted strict prohibitions against homosexual acts based on the strong influence of Christian colonists. In recent years, homosexuals and lesbians have demanded that people accept their sexual orientation as an "alternate lifestyle.” In 2003, a landmark U.S. Supreme Court verdict overturned all remaining sodomy laws in the United States in Lawrence v. Texas. The court exclaimed:

"A law branding one class of persons as criminal solely based on the State's moral disapproval of that class and the conduct associated with that class runs contrary to the values of the Constitution and the Equal Protection Clause, under any standard of review."

Homosexuals also demanded that benefits be given to "domestic partners" and that we accept gay marriages. Business structures are at the forefront of submitting to the demands of gay men and women. “Approximately 45% of companies within the Fortune 500 offered domestic partner benefits and nine of the top ten companies include sexual orientation in their non-discrimination policies.” (Wikipedia, 2005) The gay rights movement has led to changes in social acceptance and in the media portrayal of the gay community. The portrayal of homosexuality in the media reflects and guides societal attitudes towards homosexuality. Significant portrayals of homosexuality include television shows that glamorize homosexuality such as Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Queer as Folk, and Will and Grace. Homosexuality is just one aspect of where American societal values have changed due to a spiritually amoral stance on leadership values.

Conclusion

“He who walks righteously and speaks what is right, who rejects gain from extortion and keeps his hand from accepting bribes, who stops his ears against plots of murder and shuts his eyes against contemplating evil—this is the man who will dwell on the heights, whose refuge will be the mountain fortress. His bread will be supplied and water will not fail him”. (Isaiah 33:15-16, KJV)

While this study has shown the lack of popularity in contemporary society of addressing morality, it has also cited sources that argue that the moral dimension is critical. Moral strength is essential to successful leadership, as well as to the health of a nation. It is critical that today’s Christian leaders prepare themselves to deal with the value systems clash described in this paper. The US military and the American society is just one example of the moral standards gap, and it appears to be widening. As members of society and those called to lead a young generation, it is probable that leaders will have ample opportunity to demonstrate the importance of moral leadership. I believe that the Christian leaders have an obligation to challenge this moral dilemma. Giving extra care to their moral foundation, moral leaders should reinforce the moral value system that made this country strong.

Glossary

Amorality. The quality of having no concept of right or wrong. (i.e., morally neutral.)

Cultural relativism. The principle that an individual human's beliefs and activities make sense in terms of his or her own culture.

Ethics. A general term for what is often described as the "science (study) of morality". In philosophy, ethical behavior is that which is "good" or "right." The Western tradition of ethics is sometimes called moral philosophy.

KJV. King James Version (of The Holy Bible).

Military law. The statutes governing the military establishment and regulations issued to carry them out. In a limited sense, the term has been equated with the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ) and Manual for Courts-Martial (MCM).

Morality. System of principles based on cultural, religious, and philosophical concepts and beliefs, by which an individual determines whether his or her actions are right or wrong.

Moral Relativism. The position that moral propositions do not reflect absolute or universal truths. It not only holds that ethical judgments emerge from social customs and personal preferences, but also that there is no single standard by which to assess an ethical proposition's truth.

Sociology. The study of the social lives of humans, groups, and societies, sometimes defined as the study of social interactions.

Sociological perspective. A point of view that focuses not on individuals but their group, or society. In that perspective, human social structures, including cultural and governmental institutions and behaviors can be explained using social facts or social forces.

Values. A set of beliefs and ideas about general concepts.

Value system. The ordering and prioritization of the ethical and ideological values that an individual or society holds.

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Disobedience to Parents - How This Sin Gives the Wrong Illustration of Heavenly Realities

2009-10-03T06:16:00.001-07:00

What is it that a stop sign is saying to a driver when a driver pulls up in front of it? Of coarse the obvious communication is that the driver must stop. But what is the reason for needing to stop? Nothing on the sign speaks of the reasoning for the command. The reason why a person is to stop is supposed to be understood by the driver or he should not be driving. The purpose for the stop sign is for the driver to be able to have sufficient time to carefully consider the traffic and thus proceed safely. Therefore, the value of the stop sign is in the more important reasoning behind it.

God's laws pertaining to how children must honor and obey their parents are like the stop sign. The greatest importance of them is in the reasoning behind them, this reasoning goes beyond the immediate sphere of men's lives. Undoubtedly there is extreme importance in men's lives for God's laws pertaining to family life, and the rearing of children to be fulfilled, for this allows for the possibility (or even provability) of stable and happy lives for children when they grow to adulthood. Yahweh's laws related to parenting have not only an earthly need for fulfillment, meaning they are needed to properly direct the affairs of man on the earth for his immediate good and protection, but also they represent heavenly and eternal realities at the same time. The following is an explanation of the heavenly realities that are reflected by the practice of children obeying their parents, therein, defining the reason for the most extreme cause of Yahweh's hatred in regards to rebellion found in children. For to violate Yahweh's laws pertaining to children honoring their parents is to directly slander the Heavenly realities that a faithful life was created by God to picture.

Disobedience To Parents:

In other articles we have spoken of the truth that the human persons, that of the man and the woman were created by Yahweh to be living mortal illustrations of both Himself and the chief object of His affection: the Church. Chiefly this is seen in the marriage relationship. The very nature of marriage speaks of the obvious provable eventuality of children. In like manner the intimacy that the Lord shares with His own (the Church) brings forth new life. (new Christian believers) So we find that the relationship, and the laws that govern the relationship between parents and children are meant of God to be a picture of the relationship that the Lord has to His own. God is the Father of every soul who has been made perfect, the mother is the Church. The seed of God, (His word) when it is sown into the Church (which then brings to pass the evangelism of the unconverted) brings forth new children to God. When the actions of a child are in disobedience or rebellion to his or her parents and this goes uncorrected, this action brings forth the picture that the Lord will tolerate the actions of disobedience and rebellion in His own children and never correct them. Which suggestion is a lie. For God is a consuming fire. He does not wink at sin, as if it does not matter. Therefore, when defiance and rebellion in a child are left uncorrected this is slanderous to the greater truth that marriage and family are to illustrate in the world. In fact, I often ask my eight year old son this question. "Son, if you can not honor and obey your father and mother whom you can see and hear, for they are right here in front of you, how do you think you will learn to obey your spiritual Father and Mother?" (God and the Church) Therefore I conclude that to allow disobedience and dishonor of children to their parents is to promote the almost guaranteed open dishonoring and disobedience of that soul some years down the road toward both God and the Church.

So what we find in modern America is that the humanistic thought pattern that have sprung forth from man's wisdom (versus obedience to God's laws) have created a society filled with unruly and disobedient children that do not honor their parents or authority in general. This fact reflects that our generation is in itself rebellious toward God. It is that simple. It is no more complicated then that. Yes, we might boast that we are Christians, but Jesus said that "a tree will be known by its fruits". And in the end, the real values of a person are known by what that person does or allows.

The disobedience of children to their parents and the Church, and other rightful forms of authority misrepresents God and His purposes, and is in direct violation to Yahweh's laws, and is hated by God. Therefore parent, you can not wink at your child's rebellion, but it must be overcome by both the grace of God, and the disciplining of the child.

America, turn from the wisdom of men back to the wisdom of the God that birthed you as a people. It has been that same wisdom that has brought you both honor and prosperity in the past. But know this, if you will not repent and turn from the way of men, then your sins will become your undone

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Christian Parenting - Parenting With a Biblical Foundation

2009-09-29T08:20:00.001-07:00

Children learn by example. The heart of Christian parenting is to model Biblical character for your children. While easier said than done at times, it serves well to have a visual reminder of what you want your children to be learning. The Bible is very clear on what behavior is expected of us. It is also clear when telling us how to parent our children.

Proverbs 22:6 says to "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it."

Why should your training be focused on the Bible? Isaiah 54:13 gives the answer, "All our children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of our children." There is no better resource for learning about the Lord than the Bible.

The new testament gives an often-quoted command in 1 Corinthians 13:13, "And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love." These characteristics should be the foundation of your Christian parenting.

* Faith is the cornerstone of Christianity, without it, there is nothing. Faith in Christ's resurrection, the virgin birth and the Bible as the infallible Word of God are just the beginning. Faith, by definition, is "confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a person, idea, or thing." Your faith will deeply impact your child's faith. Your child will emulate your faith in his early years, question your faith at one time or another, and finally embrace or reject your faith. Are you portraying an accurate picture of your faith?
* Hope springs eternal, as the saying goes. Unfortunately for many Christians, it is much easier to get caught up in the negativity seemingly so prevalent in the world. However, these are the times to cling to hope the hardest. The Bible states "Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." To abound is to "be fully supplied or filled." How do you react when faced with seemingly insurmountable problems? Your child will react the same way.
* Love. Love is clearly important to the Christian faith. It is the most used word in the Bible. The foundation of Christianity is love, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life" (John 3:16). Christian parenting is rooted here also. Loving our children should be a given. Model love to your child by finding what speaks to her heart and meet that need as best as humanly possible. Model loving others by doing the same for your family. Show your child how you can love someone even when they do something negative. You are the physical example your child has of God. Do you portray God accurately?

While Biblically based, these character traits apply across the religious spectrum, not just to Christian parents. Christian parenting should include more than these three character traits. However, the foundation of your parenting should be faith, hope and love.

Vicki Arnold is the married mother to three young children. Raising respectable, loving children who honor Christ is her passion. You can read about her parenting journey at http://www.SimplyVicki.com

5 Christian Parenting Tips To Help You Create A Loving And Peaceful Family Environment

2009-09-29T08:18:00.001-07:00

Parenting is something that requires incredible skill and knowledge yet we are totally unprepared for it. If you've been finding parenting a little stressful at times, you are one of many all around the world! However, God has given us this wonderful responsibility and His Word makes it plain that He considers children a high priority.

Luke 18:16 'But Jesus called them (the parents) to Him, saying, Allow the little children to come to Me, and do not hinder them, for to such (as these) belongs the kingdom of God.' The Amplified Bible

So, we need to ensure that we are doing the best we can to raise our children in a loving environment which also trains them for successful living as a Christian. Parenting tips can be a helping hand in assisting you in successful parenting.

