Being parents of a 14-year-old teenage boy is difficult enough when they are becoming more and more independent and their body is changing and testosterone is increasing, but when dating comes into the picture, it's even more a challenge. As Christian parents in this fast-paced world and trying to raise our children in a godly way, setting strict dating rules and guidelines is, in my husband's and my opinion, detrimental. We needed to seriously pray about the idea.
The first question my husband and I asked each other was, "Is he too young emotionally and age-wise to be dating?" It took quite some time and many discussions later to come up with a solution to this dilemma. We had to really pray about the decision we made, because there was no turning back once we verbally agreed. So, we prayed hard.
Our son showed us his responsibilities in other ways like working a full-time job during the summer, doing his household chores without us asking, and accomplishing his school work with wonderful grades. So, we took all that into consideration, and we decided that emotionally he probably would be ready.
Age-wise was another consideration. Our son always acted older than his years ever since he was a baby. He wanted to do things that seemed too difficult for him to achieve, but he, most of the time, would prove us wrong. The problem was and still is he thinks he knows everything and we don't know anything! So, with that in mind, we had to approach the big question of dating rules with delicacy.
We allowed him to see this girl he was interested in, but with strict guidance. She was invited to our home anytime within reason, BUT they could never be alone together. Other rules that we had were there was to be no physical contact, except they could sit next to one another and maybe hold hands. Anything else was out of the question. Now, that may seem extreme to some parents, but in this world today, kids are taught by their peers that anything goes. So, dating rules can be quite challenging, in order to reverse that sort of thinking, unless you've done it all your children's lives.
Our son and his new girl friend agreed to our Christian dating rules. In fact, so did her parents. We felt an obligation to "inform" them of how we felt about this whole idea of dating, and much to our surprise, they agreed whole-heartedly to the rules. Our son's girl friend is a Christian, we believe, but we don't know if her parents are as well. Now, some day, when our son is old enough to get married, that'll be another topic to discuss! But, for now, dating is the first crisis in our teenage son's life. And we'll deal with one problem at a time!
Now, our advice for setting rules is just to sit down together with your son or daughter and just talk calmly about the situation. Don't get overly excited about the idea and jump to conclusions like I did as a mom. Pray about the idea together as a family and work out any problem areas that may arise. Don't ever assume anything and always be on the alert. Set strict rules and be consistent with them. But, most of all, don't choke the life out of your teenager while doing so, because if you're not willing to work things out together as a family to make everyone happy, your teenager will find a way to rebel. And that is not the way, in our opinion, to make for a peaceful, happy Christian home life.
Rachel G. LaChapelle is the website administrator for Baby Gear and also a stay-at-home mom for 14 years. Please visit her site for your one source for everything baby...at discount prices
Saturday, August 1, 2009
5 Christian Parenting Tips To Help You Create A Loving And Peaceful Family Environment
Parenting is something that requires incredible skill and knowledge yet we are totally unprepared for it. If you've been finding parenting a little stressful at times, you are one of many all around the world! However, God has given us this wonderful responsibility and His Word makes it plain that He considers children a high priority.
Luke 18:16 'But Jesus called them (the parents) to Him, saying, Allow the little children to come to Me, and do not hinder them, for to such (as these) belongs the kingdom of God.' The Amplified Bible
So, we need to ensure that we are doing the best we can to raise our children in a loving environment which also trains them for successful living as a Christian. Parenting tips can be a helping hand in assisting you in successful parenting.
Christian Parenting Tip 1
You are the parent and your authority must always be clear.
The Bible makes it clear that children are to obey and honor their parents. Honor means 'high respect' (Oxford Dictionary). All children respect authority if it is shown in a way that also respects them. Learn to be authoritative in a way that makes sense to your child and without aggression. What does this look like?
- Firstly, mean what you say. It is very confusing for a child if you say one thing and do another. Before you speak, make sure you mean and are able to carry through with what you say. For example, if you say "Come inside now or there will be no TV' and the child doesn't come inside, don't switch on the TV to entice them in, and don't turn it on just because they are whining or having a tantrum. Let your 'yes be yes' and your 'no be no'.
- Listen to what you say; do you sound authoritative? Raising your voice doesn't mean you sound authoritative - it often means you've lost it! If you want to sound authoritative, lower your tone of voice, speak a little slower and emphasise important words. A low, emphasised voice carries much more authority than one which is raised and loud.
Christian Parenting Tip 2
Let them know your reason and the consequences
- make sure you know why you are requesting a certain behaviour (eg the house needs to be tidy for when you come home)
- explain once to the child (eg "When your toys are picked up we will go to the park")
- remind them of the consequence for disobedience (eg "If the toys aren't picked up by the time I count 10 we won't go to the park but will stay home")
- give them one more chance to obey and follow up with consequence for disobedience immediately if necessary.
- if they have obeyed, reinforce this behaviour with a statement (eg "Well done! You picked up the toys and now we will go to the park")
Don't fall into the trap of 'because I told you so'. Don't reason and argue - they will win because if you find yourself losing your calm tone of voice, or using unnecessary physical force, you've lost your authority and their respect. Try not to get emotionally involved in the situation - keep your voice loving but firm, be decisive in your actions of consequence, and be consistent.
Christian Parenting Tip 3
Keep the child accountable for their actions.
Children are quick to blame others. Keep the child accountable for their choices and actions. Use the words "You choose to __________ therefore you choose the consequence of ________". This teaches the child responsibility. It teaches them that there is a consequence to every choice they make. This is a central part of learning called self-discipline.
Christian Parenting Tip 4
Relationship with your child will be more powerful than any discipline.
The Bible says that God disciplines those He loves.
Revelation 3:19 'Those whom I dearly and tenderly love, I discipline and instruct them'
Children respond to disciplinary efforts more effectively if they are given out of a loving relationship. If you and your child have developed a mutually respectful and loving relationship, training will be much easier.
Christian Parenting Tip 5
God gave each of us free will - obedience doesn't come by force
You train a child to be obedient, usually by consequences to their choices and actions. You can't force a child to be obedient and keep their respect for you as a parent. Heavy-handedness may seemingly produce desired behaviour but underneath could be a seething bubble of frustration. Remember, God instructs parents, especially fathers, not to frustrate their children.
Colossians 3:21 'Fathers, do not provoke or irritate or fret your children (do not be hard on them or harass them) lest they become discouraged and sullen and morose and feel inferior and frustrated. (Do not break their spirit)' The Amplified Bible
God's Word talks about disciplining with the rod. This kind of discipline must also be done in a controlled and loving way, never through anger. If you are a firm believer in using 'the rod', ensure that your actions are done within a framework of procedures. Hitting out at a child is not Godly discipline; neither is grabbing hold of the wooden spoon and smacking a child with it. God doesn't discipline us with fear. He should be our role-model.
SUMMARY
Part of successful Christian parenting is raising your child to love God. As parents, you are the child's role model of Father God. Loving authority, like God's authority with us, teaches your child responsibility and self-discipline.
Carolyn Cutforth is a teacher with over twenty years experience, and a mother of three grown up girls, and three grand-daughters. Visit Carolyns blog HERE
Carolyns Blog
Luke 18:16 'But Jesus called them (the parents) to Him, saying, Allow the little children to come to Me, and do not hinder them, for to such (as these) belongs the kingdom of God.' The Amplified Bible
So, we need to ensure that we are doing the best we can to raise our children in a loving environment which also trains them for successful living as a Christian. Parenting tips can be a helping hand in assisting you in successful parenting.
Christian Parenting Tip 1
You are the parent and your authority must always be clear.
The Bible makes it clear that children are to obey and honor their parents. Honor means 'high respect' (Oxford Dictionary). All children respect authority if it is shown in a way that also respects them. Learn to be authoritative in a way that makes sense to your child and without aggression. What does this look like?
- Firstly, mean what you say. It is very confusing for a child if you say one thing and do another. Before you speak, make sure you mean and are able to carry through with what you say. For example, if you say "Come inside now or there will be no TV' and the child doesn't come inside, don't switch on the TV to entice them in, and don't turn it on just because they are whining or having a tantrum. Let your 'yes be yes' and your 'no be no'.
- Listen to what you say; do you sound authoritative? Raising your voice doesn't mean you sound authoritative - it often means you've lost it! If you want to sound authoritative, lower your tone of voice, speak a little slower and emphasise important words. A low, emphasised voice carries much more authority than one which is raised and loud.
