It takes every ounce of fiber in you to refrain from intervening. You must be willing to let go of her as she self-destructs because it's what she wants. Out of love for her, you behave in the very manner that is so repugnant to you: you do nothing.
For eighteen years it has been your responsibility to do: with her, for her,because ofher. Your duty, as you perceived it, was to stay involved in her life. Your duty, now, as she perceives it, is to stay out of her life.
When did it all begin to change? When did she suddenly decide that she did not need the very mother to whom she used to cling? That child that would rather die than hurt her mother-- where is she now? You wonder if you held her too closely. You doubt your judgment in telling her how special she was: maybe it was too much for her to live up to. Loneliness covers you like gauze as you wonder who it is she tells her secret dreams to. You hope she still has dreams.
You think you must have felt it coming: that time when you would have to set her free; but you thought it would be more amiable. You agree that every person has the right to self-determinism; but as you watch her acting out her lack of self-respect, you realize you only believed that in theory.
You remember how you talked of her future with expectant hearts. She had so much going for her. You thought you had happy productive days planned. Did she find something more desirable -- something she was more comfortable with than success? You search for clues that would have allowed you to see how much she hates herself, but none come forward.
You try not to show your repulsion as you look at the sleazy dress that almost covers her amply endowed breasts and buttocks. A lump lodges in your throat as you try to find those beautiful soft, brown eyes amidst the purple and green eye shadows packed on her lids. You're repelled by her tatoo-covered legs, and you're relieved she does not offer to kiss you with those blood-red, over-lined lips. You remember how she used to sit on the floor with her head in your lap so you could stroke her soft, shiny brown hair. What provokes this memory is looking at the teased, gelled, punked-out mess that sits atop her head in flagrant defiance.
She informs you she has a right to live her own life no matter how shabby it is. Her declarations of independence spew out like venom and head straight for your heart. You wonder who is this person is as her once-radiant face now contorts into the ugliness of anger. Is this the same child whose face lit up as she sang "Jesus Loves Me," who memorized scriptures voluntarily? Is this the same girl who seemed to understand spiritually mature principles of scripture at a young age?
Friends who hardly spoke to you before, now find it necessary to report when and where they've seen her--and with whom. What makes them think you want to be reminded of her dissolute lifestyle?
Now you know what a cornered animal feels like. You cannot step in and fix things as you've always done -- she will not allow it. For her sake, you will not even try. It would only make her more dependent on your judgment, on your experience, and you cannot deprive her of her own experience. You dare not send her any messages that cause her to believe she is incapable of being her own person.
No, any intervention at this point, would only prolong the inevitable: she would find it necessary to tear away from you later, perhaps then, tearing bigger pieces of both your hearts.
Now you wait for her to find herself -- to find you again. You pray it happens before she destroys the child you love. You wonder how long it will take, and if you'll still be alive.
And then you remember that Isaiah 54:13 promises that your children shall be taught of the Lord. And you are reminded in Philippians 2:6 that He who began the good work in [her] will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ. And you realize that, like Hannah who kept her promise to God and turned her only son over to Eli and his wicked sons, you have to trust God to protect your child, even in the midst of a wicked world.
www.ezinearticles.com
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Tips to Better Parenting!
1) Discipline While They Are Young.
2) Spend A Lot Of Quality Time With Them.
3) Protect Them Throughout The Years.
Many people wonder what the secret is to raising good children. The truth is that there is no secret, but it does take a lot of effort on the parents end.
First tip is in the act of discipline. There must be some sort of discipline in the household and you have to start while they are young. If you give them everything they want when they are of the younger age it will ruin chances of guiding them when they get to their teens.
Second tip, you must spend plenty of time with them while they are at home. Family time is a very important key to good parenting. Read books together, sit down for a family game or maybe have a movie night. You don't always need to be with your children, but you do however need to spend the time with them to check up on their lives.
Third tip, protect them. One way you may be able to protect is the choice of schools. Public schools for example have higher rates of problems. Drugs, violence, gangs, and etc. tend to be more among public schools. Check into a private school. Preferably a christian one. Protect them in the manner of watching who they go out with and how late. You can give them some trust, but remember to follow-up on how wisely they spent their time out.
Those tips are only a start as I'm positive you will find many more. Always remember to love your children and live life with them.
www.ezinearticles.com
2) Spend A Lot Of Quality Time With Them.
3) Protect Them Throughout The Years.
Many people wonder what the secret is to raising good children. The truth is that there is no secret, but it does take a lot of effort on the parents end.
First tip is in the act of discipline. There must be some sort of discipline in the household and you have to start while they are young. If you give them everything they want when they are of the younger age it will ruin chances of guiding them when they get to their teens.
Second tip, you must spend plenty of time with them while they are at home. Family time is a very important key to good parenting. Read books together, sit down for a family game or maybe have a movie night. You don't always need to be with your children, but you do however need to spend the time with them to check up on their lives.
Third tip, protect them. One way you may be able to protect is the choice of schools. Public schools for example have higher rates of problems. Drugs, violence, gangs, and etc. tend to be more among public schools. Check into a private school. Preferably a christian one. Protect them in the manner of watching who they go out with and how late. You can give them some trust, but remember to follow-up on how wisely they spent their time out.
Those tips are only a start as I'm positive you will find many more. Always remember to love your children and live life with them.
www.ezinearticles.com
The Importance Of Reading Fairy Tales In A Child's Life
The Importance of Fairy Tales in a Child's Life
Wisdom from Bruno Bettelheim's The Uses of Enchantment
I spent many delicious hours as a child reading fairy tales. Even today, many of the stories I devoured ring clear in my head, although I have not read them in perhaps forty years. Stories of dancing princesses escaping to an underground world of music and balls, the finding of a magic ring baked in a cake, the agony of a sister trying to free her brothers from a spell that has changed them into swans-these elements of fairy tales sank deep into my heart and imagination and continue with me today. Why is this?
As I pondered this question, I had a chance meeting with a woman who had run a Christian bookstore for years. She told me of the many parents who would come into the store looking for suitable reading material for their children. When offered fairy tales, they would shy away, fearing the dark and disturbing images that had the potential to frighten and traumatize their young ones. Their argument would go like this: "Fairy tales are scary and present the world dishonestly. They would make my child confused as to what is real and what is fabricated. They are full of ogres and witches and giants, so why should I allow my child to be terrified by things that aren't even real?"
Because I write full-length Christian-based fairy tales, I decided to explore these questions and address these valid concerns of many parents. I thought back to a book I had read when my first daughter was born: Bruno Bettelheim's famous book, The Uses of Enchantment. I remember the impact that book had on me, and because of its logic, chose to immerse my children in the world of fantasy and fairy tales throughout their childhood. Now that they are grown, I have asked them how these stories have shaped and affected their worldview and creativity. They have no doubt that their lives have been seriously enriched by this experience, and reading fairy tales has contributed toward their healthy and confident attitudes about the challenges and terrors of this life.
Bruno Bettelheim was a child psychologist, famous for his research on autism. The aforementioned book written in 1976 won him a National Book Award. I love what he writes in the introduction. "Wisdom does not burst forth fully developed like Athena out of Zeus's head; it is built up, small step by small step, from most irrational beginnings. Only in adulthood can an intelligent understanding of the meaning of one's existence in this world be gained from one's experiences in it. Unfortunately, too many parents want their children's minds to function as their own do-as if mature understanding of ourselves and the world, and our ideas about the meaning of life, did not have to develop as slowly as our bodies and minds. Today, as in times past, the most important and also the most difficult task in raising a child is helping him to find meaning in life."
Working in the field of autism presented Bettelheim with the challenge of restoring meaning to the lives of severely disturbed children. He found most literature for young readers to be sadly lacking in the ability to accomplish this task, but also knew that literature held the best promise to pass on cultural heritage, which he felt was crucial. And this was what he deemed necessary: "To enrich [the child's] life, it must stimulate his imagination; help him to develop his intellect and to clarify his emotions; be attuned to his anxieties and aspirations; give full recognition to his difficulties, while at the same time relate to all aspects of his personality-and this without ever belittling but, on the contrary, giving full credence to the seriousness of the child's predicaments, while simultaneously promoting confidence in himself and in his future." He goes on to say how important it is that literature provide a moral education which subtly, and through implication only, "conveys to him the advantages of moral behavior." His conclusion? "The child finds this kind of meaning through fairy tales."
The German poet Schiller wrote: "Deeper meaning resides in the fairy tales told to me in my childhood than in the truth that is taught by life." How can this be? Bettelheim says, "These tales start where the child really is in his psychological and emotional being. They speak about his severe inner pressures in a way that the child unconsciously understands and . . . offers examples of both temporary and permanent solutions to pressing difficulties."
Parents longing to protect their children from evil, scary things in the world do well to remember that this is the world to which we are preparing them to face. By hiding that world from their awareness, by trying to postpone or color the harsh realities of life, we are doing them a great disservice. We have the Bible as the master example of frankness and the revealing and candid exposing of evil in its many forms. God did not censor murder, rape, betrayal, cruelty, incest, and even sexual passion from the pages of His word. Parents may argue that a young child does not need to learn about these things, and it is true-there is a time and season for all things, and some are best to cover when a child may be more mature to understand and emotionally deal with some of these things.
Here's what Bettelheim says: "In child or adult, the unconscious is a powerful determinant of behavior. When the unconscious is repressed and its content denied entrance into awareness, then eventually the person's conscious mind will be partially overwhelmed by derivatives of these unconscious elements, or else he is forced to keep such rigid, compulsive control over them that his personality may become severely crippled . . . . The prevalent parental belief is that a child must be diverted from what troubles him most: his formless, nameless anxieties, and his chaotic, angry, and even violent fantasies. Many parents believe that only conscious reality or pleasant and wish-fulfilling images should be presented to the child-that he should be exposed only to the sunny side of things. But such one-sided fare nourishes the mind only in a one-sided way, and real life is not all sunny."