Christian Parenting Tip 1

You are the parent and your authority must always be clear.

The Bible makes it clear that children are to obey and honor their parents. Honor means 'high respect' (Oxford Dictionary). All children respect authority if it is shown in a way that also respects them. Learn to be authoritative in a way that makes sense to your child and without aggression. What does this look like?

- Firstly, mean what you say. It is very confusing for a child if you say one thing and do another. Before you speak, make sure you mean and are able to carry through with what you say. For example, if you say "Come inside now or there will be no TV' and the child doesn't come inside, don't switch on the TV to entice them in, and don't turn it on just because they are whining or having a tantrum. Let your 'yes be yes' and your 'no be no'.

- Listen to what you say; do you sound authoritative? Raising your voice doesn't mean you sound authoritative - it often means you've lost it! If you want to sound authoritative, lower your tone of voice, speak a little slower and emphasise important words. A low, emphasised voice carries much more authority than one which is raised and loud.

Christian Parenting Tip 2

Let them know your reason and the consequences

- make sure you know why you are requesting a certain behaviour (eg the house needs to be tidy for when you come home)

- explain once to the child (eg "When your toys are picked up we will go to the park")

- remind them of the consequence for disobedience (eg "If the toys aren't picked up by the time I count 10 we won't go to the park but will stay home")

- give them one more chance to obey and follow up with consequence for disobedience immediately if necessary.

- if they have obeyed, reinforce this behaviour with a statement (eg "Well done! You picked up the toys and now we will go to the park")

Don't fall into the trap of 'because I told you so'. Don't reason and argue - they will win because if you find yourself losing your calm tone of voice, or using unnecessary physical force, you've lost your authority and their respect. Try not to get emotionally involved in the situation - keep your voice loving but firm, be decisive in your actions of consequence, and be consistent.

Christian Parenting Tip 3

Keep the child accountable for their actions.

Children are quick to blame others. Keep the child accountable for their choices and actions. Use the words "You choose to __________ therefore you choose the consequence of ________". This teaches the child responsibility. It teaches them that there is a consequence to every choice they make. This is a central part of learning called self-discipline.

Christian Parenting Tip 4

Relationship with your child will be more powerful than any discipline.

The Bible says that God disciplines those He loves.

Revelation 3:19 'Those whom I dearly and tenderly love, I discipline and instruct them'

Children respond to disciplinary efforts more effectively if they are given out of a loving relationship. If you and your child have developed a mutually respectful and loving relationship, training will be much easier.

Christian Parenting Tip 5

God gave each of us free will - obedience doesn't come by force

You train a child to be obedient, usually by consequences to their choices and actions. You can't force a child to be obedient and keep their respect for you as a parent. Heavy-handedness may seemingly produce desired behaviour but underneath could be a seething bubble of frustration. Remember, God instructs parents, especially fathers, not to frustrate their children.

Colossians 3:21 'Fathers, do not provoke or irritate or fret your children (do not be hard on them or harass them) lest they become discouraged and sullen and morose and feel inferior and frustrated. (Do not break their spirit)' The Amplified Bible

God's Word talks about disciplining with the rod. This kind of discipline must also be done in a controlled and loving way, never through anger. If you are a firm believer in using 'the rod', ensure that your actions are done within a framework of procedures. Hitting out at a child is not Godly discipline; neither is grabbing hold of the wooden spoon and smacking a child with it. God doesn't discipline us with fear. He should be our role-model.

SUMMARY

Part of successful Christian parenting is raising your child to love God. As parents, you are the child's role model of Father God. Loving authority, like God's authority with us, teaches your child responsibility and self-discipline.

Christian Parenting - What to Do When it All Seems "Too Much

2009-09-29T08:16:00.001-07:00

I received an inquiry from someone who takes cares of kids and deals with their parents. She was seeking parenting advice which, while isn't the primary area of expertise, and there are definitely plenty of better, more targeted articles on parenting that are out there, I was up to the challenge!

Is living in accordance to a "hundredfold" life consistent with our understanding of good parenting?

After all, doesn't it say to pursue Jesus above not only homes and fields but of our key relationships - brother, mother, father, wife, or children - to get back a hundredfold?

In fact, would anyone with their patience tested with the children they have want a "hundredfold"? :)

First, as I often say, "hundredfold" is metaphorical without limiting the literal when appropriate. There are some people who take such to heart Jesus call for the orphans and, in seeking Him first, probably do literally care for a hundredfold children. If anyone can provide "tips for parenting" it would be those people!

I have chosen to address where to experience hundredfold rather than a scarcity of time and patience drawing from the lessons found in Day 25, with the key verse from 2 Corinthians 12:5-10 "My power works best in your weakness."

When we focus on what we don't have and how overwhelming the children are, by definition, our mind and our heart will see all the shortfalls, all the gaps, and feel weak.

This often, deep down, disheartens parents so that frustration, self-doubt, even anger towards their children emerges. Nobody likes feeling weighed down with failure.

But let's step back: according to this verse, our weaknesses or challenges, whether true battles like "thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me" or the broader application of our own weaknesses to handle challenges, our limited energy, attention, and patience, keep you from becoming proud.

Well, you may say, "I'll take being proud over having these obnoxious, rowdy kids any day!" Yes, but he says, "For when I am weak, then I am strong."

In your weakness, where is it you are weak? Define those and within that see how can God show up.

For example, some people's weakness (actually the most people, which is why we spend an entire section on our thought-process in according to Scripture) focus on what is wrong with their children and expend energy.

If you draw on God's strength, what does He do? While He does correct, He also does see the "workmanship" You are, the things that are good, forgives for all offenses, encourages when you stumble.

What if you incorporated that into your parenting, drawing on God's strength instead of leaning into your weakness? Apply that into the life, when seeing a child doing, even just slightly, the very thing you wish they were doing all the time, shower them with encouragement in that moment, not shame.

Again, we could have a whole series on christian parenting, but I would start there to hundredfold: don't spend time within your weakness, let God show you His strength in what to do, let Him show your the strengths He gave you, and know His grace is sufficient.

hristian Parenting - an Alternative Parenting Style?

2009-09-29T08:15:00.001-07:00

There are many different aspects of parenting that qualify as alternative parenting, including Christian parenting, gay parenting and surrogate parenting. All of these are somewhat normative in that they involve loving sets of parents that take care of their children, but many of the details can create a stir in the hearts and minds of detractors. Whether or not the debate surrounding Christian parenting, gay parenting and surrogate parenting is necessary is irrelevant because it exists and we are inundated with it.

Parenting rights tends to be the biggest issue here. Who has the right to be a parent? What makes someone a good parent? Do parents need rights? All of these questions will consistently remain a fundamental part of the marriage and family debates in North America. The reality is, however, that many people do not know the answers to these parenting rights questions. Moreover, many people don't seem to care.

While Christian parenting and gay parenting may seem to be polar opposites, they are often greeted by opposition in the public arena because of the controversial viewpoints that exist. While on the one hand, Christian parenting detractors vocalize their opinions on the notion that Christian parenting involves teaching children a "mythology" at a very young age without offering choices, they also advocate that this parenting approach traditionally expresses solid value systems in children.

The same perplexing two-pronged sentiments are expressed towards parents of the homosexual persuasion. One the one hand, many people seem to intrinsically doubt the notion that two homosexual people can be parents. On the other hand, people also think that the only requirement of a marriage and a family relationship is for the two people to be loving and capable of compassion in regards to one another. In that respect, one would assume that the viewpoint in terms of gay parenting seems a little bit contradictory.

Surrogate parenting is another topic that often gets thrown into the mix that affects Christian parenting and gay parenting. Surrogate parenting is the controversial practice of seeking out a vessel to carry a child until childbirth and then passing the child over to another parent. Many people object to this practice because they view it as being "baby farming".

This objection typically comes right on the heels of the statement that a surrogate mother is one of the most tenderly giving women in the world because she gives of her own body. This confusing point of view is more evidence as to the perplexing arena of debate surrounding the various types of controversial parenting.

Christian parenting, gay parenting and surrogate parenting are all tough jobs. Let's face it, parenting is hard enough without having the consistent ramblings of a few know-it-alls baffling the particulars of public debate.

Instead of focusing on the various social issues surrounding families in North America, there is a need to band together and focus on the facts. Christian parenting is no different than gay parenting in that the end goal is always going to be the same.