Christian Parenting Tip 2
Let them know your reason and the consequences
- make sure you know why you are requesting a certain behaviour (eg the house needs to be tidy for when you come home)
- explain once to the child (eg "When your toys are picked up we will go to the park")
- remind them of the consequence for disobedience (eg "If the toys aren't picked up by the time I count 10 we won't go to the park but will stay home")
- give them one more chance to obey and follow up with consequence for disobedience immediately if necessary.
- if they have obeyed, reinforce this behaviour with a statement (eg "Well done! You picked up the toys and now we will go to the park")
Don't fall into the trap of 'because I told you so'. Don't reason and argue - they will win because if you find yourself losing your calm tone of voice, or using unnecessary physical force, you've lost your authority and their respect. Try not to get emotionally involved in the situation - keep your voice loving but firm, be decisive in your actions of consequence, and be consistent.
Christian Parenting Tip 3
Keep the child accountable for their actions.
Children are quick to blame others. Keep the child accountable for their choices and actions. Use the words "You choose to __________ therefore you choose the consequence of ________". This teaches the child responsibility. It teaches them that there is a consequence to every choice they make. This is a central part of learning called self-discipline.
Christian Parenting Tip 4
Relationship with your child will be more powerful than any discipline.
The Bible says that God disciplines those He loves.
Revelation 3:19 'Those whom I dearly and tenderly love, I discipline and instruct them'
Children respond to disciplinary efforts more effectively if they are given out of a loving relationship. If you and your child have developed a mutually respectful and loving relationship, training will be much easier.
Christian Parenting Tip 5
God gave each of us free will - obedience doesn't come by force
You train a child to be obedient, usually by consequences to their choices and actions. You can't force a child to be obedient and keep their respect for you as a parent. Heavy-handedness may seemingly produce desired behaviour but underneath could be a seething bubble of frustration. Remember, God instructs parents, especially fathers, not to frustrate their children.
Colossians 3:21 'Fathers, do not provoke or irritate or fret your children (do not be hard on them or harass them) lest they become discouraged and sullen and morose and feel inferior and frustrated. (Do not break their spirit)' The Amplified Bible
God's Word talks about disciplining with the rod. This kind of discipline must also be done in a controlled and loving way, never through anger. If you are a firm believer in using 'the rod', ensure that your actions are done within a framework of procedures. Hitting out at a child is not Godly discipline; neither is grabbing hold of the wooden spoon and smacking a child with it. God doesn't discipline us with fear. He should be our role-model.
SUMMARY
Part of successful Christian parenting is raising your child to love God. As parents, you are the child's role model of Father God. Loving authority, like God's authority with us, teaches your child responsibility and self-discipline.
Carolyn Cutforth is a teacher with over twenty years experience, and a mother of three grown up girls, and three grand-daughters. Visit Carolyns blog HERE
Carolyns Blog
Parenting Tips - Who Do You Listen To?
Many parents love to giving various parenting tips. If you are a parent, you may have encountered a number of them. We have to appreciate their advice as it is based on their experience and experience do count in any advises. However, you may be confused as you could be overloaded with tons of tips and advises. The key here is to know which one is suitable for you and which one may not be suitable.
Determining Usefulness
The first step is to determine if you can or want to use a tip. Obviously, you will ruin into tips that you just do not agree with or feel are just not for you. Those you can disregard. However, more often you will likely be unsure if a tip is useful. Try the following to see if those tips are useful for you:
- Ask yourself if it seem reasonable.
- Determine is you would actually do this.
- Think about how it would work for you and your kids.
If you are still not sure if the tip is good, what you can do it give it a try and see the result.
Trial and Error
As mentioned, the next thing to do is try the tips out. See if they do work. If something doesn't work then let it go. If that tip works for your kids, put it in your list of skills.
Sometimes you can not tell if something will work unless you give it a try and there is nothing wrong with that.
Ways to Use Them
Parenting tips come in many forms and you may wonder how the heck to even use a tip. Sometimes you may feel overwhelmed. When you get a good tip try writing it down and when a good time comes up use it. You do not have to feel pressured to change your style to parenting just because they are the best parenting tips in the world. Let them happen naturally. Use them if you need them. Do not impose yourself to apply the tips as you can drive yourself nuts and perhaps for your kids too.
Parenting tips can be nice. Do not immediately write them off. Try to see if you can use them and you may be surprised at what you can learn. It is amazing sometimes just how great parenting tips can be. Just do not let the people think that you are not a good parent because of your different approach to parenting. Parenting tips are given so that they can build up your skillset.
Be a better parent today! Find out how you can be a better parent by visit Joseph's website for more Parenting Tips. Visit us here ==> http://www.parentingskill.info
Determining Usefulness
The first step is to determine if you can or want to use a tip. Obviously, you will ruin into tips that you just do not agree with or feel are just not for you. Those you can disregard. However, more often you will likely be unsure if a tip is useful. Try the following to see if those tips are useful for you:
- Ask yourself if it seem reasonable.
- Determine is you would actually do this.
- Think about how it would work for you and your kids.
If you are still not sure if the tip is good, what you can do it give it a try and see the result.
Trial and Error
As mentioned, the next thing to do is try the tips out. See if they do work. If something doesn't work then let it go. If that tip works for your kids, put it in your list of skills.
Sometimes you can not tell if something will work unless you give it a try and there is nothing wrong with that.
Ways to Use Them
Parenting tips come in many forms and you may wonder how the heck to even use a tip. Sometimes you may feel overwhelmed. When you get a good tip try writing it down and when a good time comes up use it. You do not have to feel pressured to change your style to parenting just because they are the best parenting tips in the world. Let them happen naturally. Use them if you need them. Do not impose yourself to apply the tips as you can drive yourself nuts and perhaps for your kids too.
Parenting tips can be nice. Do not immediately write them off. Try to see if you can use them and you may be surprised at what you can learn. It is amazing sometimes just how great parenting tips can be. Just do not let the people think that you are not a good parent because of your different approach to parenting. Parenting tips are given so that they can build up your skillset.
Be a better parent today! Find out how you can be a better parent by visit Joseph's website for more Parenting Tips. Visit us here ==> http://www.parentingskill.info
Terrific Parenting Tips For Fathers
A lot of adjustments are required from the father with the arrival of the new baby. He has to make a smooth transition in order to make life easy for his partner and the new baby. His role changes especially if the partner is also working.
Here are some useful and terrific parenting tips for fathers.
1. The new dad has an additional role to play as a caregiver. He is the provider who earns; and a protector, to see that the family is safe and secure, and now is a care- giver. Life is not merely about himself and his partner but becomes all about the baby. It is an encompassing relationship. The transition can be made easy with realistic expectations.
2. New dads find that with a baby, their relationship changes with their partner. The new baby will take up most of mom's time and energy. She will focus less on her partner. But there will be a change for the better. Love grows and blooms in the relationship of three. Working for a common good -- the baby, family and home life can be a great experience.
3. Dad has to bond with the baby. He will not bond as quickly as mom. She spends more time and breast-feeds the baby, thus establishing a very close union. Babies can communicate through touch. Caressing the baby will get you both closer. Have an eye contact as well. Babies love music -- so sing to them. Do not skip the pediatrician's visits. It will make dad learn more and bond better. Bathe the baby; take him for a walk in his pram. Be patient through the whole process. It is an important time and increases that closeness as the baby grows and matures.
About Author:
Pauline Go is an online leading expert in the parenting industry. She also offers top quality articles like :
Unmarried father rights,
Male infertility testing
Here are some useful and terrific parenting tips for fathers.
1. The new dad has an additional role to play as a caregiver. He is the provider who earns; and a protector, to see that the family is safe and secure, and now is a care- giver. Life is not merely about himself and his partner but becomes all about the baby. It is an encompassing relationship. The transition can be made easy with realistic expectations.
2. New dads find that with a baby, their relationship changes with their partner. The new baby will take up most of mom's time and energy. She will focus less on her partner. But there will be a change for the better. Love grows and blooms in the relationship of three. Working for a common good -- the baby, family and home life can be a great experience.