Rather than shelter children from life's evils, we can equip them with the tools needed to face them head-on with confidence. Bettelheim says that a struggle against severe difficulties in life is unavoidable, is an intrinsic part of human experience. If one does not shy away, "but steadfastly meets unexpected and often unjust hardships, one masters all obstacles and at the end emerges victorious."
The Elements of Fairy Tales
The fairy tale, according to Bettelheim, confronts the child squarely with the most scary subjects in life: death, aging, loss of a parent, being trapped or lost, and other stresses. The fairy tale simplifies all situations, allowing the child to come to grips with the problem in its most essential form. The figures are clearly drawn and the details, unless very important, are eliminated. All characters are typical rather than unique. Evil is as common as any virtue and both are usually embodied in the form of a figure or their actions. Evil is not without its attractions, "symbolized by the mighty dragon or giant, the power of the witch, the cunning queen in 'Snow White.' " In many fairy tales the usurper succeeds for a time-as with Cinderella's sisters and step-mother-but in the end, the evildoer is punished, and the moral is that crime does not pay. Because the child follows the hero through his or her journey, he can identify with the hero in all his struggles-suffering and triumphing with him. Bettelheim says that the child "makes such identifications all on his own, and the inner and outer struggles of the hero imprint morality on him."
The most important element in fairy tales, to me, is the moral choice presented to the hero. The child learns that choices have consequences, and the child can choose what kind of person she wants to be. Only by "going out into the world" does the hero learn, and acquire happiness. The fairy tale is future-oriented and guides the child, so that instead of escaping into a world of unreality, she is given tools to help her develop character and courage to face what the world presents to her. Often the hero is lost, alone, frightened. These are feelings a child identifies with. Yet, her hero is guided and given help along the way because of his determination and courage. In this way, fairy tales work their own kind of magic, for in reading them, the child feels understood and enriched, giving the child what Bettelheim says is "an enchanted quality just because he does not quite know how the stories have worked their wonder on him.
"Fairy tales, unlike any form of literature, direct the child to discover his identity and calling, and they also suggest what experiences are needed to develop his character further. Fairy tales intimate that a rewarding, good life is within one's reach despite adversity-but only if one does not shy away from the hazardous struggles without which one can never achieve true identity." This is a basic tenet of the Bible as well: that those who want to please God and obtain his favor need to endure difficulties; that these trials produce endurance, character, and hope, and that the hope does not disappoint (Romans 5:3-5).
So, do not discount fairy tales as a bad influence on your children. Rather, be selective, and choose age-appropriate stories to give to them. But do not be afraid of unleashing their imagination and letting them confront their darkest fears. By giving them heroes to identify with, you are letting those fears surface in a subtle manner, and allowing your child to find his courage and make moral choices vicariously-choices that will build his character and have influence on the rest of his life.
I look at my daughters, now grown, and see how that world of imagination and fantasy helped them to face evil and struggles, gave them confidence and courage, and stimulated their imagination which poured over into their art, writing, poetry, and music. We cannot hide our children from the evils of the world, and even explaining everything in a pat manner from God's Word does not dispel the deep fears and worries a child has. Only by bringing them to the surface in a safe and imaginative way can we as parents help them mature and become responsible adults. I think of that word, responsible, as response-able, for that is our goal: to help our children become able to respond competently to any situation life puts before them, and fairy tales will help them do just that.
www.ezinearticles.com
Wisdom from Bruno Bettelheim's The Uses of Enchantment
I spent many delicious hours as a child reading fairy tales. Even today, many of the stories I devoured ring clear in my head, although I have not read them in perhaps forty years. Stories of dancing princesses escaping to an underground world of music and balls, the finding of a magic ring baked in a cake, the agony of a sister trying to free her brothers from a spell that has changed them into swans-these elements of fairy tales sank deep into my heart and imagination and continue with me today. Why is this?
As I pondered this question, I had a chance meeting with a woman who had run a Christian bookstore for years. She told me of the many parents who would come into the store looking for suitable reading material for their children. When offered fairy tales, they would shy away, fearing the dark and disturbing images that had the potential to frighten and traumatize their young ones. Their argument would go like this: "Fairy tales are scary and present the world dishonestly. They would make my child confused as to what is real and what is fabricated. They are full of ogres and witches and giants, so why should I allow my child to be terrified by things that aren't even real?"
Because I write full-length Christian-based fairy tales, I decided to explore these questions and address these valid concerns of many parents. I thought back to a book I had read when my first daughter was born: Bruno Bettelheim's famous book, The Uses of Enchantment. I remember the impact that book had on me, and because of its logic, chose to immerse my children in the world of fantasy and fairy tales throughout their childhood. Now that they are grown, I have asked them how these stories have shaped and affected their worldview and creativity. They have no doubt that their lives have been seriously enriched by this experience, and reading fairy tales has contributed toward their healthy and confident attitudes about the challenges and terrors of this life.
Bruno Bettelheim was a child psychologist, famous for his research on autism. The aforementioned book written in 1976 won him a National Book Award. I love what he writes in the introduction. "Wisdom does not burst forth fully developed like Athena out of Zeus's head; it is built up, small step by small step, from most irrational beginnings. Only in adulthood can an intelligent understanding of the meaning of one's existence in this world be gained from one's experiences in it. Unfortunately, too many parents want their children's minds to function as their own do-as if mature understanding of ourselves and the world, and our ideas about the meaning of life, did not have to develop as slowly as our bodies and minds. Today, as in times past, the most important and also the most difficult task in raising a child is helping him to find meaning in life."
Working in the field of autism presented Bettelheim with the challenge of restoring meaning to the lives of severely disturbed children. He found most literature for young readers to be sadly lacking in the ability to accomplish this task, but also knew that literature held the best promise to pass on cultural heritage, which he felt was crucial. And this was what he deemed necessary: "To enrich [the child's] life, it must stimulate his imagination; help him to develop his intellect and to clarify his emotions; be attuned to his anxieties and aspirations; give full recognition to his difficulties, while at the same time relate to all aspects of his personality-and this without ever belittling but, on the contrary, giving full credence to the seriousness of the child's predicaments, while simultaneously promoting confidence in himself and in his future." He goes on to say how important it is that literature provide a moral education which subtly, and through implication only, "conveys to him the advantages of moral behavior." His conclusion? "The child finds this kind of meaning through fairy tales."
The German poet Schiller wrote: "Deeper meaning resides in the fairy tales told to me in my childhood than in the truth that is taught by life." How can this be? Bettelheim says, "These tales start where the child really is in his psychological and emotional being. They speak about his severe inner pressures in a way that the child unconsciously understands and . . . offers examples of both temporary and permanent solutions to pressing difficulties."
Parents longing to protect their children from evil, scary things in the world do well to remember that this is the world to which we are preparing them to face. By hiding that world from their awareness, by trying to postpone or color the harsh realities of life, we are doing them a great disservice. We have the Bible as the master example of frankness and the revealing and candid exposing of evil in its many forms. God did not censor murder, rape, betrayal, cruelty, incest, and even sexual passion from the pages of His word. Parents may argue that a young child does not need to learn about these things, and it is true-there is a time and season for all things, and some are best to cover when a child may be more mature to understand and emotionally deal with some of these things.
Here's what Bettelheim says: "In child or adult, the unconscious is a powerful determinant of behavior. When the unconscious is repressed and its content denied entrance into awareness, then eventually the person's conscious mind will be partially overwhelmed by derivatives of these unconscious elements, or else he is forced to keep such rigid, compulsive control over them that his personality may become severely crippled . . . . The prevalent parental belief is that a child must be diverted from what troubles him most: his formless, nameless anxieties, and his chaotic, angry, and even violent fantasies. Many parents believe that only conscious reality or pleasant and wish-fulfilling images should be presented to the child-that he should be exposed only to the sunny side of things. But such one-sided fare nourishes the mind only in a one-sided way, and real life is not all sunny."
Rather than shelter children from life's evils, we can equip them with the tools needed to face them head-on with confidence. Bettelheim says that a struggle against severe difficulties in life is unavoidable, is an intrinsic part of human experience. If one does not shy away, "but steadfastly meets unexpected and often unjust hardships, one masters all obstacles and at the end emerges victorious."
The Elements of Fairy Tales
The fairy tale, according to Bettelheim, confronts the child squarely with the most scary subjects in life: death, aging, loss of a parent, being trapped or lost, and other stresses. The fairy tale simplifies all situations, allowing the child to come to grips with the problem in its most essential form. The figures are clearly drawn and the details, unless very important, are eliminated. All characters are typical rather than unique. Evil is as common as any virtue and both are usually embodied in the form of a figure or their actions. Evil is not without its attractions, "symbolized by the mighty dragon or giant, the power of the witch, the cunning queen in 'Snow White.' " In many fairy tales the usurper succeeds for a time-as with Cinderella's sisters and step-mother-but in the end, the evildoer is punished, and the moral is that crime does not pay. Because the child follows the hero through his or her journey, he can identify with the hero in all his struggles-suffering and triumphing with him. Bettelheim says that the child "makes such identifications all on his own, and the inner and outer struggles of the hero imprint morality on him."
The most important element in fairy tales, to me, is the moral choice presented to the hero. The child learns that choices have consequences, and the child can choose what kind of person she wants to be. Only by "going out into the world" does the hero learn, and acquire happiness. The fairy tale is future-oriented and guides the child, so that instead of escaping into a world of unreality, she is given tools to help her develop character and courage to face what the world presents to her. Often the hero is lost, alone, frightened. These are feelings a child identifies with. Yet, her hero is guided and given help along the way because of his determination and courage. In this way, fairy tales work their own kind of magic, for in reading them, the child feels understood and enriched, giving the child what Bettelheim says is "an enchanted quality just because he does not quite know how the stories have worked their wonder on him.