Top 10 Parenting Tips To Raise Happy, Healthy, and Smart Kids

2009-09-17T08:34:00.000-07:00

Every parent I know wants nothing less than the best for their children. They want their children to be happy, healthy, and smart. While every child is different and unique, just as every parent is, there are some things you can do to help to insure your child is the happiest, healthiest, and smartest possible. Here is a list of the top ten parenting tips you can use to help insure your child's success in life:
Tip 1 - Command Respect, Don't Demand It. One of the foundations of a good relationship with other people is mutual respect. As a parent you should be commanding the respect of your children, through your actions and words, not demanding that they respect you. As your child learns to respect you in this manner, they will also learn to command respect from others, rather than trying to demand it.
Tip 2 - Maintain Healthy Relationships with Others. Whether it is your spouse or your own friends, it is important that you model good relationship behavior for your children. By having strong relationships with your spouse and your friends, you can show your children how to have strong and healthy relationships with you and the other people in their lives.
Tip 3 - Be a Role Model. Who do you want your children to emulate in their lives, a famous sports star or yourself? Parents should always want to be the number one role model for their children. You want to show them right from wrong, and do this through being a role model who they can emulate in their own lives. Show them how you live and how you do the right things in life even when you are challenged.
Tip 4 - Talk With Your Children, Not At Them. It can be easier to tell your child not to do something or how to behave. However, if you take the time to talk with your children about your expectations, and their expectations as well, you can have a healthy line of communication. This communication channel will grow over the years and you will find that your children will come to you with their issues they need help with. If you talk at your children, they will be less likely to come to you because they will fear a lecture and disapproval.
Tip 5 - Give Unconditional Love and Support. Children are still growing and learning. They will do things at times which you will not approve of, and may not even understand their thinking behind. By always supporting your child with unconditional love, even during the rough times, you can show your child that they will always have your love and support. While you may not approve of their actions, they know that you love them and that you simply do not love the action they took.
Tip 6 - Show Support Though Positive Reinforcement. Never use the words stupid, dumb or other negative words to describe your children. Never tell them they are, or make them feel, less-than. If your children are in school, they will hear enough negativity from the other children when adults are not present. Build them up through positive words at home, so that they will be able to deflect the negative words they hear when you are not with them.
Tip 7 - Eat Smart as a Family. Food habits start from a very young age; what you eat as a child has a lot to do with your eating habits later in life. Start your children off right by offering them whole and healthy foods. If they start eating healthy from a very young age, then they will likely continue to eat well throughout their lives. It is much easier to get children to eat healthy foods if that is the only thing they know.
Tip 8 - Play With Your Children - Often! Children learn though play. By playing with your children you are able to teach them, and they will believe they are just simply playing. Teaching through play is a wonderful way to keep your children both entertained and captive to the lessons you want to instill in them.
Tip 9 - Avoid The Bad Toys, Games and TV. While it may be easier to turn on the TV for your child and let them watch whatever they want this is not a good option. TV will constantly sell to your child through advertisements which are very well designed to make your children want certain toys and games. If you can avoid as many of the bad toys, games and TV itself, you are on the way to having much healthier and safer kids.
Tip 10 - Educate Your Children With Their Toys. By purchasing educational toys for your children you are enabling them to have fun and learn at the same time. One of the best places to purchase your educational toys is through www.mychildplayhouses.com
Hopefully these top ten tips of parenting will help you to raise your children to be happy, healthy, and smart adults while getting the most of their precious childhood years.

Prevent and Protect Children From Abductions

2009-09-15T09:37:00.001-07:00

During recent years, the problem of child snatching or child abduction has attracted wide attention. It has been reported that every 40 seconds in the United States, a child becomes missing or is abducted. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for a small child to be taken while momentarily unattended by the parent or guardian for illicit purposes. Child snatching often occurs in public places such as shopping malls, convenient stores, parks and supermarkets. A determined Child Predator will not only target public places, there are many reported child abductions that have occurred in the front or backyard of a family's home. A child left unattended for a few moments or wanders off from the parent or guardian, can quickly become the victim of such a crime.
After hearing the tragic stories about abducted or exploited children, most parents and guardians are surprised to learn many crimes committed against children can be prevented. Unfortunately the rising awareness of crimes committed against children has left many families with a real sense of fear. You and your child need to be careful and aware, but you do not need to be afraid. Talk to your child in a calm and reassuring manner, being careful not to discuss the frightening details of what might happen to a child who does not follow the safety guidelines. There are also very effective child protection devices on the market today that can be easily worn or carried by your child. These devices can allow monitoring by the parent or guardian and sound an alarm when a child has gone further than a desired distance.
Protecting children from abductions requires good communication, alertness and taking advantage of effective child protection products that are available in our marketplace. All of these efforts combined will allow you to fully enjoy your child's life with peace of mind and eliminate the fears of losing your child to abduction.

5 Christian Parenting Tips To Help You Create A Loving And Peaceful Family Environment

2009-09-15T09:33:00.001-07:00

4 of the Best Parenting Tips

2009-09-11T08:32:00.000-07:00

There is a lot of information available to parents in this day and age. The problem is who do you trust to help you make those important decisions about parenting? Some of the information out available even contradicts what another 'expert' suggested.
I am excited to bring to you some of the most universal parenting tips. These parenting tips are embraced by many experts. There are some things about parenting that can be held as true in respect to parenting, no matter what your personal parenting style.
Parenting Tip #1: Love your children. 'Of course I love my child' is what you are thinking, right? We know that we love our children but as the day to day chaos of life takes over sometimes we forget to take the time to tell them. So seize the moment, any moment and tell them you love them.
Parenting Tip #2: Tell your child why they are unique and special to you. Giving children self confidence is one of the most important things we can give our children. A child with good self confidence can go out into the world and make good life decisions. It is important to help them trust in themselves. By arming our children with self confidence we can be confident that they are problem solvers and when a situation needs reflection they will trust their own instincts.
Parenting Tip #3: Model for your children by being the type of person you would like them to become. Children learn best by example, so be the best example you can be. When we just preach and don't practice what we preach, we send a mixed message. It's okay to show your children your emotions and frustrations. No parent is without ups and downs. You can use the moments to teach your children how to deal with the ups and downs. Show them that while your may get angry or sad there is a good and a bad way to deal with these emotions. Show them the outlets you use to help you move past the strong feelings and deal with the problem that is bothering you.
Parenting Tip # 4: Don't label. Using labels for your children such as 'good boy' and 'bad boy' can really sting deep. When a parent says, you are being a bad boy that makes the child as a whole feel bad, and parents don't want that. What we want is to change the behavior so it doesn't occur again. This is best done by separating the behavior from the child. When a child chooses to behave in a way that you call "bad" instead of telling them that was bad tell them why the behavior they choose was wrong. The truth is the choice they made was bad not the child. So next time this occurs watch your wording.

Top Parenting Tips

2009-09-09T08:31:00.000-07:00

1. Tell your child that you love them EVERY day.
2. Show your child that you love them EVERY day with lots of hugs, kind words and physical attention.
3. Show interest in what your child is learning.
4. Let your child teach you.
5. Avoid comparing your child to others.
6. Encourage your child to read to you.
7. Develop a consistent and effective discipline plan.
8. Bring a solution as well as a problem.
9. Children must learn to feel good about themselves and believe they can succeed, and you must also allow your child to fail.
10. Teach them the value of money.
11. Show them you are the parent (not the friend).
12. Pick and choose your conflicts.
13. Have lots of "quick" conversations (travelling to school, to the shops, at bedtime).
14. Teach them to value time (let them see you reading, being creative, gardening etc.
15. When you make a promise, be sure to follow it through.
16. Allow them to think for themselves.
17. Model what it is to communicate openly, honestly and with respect.
18. Praise your child's kindness to others.
19. Read bedtime stories as often as possible.
20. Get physical with your child (hug, tickle, hold hands)
21. On occasions put yourself in the child's shoes - think as they may think, feel as they may feel, see the world through their eyes.
22. Let dinner times be a time for catching up on the day's events.
23. Be aware of your child's feelings and limitations.
24. Let them know they can go to you when in search of comfort.
25. Just spend time with your children, allowing them to be themselves.
26. Encourage their enthusiasm.
27. Teach your children about their heritage in fun and exciting ways, such as dressing up, cooking, dancing, listening to music.
28. All pitch in - A child is never too young to learn that team effort makes many jobs easier and faster - and often more fun.
29. We all make mistakes, learn to tell your child "I'm sorry" - this way they will grow to admit their own mistakes.
30. Tell them "that's enough" - noise, television, playing, arguing, sweets, etc.
31. Discuss sex and sexuality in age appropriate terms with your child.
32. It's important to encourage in children a sense of pride in them self
33. Children are our future - when we teach them well they will be the leaders of their life.
34. Remember to fit the method of discipline to the child's age and abilities.
35. If verbal communication fails, write a note (this can open doors).
36. Get to know your child's friends.
37. Ask your child where they are going and who with.
38. Be a good listener - ask and encourage questions.
39. Include your child in family decisions.
40. Be a living example of your value system. Show the honesty, generosity and openness you want your child to have.
41. Examine your own behaviour.
42. Catch your child doing things right.
43. Listen to your gut instincts.
44. Take care of yourself and your needs so you are better prepared to take care of the needs of your child.
45. Let your child take responsibility for their own actions.
46. Take care of the every day essential things - Young children need nutritious food, enough sleep, safe places to play, and regular medical care.
47. Discuss your expectations with your child. They may not agree, but they need to know what is expected of them.
48. Remember, making mistakes is part of the learning process - don't criticise.
49. Make the home as happy a place as it can be.
50. Make your own list, adding to this, of how you can be the best parent you can.
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Hyacinth is a Master Practitioner of NLP and a Master Hypnotherapist. She is a Coach, Consultant and Trainer. Highly regarded and ensures that her solutions are informative, exciting and presented in such a way to ensure all learning styles are catered for. She works with personnel at the highest levels in the private, public and voluntary sectors, up to and including members of the board.

Best Parenting Advice: How to Handle the Repeated Over Again Question without Losing Your Mind

2009-09-05T08:30:00.000-07:00

"Sure. Yes. Fine. Please do what I have said no to, do it over and over again, as much as you want, as often as you want, for as long as you want!"
That's what I find myself wanting to say (yell, scream) at my two boys sometimes when they keep asking me the same question over and over again. With the older one, it is usually about something he wants to buy (as in me buy for him) at Wal-Mart or Target. With the younger one, it is usually about something he wants to do or to eat that for very good reasons (to an adult) he cannot do at that moment.
Some of this is natural and is just want kids too, and as adults we do it too.
If I am really honest, I know that one of the reasons they keep asking is that every now and then I will give in and say yes. I know that giving in only reinforces the repeated questions, and teaches them that all they have to do is keep asking until I give in. This is the part that really frustrates me and makes me mad at myself.
I mean, as a parenting coach and marriage and family therapist, I give parenting advice and coaching for a living.
Visit http://www.ParentingYourTeenager.com for tips and tools for thriving during the teen years. For regular weekly tips you can subscribe to our f-ree Parenting Your Teenager Newsletter You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 5 day e-program on The Top 5 Things to Never Say to Your Teenager from parenting coach and expert Jeff Herring.