3. Dad has to bond with the baby. He will not bond as quickly as mom. She spends more time and breast-feeds the baby, thus establishing a very close union. Babies can communicate through touch. Caressing the baby will get you both closer. Have an eye contact as well. Babies love music -- so sing to them. Do not skip the pediatrician's visits. It will make dad learn more and bond better. Bathe the baby; take him for a walk in his pram. Be patient through the whole process. It is an important time and increases that closeness as the baby grows and matures.
About Author:
Pauline Go is an online leading expert in the parenting industry. She also offers top quality articles like :
Unmarried father rights,
Male infertility testing
Terrific Parenting Tips For Fathers
A lot of adjustments are required from the father with the arrival of the new baby. He has to make a smooth transition in order to make life easy for his partner and the new baby. His role changes especially if the partner is also working.
Here are some useful and terrific parenting tips for fathers.
1. The new dad has an additional role to play as a caregiver. He is the provider who earns; and a protector, to see that the family is safe and secure, and now is a care- giver. Life is not merely about himself and his partner but becomes all about the baby. It is an encompassing relationship. The transition can be made easy with realistic expectations.
2. New dads find that with a baby, their relationship changes with their partner. The new baby will take up most of mom's time and energy. She will focus less on her partner. But there will be a change for the better. Love grows and blooms in the relationship of three. Working for a common good -- the baby, family and home life can be a great experience.
3. Dad has to bond with the baby. He will not bond as quickly as mom. She spends more time and breast-feeds the baby, thus establishing a very close union. Babies can communicate through touch. Caressing the baby will get you both closer. Have an eye contact as well. Babies love music -- so sing to them. Do not skip the pediatrician's visits. It will make dad learn more and bond better. Bathe the baby; take him for a walk in his pram. Be patient through the whole process. It is an important time and increases that closeness as the baby grows and matures.
About Author:
Pauline Go is an online leading expert in the parenting industry. She also offers top quality articles like :
Unmarried father rights,
Male infertility testing
Here are some useful and terrific parenting tips for fathers.
1. The new dad has an additional role to play as a caregiver. He is the provider who earns; and a protector, to see that the family is safe and secure, and now is a care- giver. Life is not merely about himself and his partner but becomes all about the baby. It is an encompassing relationship. The transition can be made easy with realistic expectations.
2. New dads find that with a baby, their relationship changes with their partner. The new baby will take up most of mom's time and energy. She will focus less on her partner. But there will be a change for the better. Love grows and blooms in the relationship of three. Working for a common good -- the baby, family and home life can be a great experience.
3. Dad has to bond with the baby. He will not bond as quickly as mom. She spends more time and breast-feeds the baby, thus establishing a very close union. Babies can communicate through touch. Caressing the baby will get you both closer. Have an eye contact as well. Babies love music -- so sing to them. Do not skip the pediatrician's visits. It will make dad learn more and bond better. Bathe the baby; take him for a walk in his pram. Be patient through the whole process. It is an important time and increases that closeness as the baby grows and matures.
About Author:
Pauline Go is an online leading expert in the parenting industry. She also offers top quality articles like :
Unmarried father rights,
Male infertility testing
Terrific Parenting Tips For Fathers
A lot of adjustments are required from the father with the arrival of the new baby. He has to make a smooth transition in order to make life easy for his partner and the new baby. His role changes especially if the partner is also working.
Here are some useful and terrific parenting tips for fathers.
1. The new dad has an additional role to play as a caregiver. He is the provider who earns; and a protector, to see that the family is safe and secure, and now is a care- giver. Life is not merely about himself and his partner but becomes all about the baby. It is an encompassing relationship. The transition can be made easy with realistic expectations.
2. New dads find that with a baby, their relationship changes with their partner. The new baby will take up most of mom's time and energy. She will focus less on her partner. But there will be a change for the better. Love grows and blooms in the relationship of three. Working for a common good -- the baby, family and home life can be a great experience.
3. Dad has to bond with the baby. He will not bond as quickly as mom. She spends more time and breast-feeds the baby, thus establishing a very close union. Babies can communicate through touch. Caressing the baby will get you both closer. Have an eye contact as well. Babies love music -- so sing to them. Do not skip the pediatrician's visits. It will make dad learn more and bond better. Bathe the baby; take him for a walk in his pram. Be patient through the whole process. It is an important time and increases that closeness as the baby grows and matures.
About Author:
Pauline Go is an online leading expert in the parenting industry. She also offers top quality articles like :
Unmarried father rights,
Male infertility testing
Here are some useful and terrific parenting tips for fathers.
1. The new dad has an additional role to play as a caregiver. He is the provider who earns; and a protector, to see that the family is safe and secure, and now is a care- giver. Life is not merely about himself and his partner but becomes all about the baby. It is an encompassing relationship. The transition can be made easy with realistic expectations.
2. New dads find that with a baby, their relationship changes with their partner. The new baby will take up most of mom's time and energy. She will focus less on her partner. But there will be a change for the better. Love grows and blooms in the relationship of three. Working for a common good -- the baby, family and home life can be a great experience.
3. Dad has to bond with the baby. He will not bond as quickly as mom. She spends more time and breast-feeds the baby, thus establishing a very close union. Babies can communicate through touch. Caressing the baby will get you both closer. Have an eye contact as well. Babies love music -- so sing to them. Do not skip the pediatrician's visits. It will make dad learn more and bond better. Bathe the baby; take him for a walk in his pram. Be patient through the whole process. It is an important time and increases that closeness as the baby grows and matures.
About Author:
Pauline Go is an online leading expert in the parenting industry. She also offers top quality articles like :
Unmarried father rights,
Male infertility testing
Top 10 Parenting Tips To Raise Happy, Healthy, and Smart Kids
Every parent I know wants nothing less than the best for their children. They want their children to be happy, healthy, and smart. While every child is different and unique, just as every parent is, there are some things you can do to help to insure your child is the happiest, healthiest, and smartest possible. Here is a list of the top ten parenting tips you can use to help insure your child's success in life:
Tip 1 - Command Respect, Don't Demand It. One of the foundations of a good relationship with other people is mutual respect. As a parent you should be commanding the respect of your children, through your actions and words, not demanding that they respect you. As your child learns to respect you in this manner, they will also learn to command respect from others, rather than trying to demand it.
Tip 2 - Maintain Healthy Relationships with Others. Whether it is your spouse or your own friends, it is important that you model good relationship behavior for your children. By having strong relationships with your spouse and your friends, you can show your children how to have strong and healthy relationships with you and the other people in their lives.
Tip 3 - Be a Role Model. Who do you want your children to emulate in their lives, a famous sports star or yourself? Parents should always want to be the number one role model for their children. You want to show them right from wrong, and do this through being a role model who they can emulate in their own lives. Show them how you live and how you do the right things in life even when you are challenged.
Tip 4 - Talk With Your Children, Not At Them. It can be easier to tell your child not to do something or how to behave. However, if you take the time to talk with your children about your expectations, and their expectations as well, you can have a healthy line of communication. This communication channel will grow over the years and you will find that your children will come to you with their issues they need help with. If you talk at your children, they will be less likely to come to you because they will fear a lecture and disapproval.
Tip 5 - Give Unconditional Love and Support. Children are still growing and learning. They will do things at times which you will not approve of, and may not even understand their thinking behind. By always supporting your child with unconditional love, even during the rough times, you can show your child that they will always have your love and support. While you may not approve of their actions, they know that you love them and that you simply do not love the action they took.
Tip 6 - Show Support Though Positive Reinforcement. Never use the words stupid, dumb or other negative words to describe your children. Never tell them they are, or make them feel, less-than. If your children are in school, they will hear enough negativity from the other children when adults are not present. Build them up through positive words at home, so that they will be able to deflect the negative words they hear when you are not with them.
Tip 7 - Eat Smart as a Family. Food habits start from a very young age; what you eat as a child has a lot to do with your eating habits later in life. Start your children off right by offering them whole and healthy foods. If they start eating healthy from a very young age, then they will likely continue to eat well throughout their lives. It is much easier to get children to eat healthy foods if that is the only thing they know.
Tip 8 - Play With Your Children - Often! Children learn though play. By playing with your children you are able to teach them, and they will believe they are just simply playing. Teaching through play is a wonderful way to keep your children both entertained and captive to the lessons you want to instill in them.
Tip 9 - Avoid The Bad Toys, Games and TV. While it may be easier to turn on the TV for your child and let them watch whatever they want this is not a good option. TV will constantly sell to your child through advertisements which are very well designed to make your children want certain toys and games. If you can avoid as many of the bad toys, games and TV itself, you are on the way to having much healthier and safer kids.