"Fairy tales, unlike any form of literature, direct the child to discover his identity and calling, and they also suggest what experiences are needed to develop his character further. Fairy tales intimate that a rewarding, good life is within one's reach despite adversity-but only if one does not shy away from the hazardous struggles without which one can never achieve true identity." This is a basic tenet of the Bible as well: that those who want to please God and obtain his favor need to endure difficulties; that these trials produce endurance, character, and hope, and that the hope does not disappoint (Romans 5:3-5).
So, do not discount fairy tales as a bad influence on your children. Rather, be selective, and choose age-appropriate stories to give to them. But do not be afraid of unleashing their imagination and letting them confront their darkest fears. By giving them heroes to identify with, you are letting those fears surface in a subtle manner, and allowing your child to find his courage and make moral choices vicariously-choices that will build his character and have influence on the rest of his life.
I look at my daughters, now grown, and see how that world of imagination and fantasy helped them to face evil and struggles, gave them confidence and courage, and stimulated their imagination which poured over into their art, writing, poetry, and music. We cannot hide our children from the evils of the world, and even explaining everything in a pat manner from God's Word does not dispel the deep fears and worries a child has. Only by bringing them to the surface in a safe and imaginative way can we as parents help them mature and become responsible adults. I think of that word, responsible, as response-able, for that is our goal: to help our children become able to respond competently to any situation life puts before them, and fairy tales will help them do just that.
www.ezinearticles.com
Practical Ways to Train Christians
In the practice of the Christian religion the upbringing of the Christian child is of immense importance. This is the reason for which it is accorded preeminence in all of the Christian faith. For instance, parents, in clear terms are charged not to provoke their children to anger lest they be discouraged (Col 3: 21). The consequence, if parents act in disobedience to this biblical injunction is that the children will become discouraged. And if a child is discouraged it is most likely that he/she will resist good training. It will then be difficult, if not impossible, to preach amongst other things, salvation to such a child. This, therefore, is one responsibility that parents should learn not to toy with because it can make or break the child's salvation.
Little wonder then that it is a solemn obligation for Christian parents to give their children the instruction and correction that will amount to befitting qualities for Christian children. Parents themselves in their daily conducts are advised to be good reflectors of the right Christian life both in their actions and deeds - this plays up the maxim that 'you can't give what you don't have'.
To better act the role in a manner that will be useful to humanity, parents should tend their care and training toward children's salvation rather than dedicate the entirety of their energy to mundane pleasures like jobs, professions, ministries, money and social standing (Psalm 127:3).
Firm Christian teachings and instructions (Eph 6:4 and Col 3:21) hold parents duty-bound to give their children the upbringing that will make them pleasing to, and acceptable by God. By and large therefore, it becomes self-revealing that it is the family, not the church or Christian school that is essentially responsible for good spiritual training of the Christian child. Sunday school activities merely assist parental duties.
The purport of all of this is the child's heart. It is that the heart of the father should be turned to the heart of the child in order to bring the heart of the child to the heart of the CREATOR. Here is where the very heart of the nature of the Christian religion lies.
But in performing this all-important role, the parents, at every given moment, should be so broad-minded that they entertain no favoritism. Encouragement of the children is necessary. Correction is a must. Most of all punishment stands non-negotiable in dealing with matters bordering on intentional wrongdoing.
In closing, our principal charge to Christian parents remains: Instruct your children with patience and understanding. Dedicate your lives to your children with a heart of compassion, kindness, humility and gentleness.
www.ezinearticles.com
Little wonder then that it is a solemn obligation for Christian parents to give their children the instruction and correction that will amount to befitting qualities for Christian children. Parents themselves in their daily conducts are advised to be good reflectors of the right Christian life both in their actions and deeds - this plays up the maxim that 'you can't give what you don't have'.
To better act the role in a manner that will be useful to humanity, parents should tend their care and training toward children's salvation rather than dedicate the entirety of their energy to mundane pleasures like jobs, professions, ministries, money and social standing (Psalm 127:3).
Firm Christian teachings and instructions (Eph 6:4 and Col 3:21) hold parents duty-bound to give their children the upbringing that will make them pleasing to, and acceptable by God. By and large therefore, it becomes self-revealing that it is the family, not the church or Christian school that is essentially responsible for good spiritual training of the Christian child. Sunday school activities merely assist parental duties.
The purport of all of this is the child's heart. It is that the heart of the father should be turned to the heart of the child in order to bring the heart of the child to the heart of the CREATOR. Here is where the very heart of the nature of the Christian religion lies.
But in performing this all-important role, the parents, at every given moment, should be so broad-minded that they entertain no favoritism. Encouragement of the children is necessary. Correction is a must. Most of all punishment stands non-negotiable in dealing with matters bordering on intentional wrongdoing.
In closing, our principal charge to Christian parents remains: Instruct your children with patience and understanding. Dedicate your lives to your children with a heart of compassion, kindness, humility and gentleness.
www.ezinearticles.com
Spiritual Shape Shifting - Christian Leadership in an Amoral Society
Introduction
“…the moral elements are among the most important in war. They constitute the spirit that permeates war as a whole, and at an early stage they establish a close affinity with the will that moves and leads the whole mass of force, practically merging with it, since the will is itself a moral quantity. Unfortunately they will not yield to academic wisdom. They cannot be classified or counted. They have to be seen or felt.”
--Carl von Clausewitz
On War
The value system of American society has become increasingly more relaxed towards the rights and freedoms of individual citizens in establishing and living by their own values. “Morality” has become a dirty word in many societal circles as criteria for determining right and wrong. Leaders sometimes avoid spiritual discussion asserting that it does not impact effectiveness. We can certainly desire only to be effective leaders and describe and justify those traits that will lead to effective leadership. But if that is all we aim for, then we have removed the moral component out of that description and we should not pretend that the resulting traits are ethical. ‘The ends do not always justify the means.’
It is not sufficient that we allow our success to determine what the core morals are. This is because the way we act largely determines the kind of people we become. Since dishonest people and criminals do not live the good life, it would be irrational to act in such a way to become such a person. Leaders require integrity, discipline, accountability, commitment, innovation, and intelligence to inspire and direct others to achieve goals. While this is not intended to be an exhaustive list, nor a complete account of the leadership values, it does illustrate how one can derive and justify relevant virtues.
Leadership versus Management
“Leadership is a function, not a position.” (Lewis, 1996) There is a continuing controversy about the difference between leadership and management. It is possible that a person can be a leader without being a manager (e.g., an informal leader), and a person can be a manager without leading, or manage without subordinates (e.g., a manager of financial accounts). Nobody has proposed that managing and leading are equivalent, but the degree of overlap has been a point of sharp disagreement. The essence of this argument seems to be that managers are oriented toward stability and leaders are oriented toward innovation; managers get people to do things more efficiently, whereas leaders get people to agree about what things should be done.
The current research in leadership is overflowing with books describing the virtues of leadership. Recent authors include Stephen Covey, Principle Centered Leadership (1991); John Kotter, On What Leaders Really Do (1999); Phillip Lewis, Transformational Leadership (1996); Aubrey Malphurs, Being Leaders (2003); and John Maxwell, Developing the Leader within You (1993) to name a few. The argument with the most merit was John Kotter (1988), that “leading and managing are distinct processes…” and that to label people as either leaders and/or managers does little to advance our knowledge or understanding of leadership.
“The word ‘manager’ is an occupational title for a large number of people and it is insensitive to use the term in a way that fosters an inaccurate, negative stereotype of them.” (Yukl, 1998) Leaders and managers are not different types of people but rather the same people in different situations or processes. After reading Kotter, Yukl, Covey, Lewis, Malphurs, Maxwell, and the biographies of military leaders from throughout the ages, the conclusion seems very clear. While the models that examine leadership principles may change, these principles are timeless; this includes moral dimensions. “…leaders who know God and who know how to lead in a Christian manner will be phenomenally more effective in the world than even the most skilled and qualified leaders who lead without God. Spiritual Leadership is not just for Pastors and Missionaries.” (Blackaby, 2001)
Core issue: Moral, Immoral, or Amoral
“The Moral Law causes the people to be in complete accord with their ruler, so that they will follow him regardless of their lives, undismayed by any danger.”
--Sun Tzu
The Art of War
“Morality is a complex system of principles based on cultural, religious, and philosophical concepts and beliefs, by which an individual determines whether his or her actions are right or wrong.” (Wikipedia, 2005) For many individuals, morality is influenced, to a large degree, by religion or theology; but for others, secular and ethical codes are also followed. Religions typically hold that morality is not a human construct, but is the work of God. Such as in the Judeo-Christian religions, the Ten Commandments is held to have been issued directly to mankind by God. Non-religious individuals justify morality on the basis that helping humanity is itself fundamentally 'good' and base morality on humanitarian principles.
"Immoral" refers to “a person or behavior that is self-consciously within the scope of morality but does not abide by its rules.” (Wikipedia, 2005) The thief would agree that stealing is wrong but inconsistently try to excuse his particular act and shoulder the blame onto others by saying that he had no choice and so on. In day-to-day conversations, "amoral" and "immoral" are sometimes used interchangeably. However, "Amoral" must be distinguished from "immoral" in that “amoral persons either do not possess ethical notions at all as a result of an unusual upbringing or inborn traits (such as the so-called Antisocial personality disorder) or else do not subscribe to any moral code.” (Wikipedia, 2005) Someone may maintain that he will do as he likes and let others do the same, if they so desire, without turning this into a general principle. Because whoever says so only expresses his personal preference about the way he is going to act, the position is consistent.
Many organizations focus more on ethics rather than morals. Ethics is an intellectual approach to moral issues that asks questions such as how one ought to behave in a specific situation (for example, is abortion morally permissible?) Wether or not the claim necessitates a specific ethical stance is a matter of debate. As stated earlier, contemporary American society encourages members of its diverse population to establish their own values which leads to cultural relativism. “Cultural relativism is the principle that an individual human's beliefs and activities make sense in terms of his or her own culture.” (Wikipedia, 2005) What follows is that a particular aspect of morality may be questioned or reasoned away, especially by younger generations in society. At times, this questioning extends to the society in general, even to the extent of liberalising laws which prohibited certain behaviors. Such as in the case of abortion, it’s her body or in the case of same sex marraiges, it not my business who marries who. Cultural Relativism also leads to a culture’s justification of immoral beliefs. Such as in the case of racial slurs; ‘It’s fine for blacks to use derragatory words towards other blacks in casual conversations or music videos but it’s wrong for a person of another race to do so.