Top Parenting Tips ADHD Experts Recommend

2009-09-03T08:28:00.000-07:00

Are searching for parenting tips for ADHD so you can have a more stable home life? Each year, millions of children in the United States are diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, more commonly known as ADHD. It is believed that somewhere around one in three American children suffer from this behavioral disorder that destroys their ability to pay attention and often results in disruptive and uncontrollable behavior. If left untreated, ADHD can wreak havoc in the life of the child and his or her family. Fortunately, there are parenting tips for ADHD that can help families to manage this potentially debilitating disorder, and this article will highlight some of the best.
Because the impact of ADHD on families is most keenly felt in the child's academic and social lives, most of the tips for ADHD families center on providing structure and support for the child suffering from this disorder. Of course, every child requires structure; however, the special needs resulting from an ADHD child's inability to focus for any length of time should be treated with more than the loose structure provided for most children. An ADHD child will need strict routines to keep him/her on task, with time set aside for exercise. In addition, parents should ensure that any assigned duties are explained to the child in as specific a manner as possible.
Additional parenting tips for ADHD center on behavior modification therapies that teach the ADHD child important time management and organizational skills, which can serve to somewhat offset the lack of focus. Of all the available parenting tips, ADHD experts believe that this one can help to reduce some of the irrational fears that ADHD afflicted children experience. Splitting large tasks into a number of smaller ones is one way to help the child manage time more efficiently, and ease anxiety. In addition, it is important to limit the hours the child spends watching television, listening to music, and playing video games, as studies indicate that these activities can aggravate the disorder.
Of course, no discussion for ADHD families would be complete without mentioning medications. While many physicians immediately advise parents to place their ADHD child on an amphetamine such as Ritalin or Dexedrine, these stimulants can have side effects that are just as disruptive in the child's life as ADHD - such as sleeplessness, depression, and stunted growth. One of the parenting tips ADHD experts often give is for parents to consider the application of homeopathic treatments. Because homeopathic medications are derived from natural ingredients, they are usually free of the side effects of non-natural medications. There are numerous homeopathic treatments available that will help your child.
The most important of the parenting tips ADHD families often forget is to make time for you and your spouse, and always remember to keep the disorder in its proper perspective. ADHD is a disrupting force in the life of any child and family, but it can be managed. Connect with support groups and talk to other parents who have children with ADHD. Having a child with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder will require you to make some changes in your family life; but with time, effort, and the right treatments, your child and the rest of the family can have the normal life you deserve.
Shannon Pollock is a passionate advocate of natural health remedies who has been researching their use for many years. Find out more about some of the most effective treatments for ADHD on her site, Natural Health Remedies and More

Say No to Peer Pressure - Teen Decisions With Super Conclusions

2009-08-10T12:06:00.000-07:00

Like a hunter hunts down his prey, so you would, if you could, hunt down negative peer pressure and keep it caged as far away from your teen as possible. And who wouldn't? Negative peer pressure rears its ugly head long before our kids are teens anyway. So the earlier we decapitate it, the better. The only problem, like a spider that can grow back a leg when it has been cut off, so is peer pressure. You can really never get rid of it. Equipping your teen with the tools to fight back always will go a long way in steering your child towards the right direction.

1. Imbue your teen with good principles and values by setting the example with your own life, first and foremost. Take the opportunity to point out what is acceptable behavior and attitude and what is not whenever possible. Your life should be an example that he should want to emulate.

2. Talk to your teen about good and bad peer pressure. It is important that your teen be able to differentiate between pressure that is positive and that which is negative.

3. Engage your teen in an exercise to establish and examine the activities he indulges in with his friends. Help him assess and determine what relationships are helpful and constructive and what he is better off without. Ask your teen to evaluate the influence his friends have on his life.

4. Teach your teen to stand his ground not only when the issues at hand are in black and white but when they are in gray. When he is not sure what is safe or not, what is acceptable or permissible, and when there is no time to inquire before a decision is taken, he is better off erring on the side of caution. Learning to say NO clearly is the ideal and when the request from friends should not be in any shape of form entertained, your teen should put his foot down firmly.

5. Encourage your teen to be truthful and fast thinking in his response when he would rather not participate in an activity. If for instance an assignment which he has not yet done is due the next day and yet his friends are attempting to pull him to a movie theater, he should be able to tell them that he would not concentrate and enjoy the movie knowing that he has this assignment waiting for him.

6. Give him the mandate to use his parents as his excuse if need be. Assuming for instance that he is being asked by a friend to drive another's car, he can let them know his parents would be really unhappy with him for doing that without their permission.

7. Urge him not to follow in the paths of others when instead he can go where no one has been, leaving behind him a trail. A teen with leadership qualities when properly guided is an asset not only for his family but a blessing to the community at large.

I once had this poster that had a picture of about a dozen chicks looking so fluffy, yellow, vulnerable and precious. With no mother hen in sight, each chick was facing a different direction and if it were ever possible to describe the expression on a chick's face, the apt words would be 'confused and lost.' The inscription on the poster? 'Following the crowd can lead nowhere.'

Ultimately, the best thing for your teen to know is that it is his prerogative to say NO. While this is difficult for teens to do because they want to be part of the crowd, it is the best way of ensuring that his friends do not come back another time with the same suggestion thinking it was merely inconvenient for your teen the first time they asked. When your teen makes his stance clear, his friends will know better than to present him with suggestions they know he will not take from them.

Awo Amorin currently working with children experienced firsthand during an exchange program where she met teens from all over the world, the challenges that face teens and their families and is always willing to lend a listening ear.

Marian Pobee is a pediatrician who has worked closely with teens, and was struck by the disconnect that occurs between parents and their teens. She is working to bridge the communication breakdown that occurs during the critical and formative teenage years.

Visit http://www.parents-and-teens-in-tune.com for heartwarming tips and advice to make parenting your teens less stressful and a wonderful path of discovery and success for both you and your teen

How To Raise Children In These Times With Strong Christian Values

2009-08-08T11:50:00.000-07:00

Raising kids in the twenty first century challenges parents more than ever. Culture calls out to kids, wanting to form them, while many parents want their kids to grow up with a biblical background and faith-based set of values. So how can a parent ride against the tide of culture to raise strong kids with strong faith? Church attendance certainly makes a different, but parents need to be parents, and they need to use the resources that we have available today.

Consult your local Christian book store, or even the Christian section of a secular book store. You will be amazed at the resources out there that can give you the answers you need to help raising your children.

Both parents should seek out additional resources. Many times just the matriarch of the family seeks out the books with how-to information while the patriarch just trusts her child raising instincts. Both parents should actively parent, not just one. Studies show that children need both parents. Girls need their dads to help form a healthy view of men, and boys need their moms to help form a healthy view of women. So if you want to infuse your faith into your parent, pick up a Christian parenting book.

The teen years challenge parents. Many find themselves more frustrated with their teenagers than they ever were with the coloring on the wall toddlers that graced their homes. But parents should realize that teenagers are not a different breed of creature. They are young adults, crying out for direction on how to be an adult. Thus a teen focused Christian parenting book can give parents the direction they need on how to help their teen act like an adult and make the right decisions.

Smaller children can also benefit from such instruction. While these children challenge their parents, parents can find help in Christian parenting books with age specific advice. Books ranging in topics from godly discipline to teaching your kids manners abound in the Christian section of your local book store. And you'll be amazed at what a difference just a few parenting changes will make in the demeanor of your child.

Sure parents need to take their kids to church. They need to take themselves to church, and they need to seek out the advice of other Christian parents. But Christian parenting books offer them one more resource for raising kids that seek to glorify God and follow the principles laid out in the Bible. In the end, books by great authors like Dr. Dobson and Kevin Leiman can make all the difference in the life of a child and in the family as a whole. So what are you waiting for? Start reading.

Gregg Hall is an author living in Navarre Florida. Find more about this as well as spiritual christian gifts at http://www.spiritualchristiangifts.com

Christian Dating Rules For Teenagers

2009-08-01T06:14:00.000-07:00

Being parents of a 14-year-old teenage boy is difficult enough when they are becoming more and more independent and their body is changing and testosterone is increasing, but when dating comes into the picture, it's even more a challenge. As Christian parents in this fast-paced world and trying to raise our children in a godly way, setting strict dating rules and guidelines is, in my husband's and my opinion, detrimental. We needed to seriously pray about the idea.

The first question my husband and I asked each other was, "Is he too young emotionally and age-wise to be dating?" It took quite some time and many discussions later to come up with a solution to this dilemma. We had to really pray about the decision we made, because there was no turning back once we verbally agreed. So, we prayed hard.

Our son showed us his responsibilities in other ways like working a full-time job during the summer, doing his household chores without us asking, and accomplishing his school work with wonderful grades. So, we took all that into consideration, and we decided that emotionally he probably would be ready.

Age-wise was another consideration. Our son always acted older than his years ever since he was a baby. He wanted to do things that seemed too difficult for him to achieve, but he, most of the time, would prove us wrong. The problem was and still is he thinks he knows everything and we don't know anything! So, with that in mind, we had to approach the big question of dating rules with delicacy.

We allowed him to see this girl he was interested in, but with strict guidance. She was invited to our home anytime within reason, BUT they could never be alone together. Other rules that we had were there was to be no physical contact, except they could sit next to one another and maybe hold hands. Anything else was out of the question. Now, that may seem extreme to some parents, but in this world today, kids are taught by their peers that anything goes. So, dating rules can be quite challenging, in order to reverse that sort of thinking, unless you've done it all your children's lives.

Our son and his new girl friend agreed to our Christian dating rules. In fact, so did her parents. We felt an obligation to "inform" them of how we felt about this whole idea of dating, and much to our surprise, they agreed whole-heartedly to the rules. Our son's girl friend is a Christian, we believe, but we don't know if her parents are as well. Now, some day, when our son is old enough to get married, that'll be another topic to discuss! But, for now, dating is the first crisis in our teenage son's life. And we'll deal with one problem at a time!

Now, our advice for setting rules is just to sit down together with your son or daughter and just talk calmly about the situation. Don't get overly excited about the idea and jump to conclusions like I did as a mom. Pray about the idea together as a family and work out any problem areas that may arise. Don't ever assume anything and always be on the alert. Set strict rules and be consistent with them. But, most of all, don't choke the life out of your teenager while doing so, because if you're not willing to work things out together as a family to make everyone happy, your teenager will find a way to rebel. And that is not the way, in our opinion, to make for a peaceful, happy Christian home life.