Tip 10 - Educate Your Children With Their Toys. By purchasing educational toys for your children you are enabling them to have fun and learn at the same time. One of the best places to purchase your educational toys is through www.mychildplayhouses.com
Hopefully these top ten tips of parenting will help you to raise your children to be happy, healthy, and smart adults while getting the most of their precious childhood years.
You can find thousands of educational toys at MyChildPlayhouses. - your children's educational toys and kids furniture store.
Tip 1 - Command Respect, Don't Demand It. One of the foundations of a good relationship with other people is mutual respect. As a parent you should be commanding the respect of your children, through your actions and words, not demanding that they respect you. As your child learns to respect you in this manner, they will also learn to command respect from others, rather than trying to demand it.
Tip 2 - Maintain Healthy Relationships with Others. Whether it is your spouse or your own friends, it is important that you model good relationship behavior for your children. By having strong relationships with your spouse and your friends, you can show your children how to have strong and healthy relationships with you and the other people in their lives.
Tip 3 - Be a Role Model. Who do you want your children to emulate in their lives, a famous sports star or yourself? Parents should always want to be the number one role model for their children. You want to show them right from wrong, and do this through being a role model who they can emulate in their own lives. Show them how you live and how you do the right things in life even when you are challenged.
Tip 4 - Talk With Your Children, Not At Them. It can be easier to tell your child not to do something or how to behave. However, if you take the time to talk with your children about your expectations, and their expectations as well, you can have a healthy line of communication. This communication channel will grow over the years and you will find that your children will come to you with their issues they need help with. If you talk at your children, they will be less likely to come to you because they will fear a lecture and disapproval.
Tip 5 - Give Unconditional Love and Support. Children are still growing and learning. They will do things at times which you will not approve of, and may not even understand their thinking behind. By always supporting your child with unconditional love, even during the rough times, you can show your child that they will always have your love and support. While you may not approve of their actions, they know that you love them and that you simply do not love the action they took.
Tip 6 - Show Support Though Positive Reinforcement. Never use the words stupid, dumb or other negative words to describe your children. Never tell them they are, or make them feel, less-than. If your children are in school, they will hear enough negativity from the other children when adults are not present. Build them up through positive words at home, so that they will be able to deflect the negative words they hear when you are not with them.
Tip 7 - Eat Smart as a Family. Food habits start from a very young age; what you eat as a child has a lot to do with your eating habits later in life. Start your children off right by offering them whole and healthy foods. If they start eating healthy from a very young age, then they will likely continue to eat well throughout their lives. It is much easier to get children to eat healthy foods if that is the only thing they know.
Tip 8 - Play With Your Children - Often! Children learn though play. By playing with your children you are able to teach them, and they will believe they are just simply playing. Teaching through play is a wonderful way to keep your children both entertained and captive to the lessons you want to instill in them.
Tip 9 - Avoid The Bad Toys, Games and TV. While it may be easier to turn on the TV for your child and let them watch whatever they want this is not a good option. TV will constantly sell to your child through advertisements which are very well designed to make your children want certain toys and games. If you can avoid as many of the bad toys, games and TV itself, you are on the way to having much healthier and safer kids.
Tip 10 - Educate Your Children With Their Toys. By purchasing educational toys for your children you are enabling them to have fun and learn at the same time. One of the best places to purchase your educational toys is through www.mychildplayhouses.com
Hopefully these top ten tips of parenting will help you to raise your children to be happy, healthy, and smart adults while getting the most of their precious childhood years.
You can find thousands of educational toys at MyChildPlayhouses. - your children's educational toys and kids furniture store.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Top 10 Things Your Babysitter Must Do
If you are looking to find a babysitter, here is a list of 10 things that every good babysitter must do or it may be time to find a new one.
1. Like children. This may sound obvious, but it is not. Some people babysit because they think it is easy money and really hate the kids. Find someone who loves children and you will be so much happier and so will your kids.
2. Be trustworthy. You are trusting this person to care for your children and your home. You must be able to trust them completely.
3. Know how to keep themselves and your child safe. Make sure he or she knows what to do in the case of an emergency situation.
4. Be willing and able to actively watch and entertain your child. If your babysitter does not have good enough health or attention span to participate with your children in their day, you can find better care.
5. Have the patience. They will need to handle difficult whining and crying. If you have any reason to believe that your babysitter might fly off the handle and scare or hurt your child, don't take the chance.
6. Be able to stay calm. If an emergency occurs, this person not only needs to know what to do, but also must remain calm and help your children through it.
7. Know first aid. Skills like care of the choking child, CPR, and wound care are essential skills that every babysitter should know.
8. Know who to ask for help. Babysitters need to know where your important numbers are and know when they should use them.
9. Pass a background check. Don't take chances here. Use a service like Sittercity to find babysitters who pass their background checks. You can never be too careful with the safety and welfare of your children.
10. Take responsibility for your children's lives. Every babysitter should be willing to do whatever it takes to protect their lives and welfare. Any less and it is time for a new babysitter.
1. Like children. This may sound obvious, but it is not. Some people babysit because they think it is easy money and really hate the kids. Find someone who loves children and you will be so much happier and so will your kids.
2. Be trustworthy. You are trusting this person to care for your children and your home. You must be able to trust them completely.
3. Know how to keep themselves and your child safe. Make sure he or she knows what to do in the case of an emergency situation.
4. Be willing and able to actively watch and entertain your child. If your babysitter does not have good enough health or attention span to participate with your children in their day, you can find better care.
5. Have the patience. They will need to handle difficult whining and crying. If you have any reason to believe that your babysitter might fly off the handle and scare or hurt your child, don't take the chance.
6. Be able to stay calm. If an emergency occurs, this person not only needs to know what to do, but also must remain calm and help your children through it.
7. Know first aid. Skills like care of the choking child, CPR, and wound care are essential skills that every babysitter should know.
8. Know who to ask for help. Babysitters need to know where your important numbers are and know when they should use them.
9. Pass a background check. Don't take chances here. Use a service like Sittercity to find babysitters who pass their background checks. You can never be too careful with the safety and welfare of your children.
10. Take responsibility for your children's lives. Every babysitter should be willing to do whatever it takes to protect their lives and welfare. Any less and it is time for a new babysitter.
A Godly And Holy Father Is A Blessing To The Family And A Light In The Community
"In a day when fathers are disappearing, write something further on fatherhood." Pleased to oblige!
Almighty God has provided two roles exclusively for males - that of husband and father.
Behind the whole concept of fatherhood lies the Fatherhood of God, and one day Jesus Christ will come back for His bride, the Church, and therein lies the concept of the husband. Now, so many in 'modern society' have wandered far away from these vital concepts.
It was Jesus Christ who gave people the ability to know God as Father, and even to call God, Father.
No man can come to the Father except through Jesus.
Jesus is the way, but the Father is the destination. The ultimate purpose of Jesus is to bring us into a direct personal intimate relationship with God the Father.
This revelation is unique to the Christian Faith.
Many have a warped idea of what the role and function of a father should be.
How repulsive to see on television a father pathetically portrayed as a weak insipid ineffective male.
It was a privileged educational experience for me to be with that Pastor and Headmaster, in Kampala, Uganda, as they shared how they were seeking to teach 400 orphans to become men.
"We will train you to become men! You will face hardships, but we will encourage you to overcome them. Do not simply grow up to be a male, but decide to become a man who will act responsibly."
There is an enemy who hates God, and he will do anything to attack that which represents God upon the earth, by seeking to discredit, destroy and finally dispose of it.
A number of years ago an inaccurate and misleading phrase, 'juvenile delinquent' was used frequently. I found it not only awkward, but untrue, as I came across more and more delinquent parents.
It is not a word frequently used when describing someone - 'godly' - but 'godly' and father can easily go together.
Another equally unused description of a person is 'holy', but both 'godly' and 'holy' express the qualities and characteristics, which God looks for in a man or woman. They matter even in these current times.
These words have almost dropped out of our everyday vocabulary - even in the language used in the Church. What do they mean?
Holy is derived from old English word signifying being whole or healthy - quite simple, and much to be desired.
In the ancient Hebrew language, in which the Old Testament is written, the word 'holy' is used over 80 times in the book of Leviticus alone, and it means, set apart, or marked off - that which is different, separate, sacred.