US Military Value System
“If the theory of war did no more than remind us of these [moral] elements, demonstrating the need to reckon with and give full value to moral qualities, it would expand its horizon, and simply by establishing this point of view would condemn in advance anyone who sought to base an analysis on material factors alone.”
--Carl Von Clausewitz
On War
The US military has a responsibility to itself and society to set and adhere to high moral standards. This requires the kind of moral courage that is critical to successful leadership. It also models a healthy value system for a society that may be in danger due to its own abandonment of such traditional values. The military value system is based almost entirely on the laws that govern it, the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ). The UCMJ applies to all branches of the military including the Coast Guard. Most of the issues covered in the UCMJ include: bringing cases to military courts, the different types of court-martial, treatment and apprehension of prisoners, and the trial process. Additionally, rules and regulations govern military behavior and standards of conduct. It is the very nature of military leadership to promote virtuous behavior for themselves and those who follow rather than passively follow the crowd that is liberalizing its values to accommodate contemporary social trends.
The professional military leader is stuck in the middle of this conflict between traditional and contemporary values, on one hand being a member of a dynamic society, and on the other hand called to lead in an establishment steadfast on traditional moral principles. But you may have noticed that people with military experience have certain intangible qualities. Things like self–confidence, pride and a sense of purpose. The military instills these qualities in enlistees because it makes them good people. By embodying such core values as Honor, Courage and Commitment; men and women build character and confidence, develop strong team skills, and learn to accept responsibility and accountability for personal actions. In the Navy, for instance, the same bedrock principles or core values of honor, courage, and commitment have carried on to today since the naval service began during the American Revolution.
Military Perspective on Homosexuality
The military law expressed in the Manual for Courts-Martial (MCM) and Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ) is clear on the US military’s view of homosexual behavior. UCMJ Article 125, Sodomy, declares: “Any person subject to this chapter who engages in unnatural carnal copulation with another person of the same sex or with an animal is guilty of sodomy. Penetration, however slight, is sufficient to complete the offense.” The MCM provides a detailed description of what it considers “unnatural copulation” that clearly addresses the sex acts of homosexuality. It sets the maximum punishment for guilt of this offense as dishonorable discharge, forfeiture of all pay and allowances, and confinement from 5 years up to life (depending on whether the act is consensual and whether the act is committed with a child). This is just one of many longstanding provisions of military law based on moral acts. Many would argue that the Department of Defense (DOD) policy on homosexuals in the military called “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” has weakened the military’s position on this issue.
By citing homosexual behavior as an illegal act, military law makes a strong value judgment of its unacceptability. Moreover, by describing this conduct as an “unnatural” act, the UCMJ and MCM make a moral determination that homosexuality itself is wrong. Indeed, there is no mention in the UCMJ Article 125 or in the applicable MCM provision of the need to prove a negative influence of this activity on order, discipline, or image of the armed forces. Conduct of the act alone is enough to constitute guilt. There is a historical moral basis of condemning homosexuality in the American society, leading me to conclude that this value judgment is also based on traditional moral principles, such as those found in the bible: “Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman.” (Leviticus 18:22, KJV)
American Societal Value System
“America today is in a virtue deficit where our standards of right and wrong have become increasingly hazy. Out of this haze have arisen great problems within our society including: hostility towards organized religion, sexual exploitation, the homosexual agenda, the demise of the family, and the culture of death.”
--Gary Bauer
President, American Values.org
Similar to the military value system, most of what American society believes to be right and wrong (i.e. morals) is defined by our laws. Centuries ago, our Founders boldly proclaimed to the world a distinctly American faith in democracy; a faith rooted in the self-evident truths that "all men are created equal and endowed by their Creator”, this statement alone denotes Judeo-Christian roots.
‘Public Agenda’ is an organization that was founded to help our nation’s leaders better understand the public’s point of view as well as assist citizens in understanding critical policy issues. In 2002, Public Agenda conducted a detailed study of more than 1,600 American parents with children between the ages of 5 and 17. The study focused on a preeminent challenge of parenting: “how to raise children who grow up to be responsible, honest, humane, and considerate adults.” This study carefully looked at issues facing today’s families and the task of raising children of good character. “From every direction, today’s popular culture seems bent on emphasizing the violent, irresponsible, and squalid aspects of life. Nearly half of parents (49%) say they worry more about raising a child who is well-behaved and has good values, than about providing for their child’s health and physical well-being (23%), although a quarter (25%) of parents say they worry about both.” (Johnson, 2002) These statistics are a testament to the impact of a decaying moral society that has abandoned its traditional value system.
American Societal Perspective on Homosexuality
The American society’s position on homosexuality has changed dramatically. Laws against sodomy in this country go back to the American colonies, which enacted strict prohibitions against homosexual acts based on the strong influence of Christian colonists. In recent years, homosexuals and lesbians have demanded that people accept their sexual orientation as an "alternate lifestyle.” In 2003, a landmark U.S. Supreme Court verdict overturned all remaining sodomy laws in the United States in Lawrence v. Texas. The court exclaimed:
"A law branding one class of persons as criminal solely based on the State's moral disapproval of that class and the conduct associated with that class runs contrary to the values of the Constitution and the Equal Protection Clause, under any standard of review."
Homosexuals also demanded that benefits be given to "domestic partners" and that we accept gay marriages. Business structures are at the forefront of submitting to the demands of gay men and women. “Approximately 45% of companies within the Fortune 500 offered domestic partner benefits and nine of the top ten companies include sexual orientation in their non-discrimination policies.” (Wikipedia, 2005) The gay rights movement has led to changes in social acceptance and in the media portrayal of the gay community. The portrayal of homosexuality in the media reflects and guides societal attitudes towards homosexuality. Significant portrayals of homosexuality include television shows that glamorize homosexuality such as Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Queer as Folk, and Will and Grace. Homosexuality is just one aspect of where American societal values have changed due to a spiritually amoral stance on leadership values.
Conclusion
“He who walks righteously and speaks what is right, who rejects gain from extortion and keeps his hand from accepting bribes, who stops his ears against plots of murder and shuts his eyes against contemplating evil—this is the man who will dwell on the heights, whose refuge will be the mountain fortress. His bread will be supplied and water will not fail him”. (Isaiah 33:15-16, KJV)
While this study has shown the lack of popularity in contemporary society of addressing morality, it has also cited sources that argue that the moral dimension is critical. Moral strength is essential to successful leadership, as well as to the health of a nation. It is critical that today’s Christian leaders prepare themselves to deal with the value systems clash described in this paper. The US military and the American society is just one example of the moral standards gap, and it appears to be widening. As members of society and those called to lead a young generation, it is probable that leaders will have ample opportunity to demonstrate the importance of moral leadership. I believe that the Christian leaders have an obligation to challenge this moral dilemma. Giving extra care to their moral foundation, moral leaders should reinforce the moral value system that made this country strong.
Glossary
Amorality. The quality of having no concept of right or wrong. (i.e., morally neutral.)
Cultural relativism. The principle that an individual human's beliefs and activities make sense in terms of his or her own culture.
Ethics. A general term for what is often described as the "science (study) of morality". In philosophy, ethical behavior is that which is "good" or "right." The Western tradition of ethics is sometimes called moral philosophy.
KJV. King James Version (of The Holy Bible).
Military law. The statutes governing the military establishment and regulations issued to carry them out. In a limited sense, the term has been equated with the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ) and Manual for Courts-Martial (MCM).
Morality. System of principles based on cultural, religious, and philosophical concepts and beliefs, by which an individual determines whether his or her actions are right or wrong.
Moral Relativism. The position that moral propositions do not reflect absolute or universal truths. It not only holds that ethical judgments emerge from social customs and personal preferences, but also that there is no single standard by which to assess an ethical proposition's truth.
Sociology. The study of the social lives of humans, groups, and societies, sometimes defined as the study of social interactions.
Sociological perspective. A point of view that focuses not on individuals but their group, or society. In that perspective, human social structures, including cultural and governmental institutions and behaviors can be explained using social facts or social forces.
Values. A set of beliefs and ideas about general concepts.
Value system. The ordering and prioritization of the ethical and ideological values that an individual or society holds.
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“…the moral elements are among the most important in war. They constitute the spirit that permeates war as a whole, and at an early stage they establish a close affinity with the will that moves and leads the whole mass of force, practically merging with it, since the will is itself a moral quantity. Unfortunately they will not yield to academic wisdom. They cannot be classified or counted. They have to be seen or felt.”
--Carl von Clausewitz
On War
The value system of American society has become increasingly more relaxed towards the rights and freedoms of individual citizens in establishing and living by their own values. “Morality” has become a dirty word in many societal circles as criteria for determining right and wrong. Leaders sometimes avoid spiritual discussion asserting that it does not impact effectiveness. We can certainly desire only to be effective leaders and describe and justify those traits that will lead to effective leadership. But if that is all we aim for, then we have removed the moral component out of that description and we should not pretend that the resulting traits are ethical. ‘The ends do not always justify the means.’
It is not sufficient that we allow our success to determine what the core morals are. This is because the way we act largely determines the kind of people we become. Since dishonest people and criminals do not live the good life, it would be irrational to act in such a way to become such a person. Leaders require integrity, discipline, accountability, commitment, innovation, and intelligence to inspire and direct others to achieve goals. While this is not intended to be an exhaustive list, nor a complete account of the leadership values, it does illustrate how one can derive and justify relevant virtues.