Rachel G. LaChapelle is the website administrator for Baby Gear and also a stay-at-home mom for 14 years. Please visit her site for your one source for everything baby...at discount prices

5 Christian Parenting Tips To Help You Create A Loving And Peaceful Family Environment

2009-08-01T06:11:00.000-07:00

Parenting Tips - Who Do You Listen To?

2009-08-01T06:08:00.000-07:00

Many parents love to giving various parenting tips. If you are a parent, you may have encountered a number of them. We have to appreciate their advice as it is based on their experience and experience do count in any advises. However, you may be confused as you could be overloaded with tons of tips and advises. The key here is to know which one is suitable for you and which one may not be suitable.

Determining Usefulness

The first step is to determine if you can or want to use a tip. Obviously, you will ruin into tips that you just do not agree with or feel are just not for you. Those you can disregard. However, more often you will likely be unsure if a tip is useful. Try the following to see if those tips are useful for you:

- Ask yourself if it seem reasonable.

- Determine is you would actually do this.

- Think about how it would work for you and your kids.

If you are still not sure if the tip is good, what you can do it give it a try and see the result.

Trial and Error

As mentioned, the next thing to do is try the tips out. See if they do work. If something doesn't work then let it go. If that tip works for your kids, put it in your list of skills.

Sometimes you can not tell if something will work unless you give it a try and there is nothing wrong with that.

Ways to Use Them

Parenting tips come in many forms and you may wonder how the heck to even use a tip. Sometimes you may feel overwhelmed. When you get a good tip try writing it down and when a good time comes up use it. You do not have to feel pressured to change your style to parenting just because they are the best parenting tips in the world. Let them happen naturally. Use them if you need them. Do not impose yourself to apply the tips as you can drive yourself nuts and perhaps for your kids too.

Parenting tips can be nice. Do not immediately write them off. Try to see if you can use them and you may be surprised at what you can learn. It is amazing sometimes just how great parenting tips can be. Just do not let the people think that you are not a good parent because of your different approach to parenting. Parenting tips are given so that they can build up your skillset.

Be a better parent today! Find out how you can be a better parent by visit Joseph's website for more Parenting Tips. Visit us here ==> http://www.parentingskill.info

Terrific Parenting Tips For Fathers

2009-08-01T06:03:00.002-07:00

A lot of adjustments are required from the father with the arrival of the new baby. He has to make a smooth transition in order to make life easy for his partner and the new baby. His role changes especially if the partner is also working.

Here are some useful and terrific parenting tips for fathers.

1. The new dad has an additional role to play as a caregiver. He is the provider who earns; and a protector, to see that the family is safe and secure, and now is a care- giver. Life is not merely about himself and his partner but becomes all about the baby. It is an encompassing relationship. The transition can be made easy with realistic expectations.
2. New dads find that with a baby, their relationship changes with their partner. The new baby will take up most of mom's time and energy. She will focus less on her partner. But there will be a change for the better. Love grows and blooms in the relationship of three. Working for a common good -- the baby, family and home life can be a great experience.
3. Dad has to bond with the baby. He will not bond as quickly as mom. She spends more time and breast-feeds the baby, thus establishing a very close union. Babies can communicate through touch. Caressing the baby will get you both closer. Have an eye contact as well. Babies love music -- so sing to them. Do not skip the pediatrician's visits. It will make dad learn more and bond better. Bathe the baby; take him for a walk in his pram. Be patient through the whole process. It is an important time and increases that closeness as the baby grows and matures.

About Author:
Pauline Go is an online leading expert in the parenting industry. She also offers top quality articles like :
Unmarried father rights,
Male infertility testing

Terrific Parenting Tips For Fathers

2009-08-01T06:03:00.001-07:00

Terrific Parenting Tips For Fathers

2009-08-01T06:03:00.000-07:00

Top 10 Parenting Tips To Raise Happy, Healthy, and Smart Kids

2009-08-01T06:00:00.000-07:00

Every parent I know wants nothing less than the best for their children. They want their children to be happy, healthy, and smart. While every child is different and unique, just as every parent is, there are some things you can do to help to insure your child is the happiest, healthiest, and smartest possible. Here is a list of the top ten parenting tips you can use to help insure your child's success in life:

Tip 1 - Command Respect, Don't Demand It. One of the foundations of a good relationship with other people is mutual respect. As a parent you should be commanding the respect of your children, through your actions and words, not demanding that they respect you. As your child learns to respect you in this manner, they will also learn to command respect from others, rather than trying to demand it.

Tip 2 - Maintain Healthy Relationships with Others. Whether it is your spouse or your own friends, it is important that you model good relationship behavior for your children. By having strong relationships with your spouse and your friends, you can show your children how to have strong and healthy relationships with you and the other people in their lives.

Tip 3 - Be a Role Model. Who do you want your children to emulate in their lives, a famous sports star or yourself? Parents should always want to be the number one role model for their children. You want to show them right from wrong, and do this through being a role model who they can emulate in their own lives. Show them how you live and how you do the right things in life even when you are challenged.

Tip 4 - Talk With Your Children, Not At Them. It can be easier to tell your child not to do something or how to behave. However, if you take the time to talk with your children about your expectations, and their expectations as well, you can have a healthy line of communication. This communication channel will grow over the years and you will find that your children will come to you with their issues they need help with. If you talk at your children, they will be less likely to come to you because they will fear a lecture and disapproval.

Tip 5 - Give Unconditional Love and Support. Children are still growing and learning. They will do things at times which you will not approve of, and may not even understand their thinking behind. By always supporting your child with unconditional love, even during the rough times, you can show your child that they will always have your love and support. While you may not approve of their actions, they know that you love them and that you simply do not love the action they took.

Tip 6 - Show Support Though Positive Reinforcement. Never use the words stupid, dumb or other negative words to describe your children. Never tell them they are, or make them feel, less-than. If your children are in school, they will hear enough negativity from the other children when adults are not present. Build them up through positive words at home, so that they will be able to deflect the negative words they hear when you are not with them.

Tip 7 - Eat Smart as a Family. Food habits start from a very young age; what you eat as a child has a lot to do with your eating habits later in life. Start your children off right by offering them whole and healthy foods. If they start eating healthy from a very young age, then they will likely continue to eat well throughout their lives. It is much easier to get children to eat healthy foods if that is the only thing they know.

Tip 8 - Play With Your Children - Often! Children learn though play. By playing with your children you are able to teach them, and they will believe they are just simply playing. Teaching through play is a wonderful way to keep your children both entertained and captive to the lessons you want to instill in them.

Tip 9 - Avoid The Bad Toys, Games and TV. While it may be easier to turn on the TV for your child and let them watch whatever they want this is not a good option. TV will constantly sell to your child through advertisements which are very well designed to make your children want certain toys and games. If you can avoid as many of the bad toys, games and TV itself, you are on the way to having much healthier and safer kids.

Tip 10 - Educate Your Children With Their Toys. By purchasing educational toys for your children you are enabling them to have fun and learn at the same time. One of the best places to purchase your educational toys is through www.mychildplayhouses.com

Hopefully these top ten tips of parenting will help you to raise your children to be happy, healthy, and smart adults while getting the most of their precious childhood years.

You can find thousands of educational toys at MyChildPlayhouses. - your children's educational toys and kids furniture store.

Top 10 Things Your Babysitter Must Do

2009-07-29T09:14:00.001-07:00

If you are looking to find a babysitter, here is a list of 10 things that every good babysitter must do or it may be time to find a new one.

1. Like children. This may sound obvious, but it is not. Some people babysit because they think it is easy money and really hate the kids. Find someone who loves children and you will be so much happier and so will your kids.

2. Be trustworthy. You are trusting this person to care for your children and your home. You must be able to trust them completely.

3. Know how to keep themselves and your child safe. Make sure he or she knows what to do in the case of an emergency situation.

4. Be willing and able to actively watch and entertain your child. If your babysitter does not have good enough health or attention span to participate with your children in their day, you can find better care.

5. Have the patience. They will need to handle difficult whining and crying. If you have any reason to believe that your babysitter might fly off the handle and scare or hurt your child, don't take the chance.

6. Be able to stay calm. If an emergency occurs, this person not only needs to know what to do, but also must remain calm and help your children through it.

7. Know first aid. Skills like care of the choking child, CPR, and wound care are essential skills that every babysitter should know.

8. Know who to ask for help. Babysitters need to know where your important numbers are and know when they should use them.

9. Pass a background check. Don't take chances here. Use a service like Sittercity to find babysitters who pass their background checks. You can never be too careful with the safety and welfare of your children.

10. Take responsibility for your children's lives. Every babysitter should be willing to do whatever it takes to protect their lives and welfare. Any less and it is time for a new babysitter.

A Godly And Holy Father Is A Blessing To The Family And A Light In The Community

2009-07-29T09:08:00.000-07:00

"In a day when fathers are disappearing, write something further on fatherhood." Pleased to oblige!

Almighty God has provided two roles exclusively for males - that of husband and father.

Behind the whole concept of fatherhood lies the Fatherhood of God, and one day Jesus Christ will come back for His bride, the Church, and therein lies the concept of the husband. Now, so many in 'modern society' have wandered far away from these vital concepts.

It was Jesus Christ who gave people the ability to know God as Father, and even to call God, Father.
No man can come to the Father except through Jesus.

Jesus is the way, but the Father is the destination. The ultimate purpose of Jesus is to bring us into a direct personal intimate relationship with God the Father.

This revelation is unique to the Christian Faith.

Many have a warped idea of what the role and function of a father should be.

How repulsive to see on television a father pathetically portrayed as a weak insipid ineffective male.

It was a privileged educational experience for me to be with that Pastor and Headmaster, in Kampala, Uganda, as they shared how they were seeking to teach 400 orphans to become men.