The related word in the Latin is sanctis implying consecrated, or even blameless.
In the New Testament we are clearly taught that everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted, and that the living Jesus knows how to rescue godly men from trials.
Is it not strange that those who choose to live as God would have them live are warned of persecution, and persecution is presently spreading rapidly all around our world.
Holiness is a unique aspect of God's nature. The light of Jesus Christ reveals the darkness and people resent darkness being exposed.
Jesus was holy, blameless, pure, and set apart from sinners, yet He mixed with them and continues to do so. Aren't you glad?
It is God the Holy Spirit who draws, attracts, separates, reveals and ultimately sanctifies. He always takes the initiative and man responds. What a responsibility - but what a joy!
Being godly and content is to be highly valued, and to pursue being godly is commended - and such a father will be an immense blessing to his family, and a shining light in the community around him.
Almighty God has provided two roles exclusively for males - that of husband and father.
Behind the whole concept of fatherhood lies the Fatherhood of God, and one day Jesus Christ will come back for His bride, the Church, and therein lies the concept of the husband. Now, so many in 'modern society' have wandered far away from these vital concepts.
It was Jesus Christ who gave people the ability to know God as Father, and even to call God, Father.
No man can come to the Father except through Jesus.
Jesus is the way, but the Father is the destination. The ultimate purpose of Jesus is to bring us into a direct personal intimate relationship with God the Father.
This revelation is unique to the Christian Faith.
Many have a warped idea of what the role and function of a father should be.
How repulsive to see on television a father pathetically portrayed as a weak insipid ineffective male.
It was a privileged educational experience for me to be with that Pastor and Headmaster, in Kampala, Uganda, as they shared how they were seeking to teach 400 orphans to become men.
"We will train you to become men! You will face hardships, but we will encourage you to overcome them. Do not simply grow up to be a male, but decide to become a man who will act responsibly."
There is an enemy who hates God, and he will do anything to attack that which represents God upon the earth, by seeking to discredit, destroy and finally dispose of it.
A number of years ago an inaccurate and misleading phrase, 'juvenile delinquent' was used frequently. I found it not only awkward, but untrue, as I came across more and more delinquent parents.
It is not a word frequently used when describing someone - 'godly' - but 'godly' and father can easily go together.
Another equally unused description of a person is 'holy', but both 'godly' and 'holy' express the qualities and characteristics, which God looks for in a man or woman. They matter even in these current times.
These words have almost dropped out of our everyday vocabulary - even in the language used in the Church. What do they mean?
Holy is derived from old English word signifying being whole or healthy - quite simple, and much to be desired.
In the ancient Hebrew language, in which the Old Testament is written, the word 'holy' is used over 80 times in the book of Leviticus alone, and it means, set apart, or marked off - that which is different, separate, sacred.
The related word in the Latin is sanctis implying consecrated, or even blameless.
In the New Testament we are clearly taught that everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted, and that the living Jesus knows how to rescue godly men from trials.
Is it not strange that those who choose to live as God would have them live are warned of persecution, and persecution is presently spreading rapidly all around our world.
Holiness is a unique aspect of God's nature. The light of Jesus Christ reveals the darkness and people resent darkness being exposed.
Jesus was holy, blameless, pure, and set apart from sinners, yet He mixed with them and continues to do so. Aren't you glad?
It is God the Holy Spirit who draws, attracts, separates, reveals and ultimately sanctifies. He always takes the initiative and man responds. What a responsibility - but what a joy!
Being godly and content is to be highly valued, and to pursue being godly is commended - and such a father will be an immense blessing to his family, and a shining light in the community around him.
What the Bible Says About Disciplining Your Children and How to Do it in a Positive Loving Way
What exactly does the Bible say about disciplining your children and how to do it in a positive, loving manner?
Children come into the world with open minds. They see things with fresh eyes. Listen to this list of proverbs (most of them non-biblical... common saying we've probably all heard a thousand times). A teacher shared the first half of each proverb with her young students and let them provide the ending. Listen to the way kids completed these sayings:
Better to be safe than ... to punch a fifth grader.
Don't bite the hand that ...looks dirty
As you make your bed so shall you ... mess it up
You can't teach an old dog new ... math
A penny saved is ... not much
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and ... you have to blow your nose
Children should be seen and not ... spanked or grounded.
Kids come into this world as little sponges... they absorb and are shaped by the influences they are exposed to.
In this article we're going to think about How to raise a child so that the Soil of his or her Heart is ready for God's Word to take root in it. And in doing that, we'll answer this question about what the Bible says about disciplining children.
Luke 8:4-8 (NIV) "While a large crowd was gathering and people were coming to Jesus from town after town, he told this parable: 5 "A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path; it was trampled on, and the birds of the air ate it up. 6 Some fell on rock, and when it came up, the plants withered because they had no moisture. 7 Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up with it and choked the plants. 8 Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up and yielded a crop, a hundred times more than was sown." When he said this, he called out, "He who has ears to hear, let him hear."
There are 4 kinds of soil mentioned in this parable-each soil type represents different conditions of the heart.
FIRST: THE PATH
Soil becomes a "path" when it gets stepped on a lot.
When I was kid, I used to race motocross, you know-dirt bikes. My friends and I were always looking for good place to practice riding. There was this one field just behind a Village Pantry convenience store and we sort of claimed is as our own. We send a lot of time in the field trying to cut through the high weeds and create some kind of track that we could buzz around on... and it about wiped us out! Creating a half-mile of track requires a LOT of weed chopping! We finally gave up and just started riding around where we wanted the track to be. At first it was really slow going... w were basically just pushing weeds over. But the more times we went around... and around and around... and around... and around...you get the picture---the weeds began to disappear... and a path began to emerge! And low and behold, as we continued to ride the path got wider and before you know it-we had ourselves a track! We just trampled those weeds into oblivion!
And so it is with a child's heart. If it gets stepped on, you know, talked "down to" or "at" instead of talked "to"... like a person (trust me-even if a child is too young to articulate this... they can feel it, and it shapes them) again and again, over and over it will become hard (defensive, unreceptive, closed, like a path).
Blaine Bartel, in his book, Let me tell you what your teens are telling me, says, "Young people may act like they wish you lived on a different planet, but they really want your guidance and direction when it come to their spiritual lives. They also want your correction and discipline when it comes to their natural lives."
Blaine goes on to say that what kids need MOST-is TIME. And the most important thing we can do with the time is just visit with them-and mostly listen. There's a great old teaching that says, "If you really want to build a relationship with a person, always seek to understand, before you seek to be understood." This is hard for us parents sometimes. We feel like we've been there and done that so we understand it all just fine and our kid just needs to be respectful and listen! Well, that may sound okay on paper, but in the real world of battling personalities - it just won't cut the mustard. You've got to spend time really listening to your child-seeking to understand them-this will... (listen to this... this is very important) EARN YOU THE RIGHT TO BE HEARD. Respect is an earned thing, not an automatic, inborn right. If you keep this in mind you'll do well.
James 1:19 (NIV) "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry..."
Another awesome scripture on parenting reads, "Train up a child in the way he should go and in keeping with his individual gift or bent, and when he is old he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6, Amplified Version)
Did you catch that phrase, "and in keeping with his individual gift or bent"? What a great phrase! That means every child is unique and that a big part of parenting is observing our kids-watching to learn about them: What kind of temperament do they have? Are they spontaneous or very planned n the way they live? Are the artistic or athletic? Are they a leader or a follower, are they strong willed or pleasers? All these personality traits-and many more-are all part of a child's "individual gift or bent". As parents we are to encourage and shape and mold and point kids in a positive godly direction that is COMPLEMENTARY to WHO GOD MADE THEM TO BE.
Couple suggestions along these lines...
DON'T MAKE UNFAIR COMPARISONS, "I wish you were more like..." Ouch! That's a lap around the track of their heart with your dirt bike! Do that too many time and you'll have a hard hearted, closed kid.
HELP KIDS BE SUCCESSFUL. In other words-as you discover who they are, what their gift and bent is. Give them opportunities to thrive and shine in their strengths-get them those piano lessons, or let them set up their room like a Broadway stage and put on performances, or play that sport, or write those stories, or whatever it is that you see them leaning toward. Be an encourage them to pursue their passion in a God-honoring way-and in so doing you will be "training them up in the way they should go and in keeping with their individual gift and bent.