Leadership versus Management
“Leadership is a function, not a position.” (Lewis, 1996) There is a continuing controversy about the difference between leadership and management. It is possible that a person can be a leader without being a manager (e.g., an informal leader), and a person can be a manager without leading, or manage without subordinates (e.g., a manager of financial accounts). Nobody has proposed that managing and leading are equivalent, but the degree of overlap has been a point of sharp disagreement. The essence of this argument seems to be that managers are oriented toward stability and leaders are oriented toward innovation; managers get people to do things more efficiently, whereas leaders get people to agree about what things should be done.
The current research in leadership is overflowing with books describing the virtues of leadership. Recent authors include Stephen Covey, Principle Centered Leadership (1991); John Kotter, On What Leaders Really Do (1999); Phillip Lewis, Transformational Leadership (1996); Aubrey Malphurs, Being Leaders (2003); and John Maxwell, Developing the Leader within You (1993) to name a few. The argument with the most merit was John Kotter (1988), that “leading and managing are distinct processes…” and that to label people as either leaders and/or managers does little to advance our knowledge or understanding of leadership.
“The word ‘manager’ is an occupational title for a large number of people and it is insensitive to use the term in a way that fosters an inaccurate, negative stereotype of them.” (Yukl, 1998) Leaders and managers are not different types of people but rather the same people in different situations or processes. After reading Kotter, Yukl, Covey, Lewis, Malphurs, Maxwell, and the biographies of military leaders from throughout the ages, the conclusion seems very clear. While the models that examine leadership principles may change, these principles are timeless; this includes moral dimensions. “…leaders who know God and who know how to lead in a Christian manner will be phenomenally more effective in the world than even the most skilled and qualified leaders who lead without God. Spiritual Leadership is not just for Pastors and Missionaries.” (Blackaby, 2001)
Core issue: Moral, Immoral, or Amoral
“The Moral Law causes the people to be in complete accord with their ruler, so that they will follow him regardless of their lives, undismayed by any danger.”
--Sun Tzu
The Art of War
“Morality is a complex system of principles based on cultural, religious, and philosophical concepts and beliefs, by which an individual determines whether his or her actions are right or wrong.” (Wikipedia, 2005) For many individuals, morality is influenced, to a large degree, by religion or theology; but for others, secular and ethical codes are also followed. Religions typically hold that morality is not a human construct, but is the work of God. Such as in the Judeo-Christian religions, the Ten Commandments is held to have been issued directly to mankind by God. Non-religious individuals justify morality on the basis that helping humanity is itself fundamentally 'good' and base morality on humanitarian principles.
"Immoral" refers to “a person or behavior that is self-consciously within the scope of morality but does not abide by its rules.” (Wikipedia, 2005) The thief would agree that stealing is wrong but inconsistently try to excuse his particular act and shoulder the blame onto others by saying that he had no choice and so on. In day-to-day conversations, "amoral" and "immoral" are sometimes used interchangeably. However, "Amoral" must be distinguished from "immoral" in that “amoral persons either do not possess ethical notions at all as a result of an unusual upbringing or inborn traits (such as the so-called Antisocial personality disorder) or else do not subscribe to any moral code.” (Wikipedia, 2005) Someone may maintain that he will do as he likes and let others do the same, if they so desire, without turning this into a general principle. Because whoever says so only expresses his personal preference about the way he is going to act, the position is consistent.
Many organizations focus more on ethics rather than morals. Ethics is an intellectual approach to moral issues that asks questions such as how one ought to behave in a specific situation (for example, is abortion morally permissible?) Wether or not the claim necessitates a specific ethical stance is a matter of debate. As stated earlier, contemporary American society encourages members of its diverse population to establish their own values which leads to cultural relativism. “Cultural relativism is the principle that an individual human's beliefs and activities make sense in terms of his or her own culture.” (Wikipedia, 2005) What follows is that a particular aspect of morality may be questioned or reasoned away, especially by younger generations in society. At times, this questioning extends to the society in general, even to the extent of liberalising laws which prohibited certain behaviors. Such as in the case of abortion, it’s her body or in the case of same sex marraiges, it not my business who marries who. Cultural Relativism also leads to a culture’s justification of immoral beliefs. Such as in the case of racial slurs; ‘It’s fine for blacks to use derragatory words towards other blacks in casual conversations or music videos but it’s wrong for a person of another race to do so.
US Military Value System
“If the theory of war did no more than remind us of these [moral] elements, demonstrating the need to reckon with and give full value to moral qualities, it would expand its horizon, and simply by establishing this point of view would condemn in advance anyone who sought to base an analysis on material factors alone.”
--Carl Von Clausewitz
On War
The US military has a responsibility to itself and society to set and adhere to high moral standards. This requires the kind of moral courage that is critical to successful leadership. It also models a healthy value system for a society that may be in danger due to its own abandonment of such traditional values. The military value system is based almost entirely on the laws that govern it, the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ). The UCMJ applies to all branches of the military including the Coast Guard. Most of the issues covered in the UCMJ include: bringing cases to military courts, the different types of court-martial, treatment and apprehension of prisoners, and the trial process. Additionally, rules and regulations govern military behavior and standards of conduct. It is the very nature of military leadership to promote virtuous behavior for themselves and those who follow rather than passively follow the crowd that is liberalizing its values to accommodate contemporary social trends.
The professional military leader is stuck in the middle of this conflict between traditional and contemporary values, on one hand being a member of a dynamic society, and on the other hand called to lead in an establishment steadfast on traditional moral principles. But you may have noticed that people with military experience have certain intangible qualities. Things like self–confidence, pride and a sense of purpose. The military instills these qualities in enlistees because it makes them good people. By embodying such core values as Honor, Courage and Commitment; men and women build character and confidence, develop strong team skills, and learn to accept responsibility and accountability for personal actions. In the Navy, for instance, the same bedrock principles or core values of honor, courage, and commitment have carried on to today since the naval service began during the American Revolution.
Military Perspective on Homosexuality
The military law expressed in the Manual for Courts-Martial (MCM) and Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ) is clear on the US military’s view of homosexual behavior. UCMJ Article 125, Sodomy, declares: “Any person subject to this chapter who engages in unnatural carnal copulation with another person of the same sex or with an animal is guilty of sodomy. Penetration, however slight, is sufficient to complete the offense.” The MCM provides a detailed description of what it considers “unnatural copulation” that clearly addresses the sex acts of homosexuality. It sets the maximum punishment for guilt of this offense as dishonorable discharge, forfeiture of all pay and allowances, and confinement from 5 years up to life (depending on whether the act is consensual and whether the act is committed with a child). This is just one of many longstanding provisions of military law based on moral acts. Many would argue that the Department of Defense (DOD) policy on homosexuals in the military called “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” has weakened the military’s position on this issue.
By citing homosexual behavior as an illegal act, military law makes a strong value judgment of its unacceptability. Moreover, by describing this conduct as an “unnatural” act, the UCMJ and MCM make a moral determination that homosexuality itself is wrong. Indeed, there is no mention in the UCMJ Article 125 or in the applicable MCM provision of the need to prove a negative influence of this activity on order, discipline, or image of the armed forces. Conduct of the act alone is enough to constitute guilt. There is a historical moral basis of condemning homosexuality in the American society, leading me to conclude that this value judgment is also based on traditional moral principles, such as those found in the bible: “Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman.” (Leviticus 18:22, KJV)
American Societal Value System
“America today is in a virtue deficit where our standards of right and wrong have become increasingly hazy. Out of this haze have arisen great problems within our society including: hostility towards organized religion, sexual exploitation, the homosexual agenda, the demise of the family, and the culture of death.”
--Gary Bauer
President, American Values.org
Similar to the military value system, most of what American society believes to be right and wrong (i.e. morals) is defined by our laws. Centuries ago, our Founders boldly proclaimed to the world a distinctly American faith in democracy; a faith rooted in the self-evident truths that "all men are created equal and endowed by their Creator”, this statement alone denotes Judeo-Christian roots.
‘Public Agenda’ is an organization that was founded to help our nation’s leaders better understand the public’s point of view as well as assist citizens in understanding critical policy issues. In 2002, Public Agenda conducted a detailed study of more than 1,600 American parents with children between the ages of 5 and 17. The study focused on a preeminent challenge of parenting: “how to raise children who grow up to be responsible, honest, humane, and considerate adults.” This study carefully looked at issues facing today’s families and the task of raising children of good character. “From every direction, today’s popular culture seems bent on emphasizing the violent, irresponsible, and squalid aspects of life. Nearly half of parents (49%) say they worry more about raising a child who is well-behaved and has good values, than about providing for their child’s health and physical well-being (23%), although a quarter (25%) of parents say they worry about both.” (Johnson, 2002) These statistics are a testament to the impact of a decaying moral society that has abandoned its traditional value system.
American Societal Perspective on Homosexuality
The American society’s position on homosexuality has changed dramatically. Laws against sodomy in this country go back to the American colonies, which enacted strict prohibitions against homosexual acts based on the strong influence of Christian colonists. In recent years, homosexuals and lesbians have demanded that people accept their sexual orientation as an "alternate lifestyle.” In 2003, a landmark U.S. Supreme Court verdict overturned all remaining sodomy laws in the United States in Lawrence v. Texas. The court exclaimed:
"A law branding one class of persons as criminal solely based on the State's moral disapproval of that class and the conduct associated with that class runs contrary to the values of the Constitution and the Equal Protection Clause, under any standard of review."
Homosexuals also demanded that benefits be given to "domestic partners" and that we accept gay marriages. Business structures are at the forefront of submitting to the demands of gay men and women. “Approximately 45% of companies within the Fortune 500 offered domestic partner benefits and nine of the top ten companies include sexual orientation in their non-discrimination policies.” (Wikipedia, 2005) The gay rights movement has led to changes in social acceptance and in the media portrayal of the gay community. The portrayal of homosexuality in the media reflects and guides societal attitudes towards homosexuality. Significant portrayals of homosexuality include television shows that glamorize homosexuality such as Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Queer as Folk, and Will and Grace. Homosexuality is just one aspect of where American societal values have changed due to a spiritually amoral stance on leadership values.