"We will train you to become men! You will face hardships, but we will encourage you to overcome them. Do not simply grow up to be a male, but decide to become a man who will act responsibly."

There is an enemy who hates God, and he will do anything to attack that which represents God upon the earth, by seeking to discredit, destroy and finally dispose of it.

A number of years ago an inaccurate and misleading phrase, 'juvenile delinquent' was used frequently. I found it not only awkward, but untrue, as I came across more and more delinquent parents.

It is not a word frequently used when describing someone - 'godly' - but 'godly' and father can easily go together.

Another equally unused description of a person is 'holy', but both 'godly' and 'holy' express the qualities and characteristics, which God looks for in a man or woman. They matter even in these current times.

These words have almost dropped out of our everyday vocabulary - even in the language used in the Church. What do they mean?

Holy is derived from old English word signifying being whole or healthy - quite simple, and much to be desired.

In the ancient Hebrew language, in which the Old Testament is written, the word 'holy' is used over 80 times in the book of Leviticus alone, and it means, set apart, or marked off - that which is different, separate, sacred.

The related word in the Latin is sanctis implying consecrated, or even blameless.

In the New Testament we are clearly taught that everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted, and that the living Jesus knows how to rescue godly men from trials.

Is it not strange that those who choose to live as God would have them live are warned of persecution, and persecution is presently spreading rapidly all around our world.

Holiness is a unique aspect of God's nature. The light of Jesus Christ reveals the darkness and people resent darkness being exposed.

Jesus was holy, blameless, pure, and set apart from sinners, yet He mixed with them and continues to do so. Aren't you glad?

It is God the Holy Spirit who draws, attracts, separates, reveals and ultimately sanctifies. He always takes the initiative and man responds. What a responsibility - but what a joy!

Being godly and content is to be highly valued, and to pursue being godly is commended - and such a father will be an immense blessing to his family, and a shining light in the community around him.

What the Bible Says About Disciplining Your Children and How to Do it in a Positive Loving Way

2009-07-29T09:02:00.000-07:00

What exactly does the Bible say about disciplining your children and how to do it in a positive, loving manner?

Children come into the world with open minds. They see things with fresh eyes. Listen to this list of proverbs (most of them non-biblical... common saying we've probably all heard a thousand times). A teacher shared the first half of each proverb with her young students and let them provide the ending. Listen to the way kids completed these sayings:

Better to be safe than ... to punch a fifth grader.
Don't bite the hand that ...looks dirty
As you make your bed so shall you ... mess it up
You can't teach an old dog new ... math
A penny saved is ... not much
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and ... you have to blow your nose
Children should be seen and not ... spanked or grounded.

Kids come into this world as little sponges... they absorb and are shaped by the influences they are exposed to.

In this article we're going to think about How to raise a child so that the Soil of his or her Heart is ready for God's Word to take root in it. And in doing that, we'll answer this question about what the Bible says about disciplining children.

Luke 8:4-8 (NIV) "While a large crowd was gathering and people were coming to Jesus from town after town, he told this parable: 5 "A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path; it was trampled on, and the birds of the air ate it up. 6 Some fell on rock, and when it came up, the plants withered because they had no moisture. 7 Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up with it and choked the plants. 8 Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up and yielded a crop, a hundred times more than was sown." When he said this, he called out, "He who has ears to hear, let him hear."

There are 4 kinds of soil mentioned in this parable-each soil type represents different conditions of the heart.

FIRST: THE PATH
Soil becomes a "path" when it gets stepped on a lot.

When I was kid, I used to race motocross, you know-dirt bikes. My friends and I were always looking for good place to practice riding. There was this one field just behind a Village Pantry convenience store and we sort of claimed is as our own. We send a lot of time in the field trying to cut through the high weeds and create some kind of track that we could buzz around on... and it about wiped us out! Creating a half-mile of track requires a LOT of weed chopping! We finally gave up and just started riding around where we wanted the track to be. At first it was really slow going... w were basically just pushing weeds over. But the more times we went around... and around and around... and around... and around...you get the picture---the weeds began to disappear... and a path began to emerge! And low and behold, as we continued to ride the path got wider and before you know it-we had ourselves a track! We just trampled those weeds into oblivion!

And so it is with a child's heart. If it gets stepped on, you know, talked "down to" or "at" instead of talked "to"... like a person (trust me-even if a child is too young to articulate this... they can feel it, and it shapes them) again and again, over and over it will become hard (defensive, unreceptive, closed, like a path).

Blaine Bartel, in his book, Let me tell you what your teens are telling me, says, "Young people may act like they wish you lived on a different planet, but they really want your guidance and direction when it come to their spiritual lives. They also want your correction and discipline when it comes to their natural lives."

Blaine goes on to say that what kids need MOST-is TIME. And the most important thing we can do with the time is just visit with them-and mostly listen. There's a great old teaching that says, "If you really want to build a relationship with a person, always seek to understand, before you seek to be understood." This is hard for us parents sometimes. We feel like we've been there and done that so we understand it all just fine and our kid just needs to be respectful and listen! Well, that may sound okay on paper, but in the real world of battling personalities - it just won't cut the mustard. You've got to spend time really listening to your child-seeking to understand them-this will... (listen to this... this is very important) EARN YOU THE RIGHT TO BE HEARD. Respect is an earned thing, not an automatic, inborn right. If you keep this in mind you'll do well.

James 1:19 (NIV) "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry..."

Another awesome scripture on parenting reads, "Train up a child in the way he should go and in keeping with his individual gift or bent, and when he is old he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6, Amplified Version)

Did you catch that phrase, "and in keeping with his individual gift or bent"? What a great phrase! That means every child is unique and that a big part of parenting is observing our kids-watching to learn about them: What kind of temperament do they have? Are they spontaneous or very planned n the way they live? Are the artistic or athletic? Are they a leader or a follower, are they strong willed or pleasers? All these personality traits-and many more-are all part of a child's "individual gift or bent". As parents we are to encourage and shape and mold and point kids in a positive godly direction that is COMPLEMENTARY to WHO GOD MADE THEM TO BE.

Couple suggestions along these lines...

DON'T MAKE UNFAIR COMPARISONS, "I wish you were more like..." Ouch! That's a lap around the track of their heart with your dirt bike! Do that too many time and you'll have a hard hearted, closed kid.

HELP KIDS BE SUCCESSFUL. In other words-as you discover who they are, what their gift and bent is. Give them opportunities to thrive and shine in their strengths-get them those piano lessons, or let them set up their room like a Broadway stage and put on performances, or play that sport, or write those stories, or whatever it is that you see them leaning toward. Be an encourage them to pursue their passion in a God-honoring way-and in so doing you will be "training them up in the way they should go and in keeping with their individual gift and bent.

AN IMPORTANT PRINCIPLE...
Our kids will never "learn" how to live from what we "say" to them alone. They will instead "follow" what they see modeled" by us.

So we avoid raising kids with HARD HEARTS by RECONIZING THEM, giving them time, listening, seeking to understand before we seek to be understood; by observing them closely and supporting them in their areas of strength so they can shine; and by placing an emphasis on MODELING right behavior instead of just talking about it.

SECOND: ROCKY SOIL

In the text what's emphasized is "SHALLOWNESS". The idea is that there's depth, no room for roots dig in and get established. In human life terms, there's no foundation for healthy growth.

I see this all the time in "BIG STARTERS"... "Oh yeah! Sign me up!.... and then a few weeks pass, and their gone... no foundation... no depth.

We've all been there and experienced elements of this, so what causes it and how can we overcome it with our kids? .

If I was going to grow something in my hard, rocky back yard, would I just throw some seed out there and wait for it to grow? No-that seed wouldn't have a chance! It might spout up quickly if it got some rain... but it would end up being burned up by the sun-because it wouldn't have a chance to grow good roots. If I want that seed to grow, I need to get out there and GIVE THAT SOIL SOME ATTENTION. I need to break up the soil, put some good nutrients in it (fertilizer, etc.) and get rid of the rocks. THEN plant the seed. Now it has a chance.

Giving our kids attention in a similar way, via, godly, loving discipline, breaks up the soil of a hard heart and removes those rocks that inhibit growth. It creates depth of character in a heart... and deep character is the fertile soil that allows real faith to take root and grow.

So, so far we've learned that parents are in the listening, observing, encouraging, supporting, guiding, character building and disciplining business. Quit a tall order eh? But it's worth every ounce of energy that we pour into it! And as we lean on the Lord, He will gives us was we need-be it strength, wisdom, or any other means to be the kind of parents He calls us to be.

Now let's define "godly discipline" for a moment...
Here are five core elements:
1. MODELING: Live your faith. Model the kind of character and behavior you're striving to instill in you kids.

2. CAUSE AND AFFECT: Consistently provide boundaries for your kids. Communicate to them what is acceptable and what is not acceptable and when they cross the line-discipline them appropriately. The goal here is to show them that actions have consequences-good choices produce reward and poor choices produce unwanted results.

3. FORGIVENNESS FOR REPENTANCE: Practice this. Teach your kids that genuine sorrow and repentance results in genuine forgiveness. IMPORTANT-It does not always take away the consequences of poor choices, but it does restore us to a good place relationally and allows us to move forward in love and joy with the people we may have hurt or offended with out poor choice.

4. BLESSING FOR OBEDIENCE: This is basic stuff, but it's vital. IF ALL WE TEACH OUT KIDS is that they get punished for bad choices, I guess it may keep in on the straight and narrow... but it 's not going to inspire them or help them grow or aspire to achieve anything big with their lives. BY REWARDING OUR KIDS for right choices we let them experience the joy of reward! God promises all kinds of rewards to us in Heaven for a life well lived! He also promises all over the Bible to bless godly living. Take that play out of God's play-book and make it part of your parenting.

5. AN EVERLASTING SUPPLY OF LOVE AND HOPE. This one needs very little explanation. Love your kids. Always hope for the best in them. Always encourage and support and believe in and support them. This is so powerful and so essential. Love is the one thing that will get you through the tough times. It's the one thing that your kids will never forget. You may blow it somewhere with your discipline, or your modeling, but if you love your kids-they will sense that and that will cover a multitude of mistakes!