AN IMPORTANT PRINCIPLE...
Our kids will never "learn" how to live from what we "say" to them alone. They will instead "follow" what they see modeled" by us.
So we avoid raising kids with HARD HEARTS by RECONIZING THEM, giving them time, listening, seeking to understand before we seek to be understood; by observing them closely and supporting them in their areas of strength so they can shine; and by placing an emphasis on MODELING right behavior instead of just talking about it.
SECOND: ROCKY SOIL
In the text what's emphasized is "SHALLOWNESS". The idea is that there's depth, no room for roots dig in and get established. In human life terms, there's no foundation for healthy growth.
I see this all the time in "BIG STARTERS"... "Oh yeah! Sign me up!.... and then a few weeks pass, and their gone... no foundation... no depth.
We've all been there and experienced elements of this, so what causes it and how can we overcome it with our kids? .
If I was going to grow something in my hard, rocky back yard, would I just throw some seed out there and wait for it to grow? No-that seed wouldn't have a chance! It might spout up quickly if it got some rain... but it would end up being burned up by the sun-because it wouldn't have a chance to grow good roots. If I want that seed to grow, I need to get out there and GIVE THAT SOIL SOME ATTENTION. I need to break up the soil, put some good nutrients in it (fertilizer, etc.) and get rid of the rocks. THEN plant the seed. Now it has a chance.
Giving our kids attention in a similar way, via, godly, loving discipline, breaks up the soil of a hard heart and removes those rocks that inhibit growth. It creates depth of character in a heart... and deep character is the fertile soil that allows real faith to take root and grow.
So, so far we've learned that parents are in the listening, observing, encouraging, supporting, guiding, character building and disciplining business. Quit a tall order eh? But it's worth every ounce of energy that we pour into it! And as we lean on the Lord, He will gives us was we need-be it strength, wisdom, or any other means to be the kind of parents He calls us to be.
Now let's define "godly discipline" for a moment...
Here are five core elements:
1. MODELING: Live your faith. Model the kind of character and behavior you're striving to instill in you kids.
2. CAUSE AND AFFECT: Consistently provide boundaries for your kids. Communicate to them what is acceptable and what is not acceptable and when they cross the line-discipline them appropriately. The goal here is to show them that actions have consequences-good choices produce reward and poor choices produce unwanted results.
3. FORGIVENNESS FOR REPENTANCE: Practice this. Teach your kids that genuine sorrow and repentance results in genuine forgiveness. IMPORTANT-It does not always take away the consequences of poor choices, but it does restore us to a good place relationally and allows us to move forward in love and joy with the people we may have hurt or offended with out poor choice.
4. BLESSING FOR OBEDIENCE: This is basic stuff, but it's vital. IF ALL WE TEACH OUT KIDS is that they get punished for bad choices, I guess it may keep in on the straight and narrow... but it 's not going to inspire them or help them grow or aspire to achieve anything big with their lives. BY REWARDING OUR KIDS for right choices we let them experience the joy of reward! God promises all kinds of rewards to us in Heaven for a life well lived! He also promises all over the Bible to bless godly living. Take that play out of God's play-book and make it part of your parenting.
5. AN EVERLASTING SUPPLY OF LOVE AND HOPE. This one needs very little explanation. Love your kids. Always hope for the best in them. Always encourage and support and believe in and support them. This is so powerful and so essential. Love is the one thing that will get you through the tough times. It's the one thing that your kids will never forget. You may blow it somewhere with your discipline, or your modeling, but if you love your kids-they will sense that and that will cover a multitude of mistakes!
By being consistent in those five areas-you will break up that rocky soil and create some depth of character that is ready to receive good seed and produce real growth.
THIRD: THE WEEDY SOIL
Do you know what a "weed" is? It's an unwanted plant. My grandma, growing up in the hills of Kentucky, ate dandelion greens all the time. I tried them once, mixed with turnip greens and they honestly were pretty good. To Grandma dandelions weren't weeds... they were food! But to me, and probably to you-their weeds!
If you've ever done any gardening, then you know that one of the BIG reasons weeds aren't wanted is because they keep the good plants from getting the good stuff (sun, water, nutrients) then need to grow.
There are lots of "weeds" out there competing for space in the soil of our kid's hearts:
PEERS...
1 Corinthians 15:33 (NIV) "Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character."
ENTERTAINMENT: books, TV, movies
Proverbs 4:23 (NLT) "Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do."
WORLDLY PHILOSOPHY
Colossians 2:8 (NLT) "Don't let anyone lead you astray with empty philosophy and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the evil powers of this world, and not from Christ."
As parents we are entrusted with the responsibility of guarding our kids and helping them navigate through the maze of messages, images, issues, questions etc they will encounter growing up. It's out job to help them "make sense" of things. This is why it's so very important for us to have a good solid relationship with Jesus ourselves and be students of His Word.
FOURTH: GOOD SOIL
When we talk about "good soil", we're not really saying that THIS DIRT is any better than THAT DIRT... All were really saying it that THIS DIRT is more cultivated. It's been tilled, the rocks have been removed, it's had essential nutrient replenished if needed, it's been watered, etc. I.e. IT'S READY TO SUPPORT GROWTH!
The principles are the exactly the same when we talk about a child's heart. Every child is a precious gift from God-created in his image-with the capacity to know and love and serve God and accomplish wonderful things with his or her life. Our job as parents is simply to cultivate the soil of their heart through: time, listening, modeling, godly discipline (cause and affect, forgiveness for repentance, Blessings for obedience... constant love) guidance and encouragement..
As we do those things consistently-we will remove the weeds and the rocks... and we'll instill good nutrients and godly principles and truths into our kids hearts... and most importantly as we MODEL a life of faith (NOT A PERFECTLIFE) but a genuine relationship with Jesus... our kids will pick up on that, and it will become part of their lives.
Children come into the world with open minds. They see things with fresh eyes. Listen to this list of proverbs (most of them non-biblical... common saying we've probably all heard a thousand times). A teacher shared the first half of each proverb with her young students and let them provide the ending. Listen to the way kids completed these sayings:
Better to be safe than ... to punch a fifth grader.
Don't bite the hand that ...looks dirty
As you make your bed so shall you ... mess it up
You can't teach an old dog new ... math
A penny saved is ... not much
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and ... you have to blow your nose
Children should be seen and not ... spanked or grounded.
Kids come into this world as little sponges... they absorb and are shaped by the influences they are exposed to.
In this article we're going to think about How to raise a child so that the Soil of his or her Heart is ready for God's Word to take root in it. And in doing that, we'll answer this question about what the Bible says about disciplining children.
Luke 8:4-8 (NIV) "While a large crowd was gathering and people were coming to Jesus from town after town, he told this parable: 5 "A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path; it was trampled on, and the birds of the air ate it up. 6 Some fell on rock, and when it came up, the plants withered because they had no moisture. 7 Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up with it and choked the plants. 8 Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up and yielded a crop, a hundred times more than was sown." When he said this, he called out, "He who has ears to hear, let him hear."
There are 4 kinds of soil mentioned in this parable-each soil type represents different conditions of the heart.
FIRST: THE PATH
Soil becomes a "path" when it gets stepped on a lot.
When I was kid, I used to race motocross, you know-dirt bikes. My friends and I were always looking for good place to practice riding. There was this one field just behind a Village Pantry convenience store and we sort of claimed is as our own. We send a lot of time in the field trying to cut through the high weeds and create some kind of track that we could buzz around on... and it about wiped us out! Creating a half-mile of track requires a LOT of weed chopping! We finally gave up and just started riding around where we wanted the track to be. At first it was really slow going... w were basically just pushing weeds over. But the more times we went around... and around and around... and around... and around...you get the picture---the weeds began to disappear... and a path began to emerge! And low and behold, as we continued to ride the path got wider and before you know it-we had ourselves a track! We just trampled those weeds into oblivion!
And so it is with a child's heart. If it gets stepped on, you know, talked "down to" or "at" instead of talked "to"... like a person (trust me-even if a child is too young to articulate this... they can feel it, and it shapes them) again and again, over and over it will become hard (defensive, unreceptive, closed, like a path).
Blaine Bartel, in his book, Let me tell you what your teens are telling me, says, "Young people may act like they wish you lived on a different planet, but they really want your guidance and direction when it come to their spiritual lives. They also want your correction and discipline when it comes to their natural lives."