Conclusion
“He who walks righteously and speaks what is right, who rejects gain from extortion and keeps his hand from accepting bribes, who stops his ears against plots of murder and shuts his eyes against contemplating evil—this is the man who will dwell on the heights, whose refuge will be the mountain fortress. His bread will be supplied and water will not fail him”. (Isaiah 33:15-16, KJV)
While this study has shown the lack of popularity in contemporary society of addressing morality, it has also cited sources that argue that the moral dimension is critical. Moral strength is essential to successful leadership, as well as to the health of a nation. It is critical that today’s Christian leaders prepare themselves to deal with the value systems clash described in this paper. The US military and the American society is just one example of the moral standards gap, and it appears to be widening. As members of society and those called to lead a young generation, it is probable that leaders will have ample opportunity to demonstrate the importance of moral leadership. I believe that the Christian leaders have an obligation to challenge this moral dilemma. Giving extra care to their moral foundation, moral leaders should reinforce the moral value system that made this country strong.
Glossary
Amorality. The quality of having no concept of right or wrong. (i.e., morally neutral.)
Cultural relativism. The principle that an individual human's beliefs and activities make sense in terms of his or her own culture.
Ethics. A general term for what is often described as the "science (study) of morality". In philosophy, ethical behavior is that which is "good" or "right." The Western tradition of ethics is sometimes called moral philosophy.
KJV. King James Version (of The Holy Bible).
Military law. The statutes governing the military establishment and regulations issued to carry them out. In a limited sense, the term has been equated with the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ) and Manual for Courts-Martial (MCM).
Morality. System of principles based on cultural, religious, and philosophical concepts and beliefs, by which an individual determines whether his or her actions are right or wrong.
Moral Relativism. The position that moral propositions do not reflect absolute or universal truths. It not only holds that ethical judgments emerge from social customs and personal preferences, but also that there is no single standard by which to assess an ethical proposition's truth.
Sociology. The study of the social lives of humans, groups, and societies, sometimes defined as the study of social interactions.
Sociological perspective. A point of view that focuses not on individuals but their group, or society. In that perspective, human social structures, including cultural and governmental institutions and behaviors can be explained using social facts or social forces.
Values. A set of beliefs and ideas about general concepts.
Value system. The ordering and prioritization of the ethical and ideological values that an individual or society holds.
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Disobedience to Parents - How This Sin Gives the Wrong Illustration of Heavenly Realities
What is it that a stop sign is saying to a driver when a driver pulls up in front of it? Of coarse the obvious communication is that the driver must stop. But what is the reason for needing to stop? Nothing on the sign speaks of the reasoning for the command. The reason why a person is to stop is supposed to be understood by the driver or he should not be driving. The purpose for the stop sign is for the driver to be able to have sufficient time to carefully consider the traffic and thus proceed safely. Therefore, the value of the stop sign is in the more important reasoning behind it.
God's laws pertaining to how children must honor and obey their parents are like the stop sign. The greatest importance of them is in the reasoning behind them, this reasoning goes beyond the immediate sphere of men's lives. Undoubtedly there is extreme importance in men's lives for God's laws pertaining to family life, and the rearing of children to be fulfilled, for this allows for the possibility (or even provability) of stable and happy lives for children when they grow to adulthood. Yahweh's laws related to parenting have not only an earthly need for fulfillment, meaning they are needed to properly direct the affairs of man on the earth for his immediate good and protection, but also they represent heavenly and eternal realities at the same time. The following is an explanation of the heavenly realities that are reflected by the practice of children obeying their parents, therein, defining the reason for the most extreme cause of Yahweh's hatred in regards to rebellion found in children. For to violate Yahweh's laws pertaining to children honoring their parents is to directly slander the Heavenly realities that a faithful life was created by God to picture.
Disobedience To Parents:
In other articles we have spoken of the truth that the human persons, that of the man and the woman were created by Yahweh to be living mortal illustrations of both Himself and the chief object of His affection: the Church. Chiefly this is seen in the marriage relationship. The very nature of marriage speaks of the obvious provable eventuality of children. In like manner the intimacy that the Lord shares with His own (the Church) brings forth new life. (new Christian believers) So we find that the relationship, and the laws that govern the relationship between parents and children are meant of God to be a picture of the relationship that the Lord has to His own. God is the Father of every soul who has been made perfect, the mother is the Church. The seed of God, (His word) when it is sown into the Church (which then brings to pass the evangelism of the unconverted) brings forth new children to God. When the actions of a child are in disobedience or rebellion to his or her parents and this goes uncorrected, this action brings forth the picture that the Lord will tolerate the actions of disobedience and rebellion in His own children and never correct them. Which suggestion is a lie. For God is a consuming fire. He does not wink at sin, as if it does not matter. Therefore, when defiance and rebellion in a child are left uncorrected this is slanderous to the greater truth that marriage and family are to illustrate in the world. In fact, I often ask my eight year old son this question. "Son, if you can not honor and obey your father and mother whom you can see and hear, for they are right here in front of you, how do you think you will learn to obey your spiritual Father and Mother?" (God and the Church) Therefore I conclude that to allow disobedience and dishonor of children to their parents is to promote the almost guaranteed open dishonoring and disobedience of that soul some years down the road toward both God and the Church.
So what we find in modern America is that the humanistic thought pattern that have sprung forth from man's wisdom (versus obedience to God's laws) have created a society filled with unruly and disobedient children that do not honor their parents or authority in general. This fact reflects that our generation is in itself rebellious toward God. It is that simple. It is no more complicated then that. Yes, we might boast that we are Christians, but Jesus said that "a tree will be known by its fruits". And in the end, the real values of a person are known by what that person does or allows.
The disobedience of children to their parents and the Church, and other rightful forms of authority misrepresents God and His purposes, and is in direct violation to Yahweh's laws, and is hated by God. Therefore parent, you can not wink at your child's rebellion, but it must be overcome by both the grace of God, and the disciplining of the child.
America, turn from the wisdom of men back to the wisdom of the God that birthed you as a people. It has been that same wisdom that has brought you both honor and prosperity in the past. But know this, if you will not repent and turn from the way of men, then your sins will become your undone
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God's laws pertaining to how children must honor and obey their parents are like the stop sign. The greatest importance of them is in the reasoning behind them, this reasoning goes beyond the immediate sphere of men's lives. Undoubtedly there is extreme importance in men's lives for God's laws pertaining to family life, and the rearing of children to be fulfilled, for this allows for the possibility (or even provability) of stable and happy lives for children when they grow to adulthood. Yahweh's laws related to parenting have not only an earthly need for fulfillment, meaning they are needed to properly direct the affairs of man on the earth for his immediate good and protection, but also they represent heavenly and eternal realities at the same time. The following is an explanation of the heavenly realities that are reflected by the practice of children obeying their parents, therein, defining the reason for the most extreme cause of Yahweh's hatred in regards to rebellion found in children. For to violate Yahweh's laws pertaining to children honoring their parents is to directly slander the Heavenly realities that a faithful life was created by God to picture.
Disobedience To Parents:
In other articles we have spoken of the truth that the human persons, that of the man and the woman were created by Yahweh to be living mortal illustrations of both Himself and the chief object of His affection: the Church. Chiefly this is seen in the marriage relationship. The very nature of marriage speaks of the obvious provable eventuality of children. In like manner the intimacy that the Lord shares with His own (the Church) brings forth new life. (new Christian believers) So we find that the relationship, and the laws that govern the relationship between parents and children are meant of God to be a picture of the relationship that the Lord has to His own. God is the Father of every soul who has been made perfect, the mother is the Church. The seed of God, (His word) when it is sown into the Church (which then brings to pass the evangelism of the unconverted) brings forth new children to God. When the actions of a child are in disobedience or rebellion to his or her parents and this goes uncorrected, this action brings forth the picture that the Lord will tolerate the actions of disobedience and rebellion in His own children and never correct them. Which suggestion is a lie. For God is a consuming fire. He does not wink at sin, as if it does not matter. Therefore, when defiance and rebellion in a child are left uncorrected this is slanderous to the greater truth that marriage and family are to illustrate in the world. In fact, I often ask my eight year old son this question. "Son, if you can not honor and obey your father and mother whom you can see and hear, for they are right here in front of you, how do you think you will learn to obey your spiritual Father and Mother?" (God and the Church) Therefore I conclude that to allow disobedience and dishonor of children to their parents is to promote the almost guaranteed open dishonoring and disobedience of that soul some years down the road toward both God and the Church.
So what we find in modern America is that the humanistic thought pattern that have sprung forth from man's wisdom (versus obedience to God's laws) have created a society filled with unruly and disobedient children that do not honor their parents or authority in general. This fact reflects that our generation is in itself rebellious toward God. It is that simple. It is no more complicated then that. Yes, we might boast that we are Christians, but Jesus said that "a tree will be known by its fruits". And in the end, the real values of a person are known by what that person does or allows.
The disobedience of children to their parents and the Church, and other rightful forms of authority misrepresents God and His purposes, and is in direct violation to Yahweh's laws, and is hated by God. Therefore parent, you can not wink at your child's rebellion, but it must be overcome by both the grace of God, and the disciplining of the child.
America, turn from the wisdom of men back to the wisdom of the God that birthed you as a people. It has been that same wisdom that has brought you both honor and prosperity in the past. But know this, if you will not repent and turn from the way of men, then your sins will become your undone
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Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Christian Parenting - Parenting With a Biblical Foundation
Children learn by example. The heart of Christian parenting is to model Biblical character for your children. While easier said than done at times, it serves well to have a visual reminder of what you want your children to be learning. The Bible is very clear on what behavior is expected of us. It is also clear when telling us how to parent our children.
Proverbs 22:6 says to "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it."
Why should your training be focused on the Bible? Isaiah 54:13 gives the answer, "All our children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of our children." There is no better resource for learning about the Lord than the Bible.
The new testament gives an often-quoted command in 1 Corinthians 13:13, "And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love." These characteristics should be the foundation of your Christian parenting.