By being consistent in those five areas-you will break up that rocky soil and create some depth of character that is ready to receive good seed and produce real growth.

THIRD: THE WEEDY SOIL
Do you know what a "weed" is? It's an unwanted plant. My grandma, growing up in the hills of Kentucky, ate dandelion greens all the time. I tried them once, mixed with turnip greens and they honestly were pretty good. To Grandma dandelions weren't weeds... they were food! But to me, and probably to you-their weeds!

If you've ever done any gardening, then you know that one of the BIG reasons weeds aren't wanted is because they keep the good plants from getting the good stuff (sun, water, nutrients) then need to grow.

There are lots of "weeds" out there competing for space in the soil of our kid's hearts:
PEERS...

1 Corinthians 15:33 (NIV) "Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character."

ENTERTAINMENT: books, TV, movies

Proverbs 4:23 (NLT) "Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do."

WORLDLY PHILOSOPHY

Colossians 2:8 (NLT) "Don't let anyone lead you astray with empty philosophy and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the evil powers of this world, and not from Christ."

As parents we are entrusted with the responsibility of guarding our kids and helping them navigate through the maze of messages, images, issues, questions etc they will encounter growing up. It's out job to help them "make sense" of things. This is why it's so very important for us to have a good solid relationship with Jesus ourselves and be students of His Word.

FOURTH: GOOD SOIL
When we talk about "good soil", we're not really saying that THIS DIRT is any better than THAT DIRT... All were really saying it that THIS DIRT is more cultivated. It's been tilled, the rocks have been removed, it's had essential nutrient replenished if needed, it's been watered, etc. I.e. IT'S READY TO SUPPORT GROWTH!

The principles are the exactly the same when we talk about a child's heart. Every child is a precious gift from God-created in his image-with the capacity to know and love and serve God and accomplish wonderful things with his or her life. Our job as parents is simply to cultivate the soil of their heart through: time, listening, modeling, godly discipline (cause and affect, forgiveness for repentance, Blessings for obedience... constant love) guidance and encouragement..

As we do those things consistently-we will remove the weeds and the rocks... and we'll instill good nutrients and godly principles and truths into our kids hearts... and most importantly as we MODEL a life of faith (NOT A PERFECTLIFE) but a genuine relationship with Jesus... our kids will pick up on that, and it will become part of their lives.

The Bible's Power Over One Child

2009-07-27T09:57:00.000-07:00

I mentioned Sean in another one of my articles, the story of a young foster boy that we were taking care of. Sean's father was my ex-wife's uncle, and they were going through some tough times for a while and their three children ended up as wards of the state. We eventually ended up taking the oldest child because he was the hardest one to place and another home. His brother and sister ended up with a family that wanted to adopt them and eventually Sean went to live with them and I believe all three of them were adopted by this family. I don't know this for a fact though.

Sean was a emotionally damaged child. His parents would punish him with some strange and bizarre punishments. They weren't really physical punishments but seemed to leave the emotional scars on him and I often think about where he is and what he is doing.

We watched him for about a year and I learned quite a bit from this young man. He was in the third grade but was still at the first grade level for reading and math. I would spend a couple of hours each night during the week helping him with his schoolwork, I seem to have created some sort of allusion that I would be able to bring him up to the third grade level within a short period of time. Wrong. He must've had learning disabilities and of course I don't think I was that good teacher.

Sean was easy going, polite and extremely obedient. He would do anything to avoid getting in trouble and often blamed others for his mistakes. His punishments must have been more than he could bear before he arrived at our home. I think you're getting the picture about what kind of a child Sean was.

One day I found myself in a dilemma with Sean, I couldn't get him to tell me the truth, even though I knew he was lying. I forget what the problem was but I remember a hollow look in his face. It was almost like he wasn't really there. It was almost like he was just doing time, sitting on the bed, listening to me asking the same question over and over again, "Sean are you lying", but he wasn't even paying attention.

I normally would not punish my children for accidents, and never tolerated lying. I was trying to explain to him that he wasn't going to get in trouble, I just wanted to know the truth. He wasn't budging at all and stuck to his story. I remembered that his mother and father were Catholics and feared the church, almost as much as they loved it.

That's what I came up with my evil plan. I don't know where I come up with these ideas, but every once in a while one pops up in my head and I run with it.

I told Sean that I was going to bring the Holy Bible in, and if he could swear on the Bible that he was telling the truth, I would accept that and this would be the end of our conversation. I couldn't believe my eyes, as he started crying and screaming, frantically and excitedly as a yelled out, I did it, I did it, don't bring the Bible in, I won't do it again.

I couldn't believe that was all it took to get information from him. I have always been a pretty good interrogator and found myself gathering information from those people easily, but this was amazing. His fear of the Holy Bible got me thinking about how powerful this book actually is to some people. I remember when I looked upon this book, pretty much the same as Sean did.

It's just a book, like any other book. It's not made at a holy factory or a secret monastery in the Swiss Alps somewhere, it's made from paper and ink and can be damaged and destroyed like other books. I would be surprised if I threw the Bible into the fire, that it wouldn't burn. I would be even more surprised, if I seen three men standing in the fire, wait a minute that's another story in the Bible.

Is it possible for this book to actually control the lives of people. It seemed to control Sean, I wonder if I, could have actually been driving a nail home that his parents started. Could I have added to his belief, that the Bible is a book from God the creator of everything.

Greg Vanden Berge is a published author, internet marketing expert, motivational inspiration to millions of people all over the world and is sharing some of his wisdom with experts in the fields of writing,marketing, and personal development.

5 Tips For Parents to Deal With Obesity in Kids

2009-07-27T09:44:00.000-07:00

Obesity and overweight can be a major problem in kids if not dealt with in time. It imposes both physical and psychological stress on little kids, they do not feel comfortable in the mist of their peers or mates. Obese kids usually dread the company of their mates especially at schools with all the teasing and funny names calling ,probing eyes focusing on them, it can sometimes be so embarrassing to kids, and as a result they may feel inferior and lose their self esteem with social stigmatization, occasionally with a sense of discrimination. This can be telling on kids.

Parents of obese kids should be sensitive to their wards behaviors and urgently take steps to correct any abnormality. It can sometimes be difficult for parents to deal with their kids obesity problems, lets face it, you cannot just start controlling your kids regulating what they should or should not eat, if you do not use the proper approach, they may revolt and protest thinking that he or she is being maltreated. The situation must be handle with diplomacy. So how can a parent deal with this situation?

The first step is to get involved. The major cause of obesity in kids apart from genetic inheritance is lack of physical exercise and excessive consumption of unhealthy foods and drinks, pizzas, burgers, hot dogs, French fries, ice cream, chocolate, etc are all contributing factors. Parents must first rid their kitchens and refrigerators of any fast foods aka junk foods, microwave and processed foods should be things of the past. Every member of the family must be part of a new eating habits, select recipes and cooking methods such as baking, roasting or steaming. Replace deep frying with grilling, make better food selection whenever you go shopping take time to read details of ingredients and other information in the packets especially for new products you are not used to. In this article, I will discuss 5 basic tips that can help parents deal with obesity in their kids.

1. Parents should discourage over eating, controlling portions and sizes should be part of the new eating habit. serve food in reasonable portions, if a kid ask for more, he/she should be served just a little. Use you sense of judgment and No! don't encourage kids to eat leftovers to avoid food wastage, food remnant should be preserved.

2. Encourage outside activities, if you can make a time table for kids to play outside in the play grounds and sometimes go on a walk as a form of light exercise.

3. Discourage the consumption of surgery beverages like soda, processed fruit juices in general try to avoid high calorie drinks. Encourage drinking of water.

4. Fix a time table for watching TV and playing computer games. Parents should not accept eating and watching TV or playing games on the computer at the same time.

5. Monitor your kids school lunches, bag packs should include food rich in fiber, protein, fruits and vegetable must be added. Sugary drinks should be discouraged.

In conclusion, parents who truly want to deal with their kids obesity problem should understand that kids must never be forced to do any things against their wish when it comes to controlling their eating habits, moral suasion should be applied and praises should be given whenever kids do the things you asked them for especially when they obey without any stress, however, try not to reward obedience with food. There are variety of different food diet combination you can choose from to help your kids deal with obesity.

Teaching Moments - Top 10 Ways to Motivate Your Pupils

2009-07-20T09:00:00.000-07:00

As the new school year begins, parents play a pivotal role in their child’s success. Here are 10 tips for motivating your student from GoalSettingforStudents.com.
1. Stress "I’ll Make It Happen" words. Encourage your child to use positive, motivating words like yes, I can, and I will.
2. Minimize "Bummer Words." Avoid using negative or limiting language in discussions with your children. Some of the most common bummer words include no, can’t, won’t, never, maybe, and if.
3. Do the Basketball Shuffle with your child. Play the Basketball Shuffle to encourage independence and responsibility. Write "It’s in your court NOW" on a basketball, and place it in the kitchen or family room to emphasize how the entire family gets the school year off to a good start. Then "pass" the ball to your child to show how he or she is now responsible. Your child can "pass" it back when they need help. The basketball becomes a fun, visual and practical way to emphasize your child’s role in his or her education.
4. Thank You, Ben Franklin. Ben Franklin used the following process week after week for fifty-seven years and claimed it made him a better and happier man. Develop thirteen character traits you and your child want to work on together. Consider honesty, fairness, self-control, order, sincerity, responsibility, self-respect, and kindness to others. Each week select one character trait, and, as a family, work to improve this trait. Provide rewards to the family member who shows the most improvement. Continue the process until you complete all thirteen weeks of character traits.
5. Stress the Importance of Goal Setting. Sit down with your child and set goals for the school year. According to John Bishop, author of the workbook, Goal Setting for Students®, "Students will take more personal ownership for their education when they learn how to set and achieve goals and how to use these principles in the classroom. They will embrace your efforts to help them succeed."
6. Accountability is a Two-Way Street. Both parents and students need to be accountable for a child’s success in school. As adults, parents have to model responsible behavior for their children. Did you promise to volunteer at school, or help with the latest class project? Make sure you follow through.
7. Answer the "BIG" Question. At least three times per week have your child write down the following question, "Did I give my best effort to today’s activities?" and record their answer. If their answer is "yes," reward them. If their answer is "no," have them list two things they will do tomorrow to improve their effort. Writing this question on paper (instead of just discussing it) will imprint the words in their minds.
8. Help Them Manage Their Time. Have a family meeting to discuss the weekly schedule. At the beginning of the school year, it is easy to sign up for too many activities, events and committees. How many activities will each child participate in? When will you have dinner together as a family? When will homework be done? What chores are each family member responsible for and when will they be done? Create a family calendar in a centralized location to keep everyone aware of the day’s activities.
9. Make it easy to study. Create a study area that fits your child’s personality. Do they work best at a desk in a quiet area of their room? Or is the dining room table a better place to work? Does music distract them, or help them focus? Help your child determine the best way to study. Fill a tackle box with commonly used school supplies and keep it stocked. Prevent last-minute runs to the discount store by keeping poster board, extra notebooks, paper and other supplies on hand.
10. Define success—in your child’s eyes. Help your child define what success means to them. Bishop says, "Children need to know that success takes time; success takes planning and a strong desire; success takes setting and achieving goals; success involves helping others. Students need to know it’s their achievement, not ours."