Blaine goes on to say that what kids need MOST-is TIME. And the most important thing we can do with the time is just visit with them-and mostly listen. There's a great old teaching that says, "If you really want to build a relationship with a person, always seek to understand, before you seek to be understood." This is hard for us parents sometimes. We feel like we've been there and done that so we understand it all just fine and our kid just needs to be respectful and listen! Well, that may sound okay on paper, but in the real world of battling personalities - it just won't cut the mustard. You've got to spend time really listening to your child-seeking to understand them-this will... (listen to this... this is very important) EARN YOU THE RIGHT TO BE HEARD. Respect is an earned thing, not an automatic, inborn right. If you keep this in mind you'll do well.
James 1:19 (NIV) "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry..."
Another awesome scripture on parenting reads, "Train up a child in the way he should go and in keeping with his individual gift or bent, and when he is old he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6, Amplified Version)
Did you catch that phrase, "and in keeping with his individual gift or bent"? What a great phrase! That means every child is unique and that a big part of parenting is observing our kids-watching to learn about them: What kind of temperament do they have? Are they spontaneous or very planned n the way they live? Are the artistic or athletic? Are they a leader or a follower, are they strong willed or pleasers? All these personality traits-and many more-are all part of a child's "individual gift or bent". As parents we are to encourage and shape and mold and point kids in a positive godly direction that is COMPLEMENTARY to WHO GOD MADE THEM TO BE.
Couple suggestions along these lines...
DON'T MAKE UNFAIR COMPARISONS, "I wish you were more like..." Ouch! That's a lap around the track of their heart with your dirt bike! Do that too many time and you'll have a hard hearted, closed kid.
HELP KIDS BE SUCCESSFUL. In other words-as you discover who they are, what their gift and bent is. Give them opportunities to thrive and shine in their strengths-get them those piano lessons, or let them set up their room like a Broadway stage and put on performances, or play that sport, or write those stories, or whatever it is that you see them leaning toward. Be an encourage them to pursue their passion in a God-honoring way-and in so doing you will be "training them up in the way they should go and in keeping with their individual gift and bent.
AN IMPORTANT PRINCIPLE...
Our kids will never "learn" how to live from what we "say" to them alone. They will instead "follow" what they see modeled" by us.
So we avoid raising kids with HARD HEARTS by RECONIZING THEM, giving them time, listening, seeking to understand before we seek to be understood; by observing them closely and supporting them in their areas of strength so they can shine; and by placing an emphasis on MODELING right behavior instead of just talking about it.
SECOND: ROCKY SOIL
In the text what's emphasized is "SHALLOWNESS". The idea is that there's depth, no room for roots dig in and get established. In human life terms, there's no foundation for healthy growth.
I see this all the time in "BIG STARTERS"... "Oh yeah! Sign me up!.... and then a few weeks pass, and their gone... no foundation... no depth.
We've all been there and experienced elements of this, so what causes it and how can we overcome it with our kids? .
If I was going to grow something in my hard, rocky back yard, would I just throw some seed out there and wait for it to grow? No-that seed wouldn't have a chance! It might spout up quickly if it got some rain... but it would end up being burned up by the sun-because it wouldn't have a chance to grow good roots. If I want that seed to grow, I need to get out there and GIVE THAT SOIL SOME ATTENTION. I need to break up the soil, put some good nutrients in it (fertilizer, etc.) and get rid of the rocks. THEN plant the seed. Now it has a chance.
Giving our kids attention in a similar way, via, godly, loving discipline, breaks up the soil of a hard heart and removes those rocks that inhibit growth. It creates depth of character in a heart... and deep character is the fertile soil that allows real faith to take root and grow.
So, so far we've learned that parents are in the listening, observing, encouraging, supporting, guiding, character building and disciplining business. Quit a tall order eh? But it's worth every ounce of energy that we pour into it! And as we lean on the Lord, He will gives us was we need-be it strength, wisdom, or any other means to be the kind of parents He calls us to be.
Now let's define "godly discipline" for a moment...
Here are five core elements:
1. MODELING: Live your faith. Model the kind of character and behavior you're striving to instill in you kids.
2. CAUSE AND AFFECT: Consistently provide boundaries for your kids. Communicate to them what is acceptable and what is not acceptable and when they cross the line-discipline them appropriately. The goal here is to show them that actions have consequences-good choices produce reward and poor choices produce unwanted results.
3. FORGIVENNESS FOR REPENTANCE: Practice this. Teach your kids that genuine sorrow and repentance results in genuine forgiveness. IMPORTANT-It does not always take away the consequences of poor choices, but it does restore us to a good place relationally and allows us to move forward in love and joy with the people we may have hurt or offended with out poor choice.
4. BLESSING FOR OBEDIENCE: This is basic stuff, but it's vital. IF ALL WE TEACH OUT KIDS is that they get punished for bad choices, I guess it may keep in on the straight and narrow... but it 's not going to inspire them or help them grow or aspire to achieve anything big with their lives. BY REWARDING OUR KIDS for right choices we let them experience the joy of reward! God promises all kinds of rewards to us in Heaven for a life well lived! He also promises all over the Bible to bless godly living. Take that play out of God's play-book and make it part of your parenting.
5. AN EVERLASTING SUPPLY OF LOVE AND HOPE. This one needs very little explanation. Love your kids. Always hope for the best in them. Always encourage and support and believe in and support them. This is so powerful and so essential. Love is the one thing that will get you through the tough times. It's the one thing that your kids will never forget. You may blow it somewhere with your discipline, or your modeling, but if you love your kids-they will sense that and that will cover a multitude of mistakes!
By being consistent in those five areas-you will break up that rocky soil and create some depth of character that is ready to receive good seed and produce real growth.
THIRD: THE WEEDY SOIL
Do you know what a "weed" is? It's an unwanted plant. My grandma, growing up in the hills of Kentucky, ate dandelion greens all the time. I tried them once, mixed with turnip greens and they honestly were pretty good. To Grandma dandelions weren't weeds... they were food! But to me, and probably to you-their weeds!
If you've ever done any gardening, then you know that one of the BIG reasons weeds aren't wanted is because they keep the good plants from getting the good stuff (sun, water, nutrients) then need to grow.
There are lots of "weeds" out there competing for space in the soil of our kid's hearts:
PEERS...
1 Corinthians 15:33 (NIV) "Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character."
ENTERTAINMENT: books, TV, movies
Proverbs 4:23 (NLT) "Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do."
WORLDLY PHILOSOPHY
Colossians 2:8 (NLT) "Don't let anyone lead you astray with empty philosophy and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the evil powers of this world, and not from Christ."
As parents we are entrusted with the responsibility of guarding our kids and helping them navigate through the maze of messages, images, issues, questions etc they will encounter growing up. It's out job to help them "make sense" of things. This is why it's so very important for us to have a good solid relationship with Jesus ourselves and be students of His Word.
FOURTH: GOOD SOIL
When we talk about "good soil", we're not really saying that THIS DIRT is any better than THAT DIRT... All were really saying it that THIS DIRT is more cultivated. It's been tilled, the rocks have been removed, it's had essential nutrient replenished if needed, it's been watered, etc. I.e. IT'S READY TO SUPPORT GROWTH!
The principles are the exactly the same when we talk about a child's heart. Every child is a precious gift from God-created in his image-with the capacity to know and love and serve God and accomplish wonderful things with his or her life. Our job as parents is simply to cultivate the soil of their heart through: time, listening, modeling, godly discipline (cause and affect, forgiveness for repentance, Blessings for obedience... constant love) guidance and encouragement..
As we do those things consistently-we will remove the weeds and the rocks... and we'll instill good nutrients and godly principles and truths into our kids hearts... and most importantly as we MODEL a life of faith (NOT A PERFECTLIFE) but a genuine relationship with Jesus... our kids will pick up on that, and it will become part of their lives.
Monday, July 27, 2009
The Bible's Power Over One Child
I mentioned Sean in another one of my articles, the story of a young foster boy that we were taking care of. Sean's father was my ex-wife's uncle, and they were going through some tough times for a while and their three children ended up as wards of the state. We eventually ended up taking the oldest child because he was the hardest one to place and another home. His brother and sister ended up with a family that wanted to adopt them and eventually Sean went to live with them and I believe all three of them were adopted by this family. I don't know this for a fact though.