* Faith is the cornerstone of Christianity, without it, there is nothing. Faith in Christ's resurrection, the virgin birth and the Bible as the infallible Word of God are just the beginning. Faith, by definition, is "confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a person, idea, or thing." Your faith will deeply impact your child's faith. Your child will emulate your faith in his early years, question your faith at one time or another, and finally embrace or reject your faith. Are you portraying an accurate picture of your faith?
* Hope springs eternal, as the saying goes. Unfortunately for many Christians, it is much easier to get caught up in the negativity seemingly so prevalent in the world. However, these are the times to cling to hope the hardest. The Bible states "Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." To abound is to "be fully supplied or filled." How do you react when faced with seemingly insurmountable problems? Your child will react the same way.
* Love. Love is clearly important to the Christian faith. It is the most used word in the Bible. The foundation of Christianity is love, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life" (John 3:16). Christian parenting is rooted here also. Loving our children should be a given. Model love to your child by finding what speaks to her heart and meet that need as best as humanly possible. Model loving others by doing the same for your family. Show your child how you can love someone even when they do something negative. You are the physical example your child has of God. Do you portray God accurately?
While Biblically based, these character traits apply across the religious spectrum, not just to Christian parents. Christian parenting should include more than these three character traits. However, the foundation of your parenting should be faith, hope and love.
Vicki Arnold is the married mother to three young children. Raising respectable, loving children who honor Christ is her passion. You can read about her parenting journey at http://www.SimplyVicki.com
Proverbs 22:6 says to "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it."
Why should your training be focused on the Bible? Isaiah 54:13 gives the answer, "All our children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of our children." There is no better resource for learning about the Lord than the Bible.
The new testament gives an often-quoted command in 1 Corinthians 13:13, "And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love." These characteristics should be the foundation of your Christian parenting.
* Faith is the cornerstone of Christianity, without it, there is nothing. Faith in Christ's resurrection, the virgin birth and the Bible as the infallible Word of God are just the beginning. Faith, by definition, is "confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a person, idea, or thing." Your faith will deeply impact your child's faith. Your child will emulate your faith in his early years, question your faith at one time or another, and finally embrace or reject your faith. Are you portraying an accurate picture of your faith?
* Hope springs eternal, as the saying goes. Unfortunately for many Christians, it is much easier to get caught up in the negativity seemingly so prevalent in the world. However, these are the times to cling to hope the hardest. The Bible states "Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." To abound is to "be fully supplied or filled." How do you react when faced with seemingly insurmountable problems? Your child will react the same way.
* Love. Love is clearly important to the Christian faith. It is the most used word in the Bible. The foundation of Christianity is love, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life" (John 3:16). Christian parenting is rooted here also. Loving our children should be a given. Model love to your child by finding what speaks to her heart and meet that need as best as humanly possible. Model loving others by doing the same for your family. Show your child how you can love someone even when they do something negative. You are the physical example your child has of God. Do you portray God accurately?
While Biblically based, these character traits apply across the religious spectrum, not just to Christian parents. Christian parenting should include more than these three character traits. However, the foundation of your parenting should be faith, hope and love.
Vicki Arnold is the married mother to three young children. Raising respectable, loving children who honor Christ is her passion. You can read about her parenting journey at http://www.SimplyVicki.com
5 Christian Parenting Tips To Help You Create A Loving And Peaceful Family Environment
Parenting is something that requires incredible skill and knowledge yet we are totally unprepared for it. If you've been finding parenting a little stressful at times, you are one of many all around the world! However, God has given us this wonderful responsibility and His Word makes it plain that He considers children a high priority.
Luke 18:16 'But Jesus called them (the parents) to Him, saying, Allow the little children to come to Me, and do not hinder them, for to such (as these) belongs the kingdom of God.' The Amplified Bible
So, we need to ensure that we are doing the best we can to raise our children in a loving environment which also trains them for successful living as a Christian. Parenting tips can be a helping hand in assisting you in successful parenting.
Christian Parenting Tip 1
You are the parent and your authority must always be clear.
The Bible makes it clear that children are to obey and honor their parents. Honor means 'high respect' (Oxford Dictionary). All children respect authority if it is shown in a way that also respects them. Learn to be authoritative in a way that makes sense to your child and without aggression. What does this look like?
- Firstly, mean what you say. It is very confusing for a child if you say one thing and do another. Before you speak, make sure you mean and are able to carry through with what you say. For example, if you say "Come inside now or there will be no TV' and the child doesn't come inside, don't switch on the TV to entice them in, and don't turn it on just because they are whining or having a tantrum. Let your 'yes be yes' and your 'no be no'.
- Listen to what you say; do you sound authoritative? Raising your voice doesn't mean you sound authoritative - it often means you've lost it! If you want to sound authoritative, lower your tone of voice, speak a little slower and emphasise important words. A low, emphasised voice carries much more authority than one which is raised and loud.
Christian Parenting Tip 2
Let them know your reason and the consequences
- make sure you know why you are requesting a certain behaviour (eg the house needs to be tidy for when you come home)
- explain once to the child (eg "When your toys are picked up we will go to the park")
- remind them of the consequence for disobedience (eg "If the toys aren't picked up by the time I count 10 we won't go to the park but will stay home")
- give them one more chance to obey and follow up with consequence for disobedience immediately if necessary.
- if they have obeyed, reinforce this behaviour with a statement (eg "Well done! You picked up the toys and now we will go to the park")
Don't fall into the trap of 'because I told you so'. Don't reason and argue - they will win because if you find yourself losing your calm tone of voice, or using unnecessary physical force, you've lost your authority and their respect. Try not to get emotionally involved in the situation - keep your voice loving but firm, be decisive in your actions of consequence, and be consistent.
Christian Parenting Tip 3
Keep the child accountable for their actions.
Children are quick to blame others. Keep the child accountable for their choices and actions. Use the words "You choose to __________ therefore you choose the consequence of ________". This teaches the child responsibility. It teaches them that there is a consequence to every choice they make. This is a central part of learning called self-discipline.
Christian Parenting Tip 4
Relationship with your child will be more powerful than any discipline.
The Bible says that God disciplines those He loves.
Revelation 3:19 'Those whom I dearly and tenderly love, I discipline and instruct them'
Children respond to disciplinary efforts more effectively if they are given out of a loving relationship. If you and your child have developed a mutually respectful and loving relationship, training will be much easier.
Christian Parenting Tip 5
God gave each of us free will - obedience doesn't come by force
You train a child to be obedient, usually by consequences to their choices and actions. You can't force a child to be obedient and keep their respect for you as a parent. Heavy-handedness may seemingly produce desired behaviour but underneath could be a seething bubble of frustration. Remember, God instructs parents, especially fathers, not to frustrate their children.
Colossians 3:21 'Fathers, do not provoke or irritate or fret your children (do not be hard on them or harass them) lest they become discouraged and sullen and morose and feel inferior and frustrated. (Do not break their spirit)' The Amplified Bible
God's Word talks about disciplining with the rod. This kind of discipline must also be done in a controlled and loving way, never through anger. If you are a firm believer in using 'the rod', ensure that your actions are done within a framework of procedures. Hitting out at a child is not Godly discipline; neither is grabbing hold of the wooden spoon and smacking a child with it. God doesn't discipline us with fear. He should be our role-model.
SUMMARY
Part of successful Christian parenting is raising your child to love God. As parents, you are the child's role model of Father God. Loving authority, like God's authority with us, teaches your child responsibility and self-discipline.
Luke 18:16 'But Jesus called them (the parents) to Him, saying, Allow the little children to come to Me, and do not hinder them, for to such (as these) belongs the kingdom of God.' The Amplified Bible
So, we need to ensure that we are doing the best we can to raise our children in a loving environment which also trains them for successful living as a Christian. Parenting tips can be a helping hand in assisting you in successful parenting.
Christian Parenting Tip 1
You are the parent and your authority must always be clear.
The Bible makes it clear that children are to obey and honor their parents. Honor means 'high respect' (Oxford Dictionary). All children respect authority if it is shown in a way that also respects them. Learn to be authoritative in a way that makes sense to your child and without aggression. What does this look like?
- Firstly, mean what you say. It is very confusing for a child if you say one thing and do another. Before you speak, make sure you mean and are able to carry through with what you say. For example, if you say "Come inside now or there will be no TV' and the child doesn't come inside, don't switch on the TV to entice them in, and don't turn it on just because they are whining or having a tantrum. Let your 'yes be yes' and your 'no be no'.
- Listen to what you say; do you sound authoritative? Raising your voice doesn't mean you sound authoritative - it often means you've lost it! If you want to sound authoritative, lower your tone of voice, speak a little slower and emphasise important words. A low, emphasised voice carries much more authority than one which is raised and loud.
Christian Parenting Tip 2
Let them know your reason and the consequences
- make sure you know why you are requesting a certain behaviour (eg the house needs to be tidy for when you come home)
- explain once to the child (eg "When your toys are picked up we will go to the park")
- remind them of the consequence for disobedience (eg "If the toys aren't picked up by the time I count 10 we won't go to the park but will stay home")
- give them one more chance to obey and follow up with consequence for disobedience immediately if necessary.
- if they have obeyed, reinforce this behaviour with a statement (eg "Well done! You picked up the toys and now we will go to the park")
Don't fall into the trap of 'because I told you so'. Don't reason and argue - they will win because if you find yourself losing your calm tone of voice, or using unnecessary physical force, you've lost your authority and their respect. Try not to get emotionally involved in the situation - keep your voice loving but firm, be decisive in your actions of consequence, and be consistent.
Christian Parenting Tip 3
Keep the child accountable for their actions.
Children are quick to blame others. Keep the child accountable for their choices and actions. Use the words "You choose to __________ therefore you choose the consequence of ________". This teaches the child responsibility. It teaches them that there is a consequence to every choice they make. This is a central part of learning called self-discipline.
Christian Parenting Tip 4
Relationship with your child will be more powerful than any discipline.
The Bible says that God disciplines those He loves.