Top 10 Things To Never Believe From Your Teenager

2009-07-20T08:57:00.000-07:00

1) It's not my (pot, beer, cigarettes, etc.), I'm just keeping it for someone else.
Yeah right. The next question for the parent to ask is, "If you are keeping this for your friend, what is your friend keeping for you?" One of the reasons parents can get fooled here is that you so desperately want to believe that it is not theirs and they are not doing drugs. It's important to remember that this is something your teen might be counting on.
2) When caught with drugs - This is just the first time I've tried it.
Unlikely. Usually when kids get caught with and/or using some drugs, they have been doing it awhile. They have simply slipped up, gotten caught, and are trying to find a quick way out of it.
3) We don' have homework in that class
Sometimes this is true. Or they have already done it at school. Often times it's a good excuse for not doing homework, or for covering up for skipping class. Either way, it's one of the easiest to check out by talking with the teacher. Which parents need to be doing anyway.
4) The teacher doesn't like me
Maybe so. This is usually just a handy excuse for bad grades or getting in trouble. Either way, it's the kid's job to find a way to make it work, even if the teacher doesn't like them. It's simply practice for the real world, where not everyone is going to like you; sometimes even bosses or co-workers. The interesting thing about this one is the teens solution to the problem. It goes something like this - "Well, the teacher doesn't like me, so I'll show them by flunking the class." And who is this hurting?
5) Of course there will be parents at the party
The answer to this one is, "If that's true, then you certainly won't mind me calling up your friend's parents to see if there is anything I can do to help."
6) Everyone else gets to do it, so why can't I?
Another popular one designed to make parents feel guilty and old fashioned, so they will give in to something they think is wrong. My mother had a wonderfully confusing answer to this one; "If everyone else stood on their head in the middle of the street at three in the morning in their underwear, would you?" Probably would have.
7) Everyone drinks and smokes. There's not a single person my age who doesn't.
Many, many teenagers do. But not each and every one. I know of plenty who do not and have a very good time with what they do. Another one designed to get parents to tolerate behavior they don't like.
8) If you let me off just this once, I'll promise I'll never do it again.
Another one parents want so badly to believe. Unfortunately, what the teenager usually learns here is that the parent really doesn't mean it about consequences. While in some ways it might be easier to let them off the hook, it teaches very little about the real world.
9 & 10) Give me one good reason why I can't do that!
This one gets two places because it is so common and so important. The crucial part not to believe here is that they are really asking for a legitimate answer to the question. After giving a well reasoned adult answer, here is something you will not hear from your teenager, "Well, thank you for explaining it that way to me folks! And now that you have, not only do I no longer what to do that, I'm embarrassed and ashamed for asking. Please forgive me and good night." If your teen ever says this, call me quickly, something is really wrong!

Parenting Tips and Advice

2009-07-11T10:11:00.001-07:00

Parenting: Which road do I have to take to rear a good child?
But this is just the starting preparation, as we all know that parenting is actually a life long worth of preparations.
THE PROCESS OF BEING A NEW PARENT
Not all this information can be processed in an instant by our brains in a day.
You must admit, that we tend to forget how it is to just relax and get stuck with our boring lifestyle and jobs.
This is the only path that will lead you to self-comfort most especially in those difficult situations that you are most likely to face in the future with your offspring.
PARENTING AS A NEVER-ENDING JOB
Wouldn't we all? If you just happen not to know, that parenting is the hardest job in the world.
Parents are often times unappreciated and overworked.
This applies to whether you are just a first timer parent or already have several kids.
TEACH YOUR KIDS SELF-RELIANCE
I would make them have a fun childhood memories, or in a way heal your own emotional wounds by doing all of these to your children, you are interfering with your child's development unconsciously.
Most of the time, it is out of you own desire for materialistic pressures, or to be liked, and sometimes fervent wish that your child may be spared of the things that you did not experience as a child, as an action you would want to do your best to give them nothing but the best of everything.
GET MORE COMPLIANCE IN NINE WAYS!
Why not use, It's time to work on your homework now.
Let us say for example, when your child asks, Can I watch TV now? Is your initial response is, No.
You must always use positive communication.You have to try phrasing your request or command in a much positive way as opposed to a negative way.
MAKE MEMORIES WITH QUALITY FAMILY TIME
3) Design your dinner table to be a little more festive, avoid the usual setting of a bouquet of flowers.
Otherwise they will not want to even remember these times spent together, and this will easily be just an activity tat they don't want to participate in.
There should also be no electronic games or cell phones while dining together (except for emergencies).
COMMON CHILD AND PARENT PROBLEMS
We never wanted to stand out like a dweeb or a sore loser to be jeered at.
A lot of the lessons now are all computerized, most probably your child is more adept in using a computer than you are.
Being a parent means that you may have some misgivings, that is just one part of it.

Parenting Tips and Advice

2009-07-11T10:11:00.000-07:00

ACE PARENTING TIPS

2009-07-11T09:39:00.000-07:00

If you are the parent of a teenager, I am sure your patience has been tested more than once. In addition, if you are the parent of a rebellious teen, your job is probably even more trying. So what can you do as a parent, to really help a difficult teen? I think the most important quality you can have is to be unrelenting. Do not ever give up on them, on helping them, standing by them, or on parenting them. If you do, who else will they have?
As parents, our job is to love our children unconditionally as we guide them through childhood and into adulthood. No matter how much they test us, fight us, argue with, ignore us or rebel, we must be persistent as parents. There will always be those difficult days...the days when we are exhausted, frustrated, disappointed and overwhelmed, but every day ends and a new one follows. Keep that in mind. Time is not infinite. There is always an end. Be unrelenting.
So how can you be relentless as a parent? A few things that come to mind are to stay active and involved in their life, pursue them and show attentiveness in what interests them. Attend any events they may have, or accept and participate in any of their leisurely activities that you can. For instance, if you have a child who likes to ride skateboards, go and watch them at the skate park, get to know their friends, maybe attend a professional event with them, like the Dew Tour. Whatever it is they are currently passionate about, get interested in too. Also, be sure to let your teen know that you will always be there for them and that you are always available to listen.
Another part of being relentless is choosing to never give up. No matter how hard a situation gets, be willing to learn more, to seek answers, to find the help you need. Nobody is born knowing all there is to being a parent. Therefore, learning is going to be a part of the process. It is imperative that you remain willing to continue reaching out, to keep trying, and to keep learning. It is then, that you will remain close to your child, even through those rebellious teenage years.

Parenting Tips For Handling Temper Tantrums

2009-07-11T09:28:00.000-07:00

Temper tantrums are normal for any child. Handling temper tantrums the right way is your responsibility as a parent. Even though some people refer to children starting tantrums as "the terrible 2s" they can start before then and can continue to school age if not dealt with properly.
Here are 10 parenting tips for handling temper tantrums:
1. Teach your child the right way to get what they want without throwing a tantrum. As an example, "Ask me to please hand you the stuffed bear off the shelf, and I will get it for you"
2. Let them know when playtime is going to end by telling them something like "We are leaving the park in 10 minutes. That way there is no shock when you tell your child playtime is over.
3. Remain calm during a child's tantrum. If you are angry, this only shows to your child that you are out of control.
4. Keep a notepad with you and write down what you observe triggers different tantrums. You can then look over your notes later to figure out a strategy to help your child stop this behavior.
5. Praise and reward your child when they do positive things as often as you can. Only giving them attention for bad behavior will make them throw more tantrums in the future, since that is the main way of getting attention from you.
6. If the tantrum causes a safety issue such as running out in the street, immediately put them in time out or hold them and calmly tell them the dangers of their actions.
7. I know as a parent this is a hard one - but never give in to your child's demands when they throw a tantrum, this is the quickest way to get them to believe that tantrums are the best way to get what they want.
8. When going out somewhere, talk to your child calmly beforehand and explain in detail how you expect them to act and the consequences if they don't, such as time out or grounding from TV etc,.
9. Another hard one - try counting to 10 and think of the best way of handling temper tantrums your child is having instead of just blurting out the first thing that comes to your mind. Using you notes from your notepad will be a great help here.
10. Teach your child that anger is a feeling that all people have, but must learn to control.
Don't feel like you are a bad parent if you don't have a solution to every situation that arises with your child. All of us as parents must ask others questions, and do some studying to be the best parent we can be. Parenting like it or not, is a lifelong learning adventure.
Keep in mind there are many things that cause temper tantrums like your child's age, if they are tired, a stressful environment such as a crowded mall, or they may just be hungry. Remember that tantrums are just as stressful on your child as they are on you. Print out this list to look at when you need help so you and your child can live a calmer, happier life together.

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