Revelation 3:19 'Those whom I dearly and tenderly love, I discipline and instruct them'
Children respond to disciplinary efforts more effectively if they are given out of a loving relationship. If you and your child have developed a mutually respectful and loving relationship, training will be much easier.
Christian Parenting Tip 5
God gave each of us free will - obedience doesn't come by force
You train a child to be obedient, usually by consequences to their choices and actions. You can't force a child to be obedient and keep their respect for you as a parent. Heavy-handedness may seemingly produce desired behaviour but underneath could be a seething bubble of frustration. Remember, God instructs parents, especially fathers, not to frustrate their children.
Colossians 3:21 'Fathers, do not provoke or irritate or fret your children (do not be hard on them or harass them) lest they become discouraged and sullen and morose and feel inferior and frustrated. (Do not break their spirit)' The Amplified Bible
God's Word talks about disciplining with the rod. This kind of discipline must also be done in a controlled and loving way, never through anger. If you are a firm believer in using 'the rod', ensure that your actions are done within a framework of procedures. Hitting out at a child is not Godly discipline; neither is grabbing hold of the wooden spoon and smacking a child with it. God doesn't discipline us with fear. He should be our role-model.
SUMMARY
Part of successful Christian parenting is raising your child to love God. As parents, you are the child's role model of Father God. Loving authority, like God's authority with us, teaches your child responsibility and self-discipline.
Christian Parenting - What to Do When it All Seems "Too Much
I received an inquiry from someone who takes cares of kids and deals with their parents. She was seeking parenting advice which, while isn't the primary area of expertise, and there are definitely plenty of better, more targeted articles on parenting that are out there, I was up to the challenge!
Is living in accordance to a "hundredfold" life consistent with our understanding of good parenting?
After all, doesn't it say to pursue Jesus above not only homes and fields but of our key relationships - brother, mother, father, wife, or children - to get back a hundredfold?
In fact, would anyone with their patience tested with the children they have want a "hundredfold"? :)
First, as I often say, "hundredfold" is metaphorical without limiting the literal when appropriate. There are some people who take such to heart Jesus call for the orphans and, in seeking Him first, probably do literally care for a hundredfold children. If anyone can provide "tips for parenting" it would be those people!
I have chosen to address where to experience hundredfold rather than a scarcity of time and patience drawing from the lessons found in Day 25, with the key verse from 2 Corinthians 12:5-10 "My power works best in your weakness."
When we focus on what we don't have and how overwhelming the children are, by definition, our mind and our heart will see all the shortfalls, all the gaps, and feel weak.
This often, deep down, disheartens parents so that frustration, self-doubt, even anger towards their children emerges. Nobody likes feeling weighed down with failure.
But let's step back: according to this verse, our weaknesses or challenges, whether true battles like "thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me" or the broader application of our own weaknesses to handle challenges, our limited energy, attention, and patience, keep you from becoming proud.
Well, you may say, "I'll take being proud over having these obnoxious, rowdy kids any day!" Yes, but he says, "For when I am weak, then I am strong."
In your weakness, where is it you are weak? Define those and within that see how can God show up.
For example, some people's weakness (actually the most people, which is why we spend an entire section on our thought-process in according to Scripture) focus on what is wrong with their children and expend energy.
If you draw on God's strength, what does He do? While He does correct, He also does see the "workmanship" You are, the things that are good, forgives for all offenses, encourages when you stumble.
What if you incorporated that into your parenting, drawing on God's strength instead of leaning into your weakness? Apply that into the life, when seeing a child doing, even just slightly, the very thing you wish they were doing all the time, shower them with encouragement in that moment, not shame.
Again, we could have a whole series on christian parenting, but I would start there to hundredfold: don't spend time within your weakness, let God show you His strength in what to do, let Him show your the strengths He gave you, and know His grace is sufficient.
Is living in accordance to a "hundredfold" life consistent with our understanding of good parenting?
After all, doesn't it say to pursue Jesus above not only homes and fields but of our key relationships - brother, mother, father, wife, or children - to get back a hundredfold?
In fact, would anyone with their patience tested with the children they have want a "hundredfold"? :)
First, as I often say, "hundredfold" is metaphorical without limiting the literal when appropriate. There are some people who take such to heart Jesus call for the orphans and, in seeking Him first, probably do literally care for a hundredfold children. If anyone can provide "tips for parenting" it would be those people!
I have chosen to address where to experience hundredfold rather than a scarcity of time and patience drawing from the lessons found in Day 25, with the key verse from 2 Corinthians 12:5-10 "My power works best in your weakness."
When we focus on what we don't have and how overwhelming the children are, by definition, our mind and our heart will see all the shortfalls, all the gaps, and feel weak.
This often, deep down, disheartens parents so that frustration, self-doubt, even anger towards their children emerges. Nobody likes feeling weighed down with failure.
But let's step back: according to this verse, our weaknesses or challenges, whether true battles like "thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me" or the broader application of our own weaknesses to handle challenges, our limited energy, attention, and patience, keep you from becoming proud.
Well, you may say, "I'll take being proud over having these obnoxious, rowdy kids any day!" Yes, but he says, "For when I am weak, then I am strong."
In your weakness, where is it you are weak? Define those and within that see how can God show up.
For example, some people's weakness (actually the most people, which is why we spend an entire section on our thought-process in according to Scripture) focus on what is wrong with their children and expend energy.
If you draw on God's strength, what does He do? While He does correct, He also does see the "workmanship" You are, the things that are good, forgives for all offenses, encourages when you stumble.
What if you incorporated that into your parenting, drawing on God's strength instead of leaning into your weakness? Apply that into the life, when seeing a child doing, even just slightly, the very thing you wish they were doing all the time, shower them with encouragement in that moment, not shame.
Again, we could have a whole series on christian parenting, but I would start there to hundredfold: don't spend time within your weakness, let God show you His strength in what to do, let Him show your the strengths He gave you, and know His grace is sufficient.
hristian Parenting - an Alternative Parenting Style?
There are many different aspects of parenting that qualify as alternative parenting, including Christian parenting, gay parenting and surrogate parenting. All of these are somewhat normative in that they involve loving sets of parents that take care of their children, but many of the details can create a stir in the hearts and minds of detractors. Whether or not the debate surrounding Christian parenting, gay parenting and surrogate parenting is necessary is irrelevant because it exists and we are inundated with it.
Parenting rights tends to be the biggest issue here. Who has the right to be a parent? What makes someone a good parent? Do parents need rights? All of these questions will consistently remain a fundamental part of the marriage and family debates in North America. The reality is, however, that many people do not know the answers to these parenting rights questions. Moreover, many people don't seem to care.
While Christian parenting and gay parenting may seem to be polar opposites, they are often greeted by opposition in the public arena because of the controversial viewpoints that exist. While on the one hand, Christian parenting detractors vocalize their opinions on the notion that Christian parenting involves teaching children a "mythology" at a very young age without offering choices, they also advocate that this parenting approach traditionally expresses solid value systems in children.
The same perplexing two-pronged sentiments are expressed towards parents of the homosexual persuasion. One the one hand, many people seem to intrinsically doubt the notion that two homosexual people can be parents. On the other hand, people also think that the only requirement of a marriage and a family relationship is for the two people to be loving and capable of compassion in regards to one another. In that respect, one would assume that the viewpoint in terms of gay parenting seems a little bit contradictory.
Surrogate parenting is another topic that often gets thrown into the mix that affects Christian parenting and gay parenting. Surrogate parenting is the controversial practice of seeking out a vessel to carry a child until childbirth and then passing the child over to another parent. Many people object to this practice because they view it as being "baby farming".
This objection typically comes right on the heels of the statement that a surrogate mother is one of the most tenderly giving women in the world because she gives of her own body. This confusing point of view is more evidence as to the perplexing arena of debate surrounding the various types of controversial parenting.
Christian parenting, gay parenting and surrogate parenting are all tough jobs. Let's face it, parenting is hard enough without having the consistent ramblings of a few know-it-alls baffling the particulars of public debate.
Instead of focusing on the various social issues surrounding families in North America, there is a need to band together and focus on the facts. Christian parenting is no different than gay parenting in that the end goal is always going to be the same.
Parenting rights tends to be the biggest issue here. Who has the right to be a parent? What makes someone a good parent? Do parents need rights? All of these questions will consistently remain a fundamental part of the marriage and family debates in North America. The reality is, however, that many people do not know the answers to these parenting rights questions. Moreover, many people don't seem to care.
While Christian parenting and gay parenting may seem to be polar opposites, they are often greeted by opposition in the public arena because of the controversial viewpoints that exist. While on the one hand, Christian parenting detractors vocalize their opinions on the notion that Christian parenting involves teaching children a "mythology" at a very young age without offering choices, they also advocate that this parenting approach traditionally expresses solid value systems in children.
The same perplexing two-pronged sentiments are expressed towards parents of the homosexual persuasion. One the one hand, many people seem to intrinsically doubt the notion that two homosexual people can be parents. On the other hand, people also think that the only requirement of a marriage and a family relationship is for the two people to be loving and capable of compassion in regards to one another. In that respect, one would assume that the viewpoint in terms of gay parenting seems a little bit contradictory.
Surrogate parenting is another topic that often gets thrown into the mix that affects Christian parenting and gay parenting. Surrogate parenting is the controversial practice of seeking out a vessel to carry a child until childbirth and then passing the child over to another parent. Many people object to this practice because they view it as being "baby farming".
This objection typically comes right on the heels of the statement that a surrogate mother is one of the most tenderly giving women in the world because she gives of her own body. This confusing point of view is more evidence as to the perplexing arena of debate surrounding the various types of controversial parenting.
Christian parenting, gay parenting and surrogate parenting are all tough jobs. Let's face it, parenting is hard enough without having the consistent ramblings of a few know-it-alls baffling the particulars of public debate.
Instead of focusing on the various social issues surrounding families in North America, there is a need to band together and focus on the facts. Christian parenting is no different than gay parenting in that the end goal is always going to be the same.
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