Sean was a emotionally damaged child. His parents would punish him with some strange and bizarre punishments. They weren't really physical punishments but seemed to leave the emotional scars on him and I often think about where he is and what he is doing.
We watched him for about a year and I learned quite a bit from this young man. He was in the third grade but was still at the first grade level for reading and math. I would spend a couple of hours each night during the week helping him with his schoolwork, I seem to have created some sort of allusion that I would be able to bring him up to the third grade level within a short period of time. Wrong. He must've had learning disabilities and of course I don't think I was that good teacher.
Sean was easy going, polite and extremely obedient. He would do anything to avoid getting in trouble and often blamed others for his mistakes. His punishments must have been more than he could bear before he arrived at our home. I think you're getting the picture about what kind of a child Sean was.
One day I found myself in a dilemma with Sean, I couldn't get him to tell me the truth, even though I knew he was lying. I forget what the problem was but I remember a hollow look in his face. It was almost like he wasn't really there. It was almost like he was just doing time, sitting on the bed, listening to me asking the same question over and over again, "Sean are you lying", but he wasn't even paying attention.
I normally would not punish my children for accidents, and never tolerated lying. I was trying to explain to him that he wasn't going to get in trouble, I just wanted to know the truth. He wasn't budging at all and stuck to his story. I remembered that his mother and father were Catholics and feared the church, almost as much as they loved it.
That's what I came up with my evil plan. I don't know where I come up with these ideas, but every once in a while one pops up in my head and I run with it.
I told Sean that I was going to bring the Holy Bible in, and if he could swear on the Bible that he was telling the truth, I would accept that and this would be the end of our conversation. I couldn't believe my eyes, as he started crying and screaming, frantically and excitedly as a yelled out, I did it, I did it, don't bring the Bible in, I won't do it again.
I couldn't believe that was all it took to get information from him. I have always been a pretty good interrogator and found myself gathering information from those people easily, but this was amazing. His fear of the Holy Bible got me thinking about how powerful this book actually is to some people. I remember when I looked upon this book, pretty much the same as Sean did.
It's just a book, like any other book. It's not made at a holy factory or a secret monastery in the Swiss Alps somewhere, it's made from paper and ink and can be damaged and destroyed like other books. I would be surprised if I threw the Bible into the fire, that it wouldn't burn. I would be even more surprised, if I seen three men standing in the fire, wait a minute that's another story in the Bible.
Is it possible for this book to actually control the lives of people. It seemed to control Sean, I wonder if I, could have actually been driving a nail home that his parents started. Could I have added to his belief, that the Bible is a book from God the creator of everything.
Greg Vanden Berge is a published author, internet marketing expert, motivational inspiration to millions of people all over the world and is sharing some of his wisdom with experts in the fields of writing,marketing, and personal development.
Sean was a emotionally damaged child. His parents would punish him with some strange and bizarre punishments. They weren't really physical punishments but seemed to leave the emotional scars on him and I often think about where he is and what he is doing.
We watched him for about a year and I learned quite a bit from this young man. He was in the third grade but was still at the first grade level for reading and math. I would spend a couple of hours each night during the week helping him with his schoolwork, I seem to have created some sort of allusion that I would be able to bring him up to the third grade level within a short period of time. Wrong. He must've had learning disabilities and of course I don't think I was that good teacher.
Sean was easy going, polite and extremely obedient. He would do anything to avoid getting in trouble and often blamed others for his mistakes. His punishments must have been more than he could bear before he arrived at our home. I think you're getting the picture about what kind of a child Sean was.
One day I found myself in a dilemma with Sean, I couldn't get him to tell me the truth, even though I knew he was lying. I forget what the problem was but I remember a hollow look in his face. It was almost like he wasn't really there. It was almost like he was just doing time, sitting on the bed, listening to me asking the same question over and over again, "Sean are you lying", but he wasn't even paying attention.
I normally would not punish my children for accidents, and never tolerated lying. I was trying to explain to him that he wasn't going to get in trouble, I just wanted to know the truth. He wasn't budging at all and stuck to his story. I remembered that his mother and father were Catholics and feared the church, almost as much as they loved it.
That's what I came up with my evil plan. I don't know where I come up with these ideas, but every once in a while one pops up in my head and I run with it.
I told Sean that I was going to bring the Holy Bible in, and if he could swear on the Bible that he was telling the truth, I would accept that and this would be the end of our conversation. I couldn't believe my eyes, as he started crying and screaming, frantically and excitedly as a yelled out, I did it, I did it, don't bring the Bible in, I won't do it again.
I couldn't believe that was all it took to get information from him. I have always been a pretty good interrogator and found myself gathering information from those people easily, but this was amazing. His fear of the Holy Bible got me thinking about how powerful this book actually is to some people. I remember when I looked upon this book, pretty much the same as Sean did.
It's just a book, like any other book. It's not made at a holy factory or a secret monastery in the Swiss Alps somewhere, it's made from paper and ink and can be damaged and destroyed like other books. I would be surprised if I threw the Bible into the fire, that it wouldn't burn. I would be even more surprised, if I seen three men standing in the fire, wait a minute that's another story in the Bible.
Is it possible for this book to actually control the lives of people. It seemed to control Sean, I wonder if I, could have actually been driving a nail home that his parents started. Could I have added to his belief, that the Bible is a book from God the creator of everything.
Greg Vanden Berge is a published author, internet marketing expert, motivational inspiration to millions of people all over the world and is sharing some of his wisdom with experts in the fields of writing,marketing, and personal development.
5 Tips For Parents to Deal With Obesity in Kids
Obesity and overweight can be a major problem in kids if not dealt with in time. It imposes both physical and psychological stress on little kids, they do not feel comfortable in the mist of their peers or mates. Obese kids usually dread the company of their mates especially at schools with all the teasing and funny names calling ,probing eyes focusing on them, it can sometimes be so embarrassing to kids, and as a result they may feel inferior and lose their self esteem with social stigmatization, occasionally with a sense of discrimination. This can be telling on kids.
Parents of obese kids should be sensitive to their wards behaviors and urgently take steps to correct any abnormality. It can sometimes be difficult for parents to deal with their kids obesity problems, lets face it, you cannot just start controlling your kids regulating what they should or should not eat, if you do not use the proper approach, they may revolt and protest thinking that he or she is being maltreated. The situation must be handle with diplomacy. So how can a parent deal with this situation?
The first step is to get involved. The major cause of obesity in kids apart from genetic inheritance is lack of physical exercise and excessive consumption of unhealthy foods and drinks, pizzas, burgers, hot dogs, French fries, ice cream, chocolate, etc are all contributing factors. Parents must first rid their kitchens and refrigerators of any fast foods aka junk foods, microwave and processed foods should be things of the past. Every member of the family must be part of a new eating habits, select recipes and cooking methods such as baking, roasting or steaming. Replace deep frying with grilling, make better food selection whenever you go shopping take time to read details of ingredients and other information in the packets especially for new products you are not used to. In this article, I will discuss 5 basic tips that can help parents deal with obesity in their kids.
1. Parents should discourage over eating, controlling portions and sizes should be part of the new eating habit. serve food in reasonable portions, if a kid ask for more, he/she should be served just a little. Use you sense of judgment and No! don't encourage kids to eat leftovers to avoid food wastage, food remnant should be preserved.
2. Encourage outside activities, if you can make a time table for kids to play outside in the play grounds and sometimes go on a walk as a form of light exercise.
3. Discourage the consumption of surgery beverages like soda, processed fruit juices in general try to avoid high calorie drinks. Encourage drinking of water.
4. Fix a time table for watching TV and playing computer games. Parents should not accept eating and watching TV or playing games on the computer at the same time.
5. Monitor your kids school lunches, bag packs should include food rich in fiber, protein, fruits and vegetable must be added. Sugary drinks should be discouraged.
In conclusion, parents who truly want to deal with their kids obesity problem should understand that kids must never be forced to do any things against their wish when it comes to controlling their eating habits, moral suasion should be applied and praises should be given whenever kids do the things you asked them for especially when they obey without any stress, however, try not to reward obedience with food. There are variety of different food diet combination you can choose from to help your kids deal with obesity.
Parents of obese kids should be sensitive to their wards behaviors and urgently take steps to correct any abnormality. It can sometimes be difficult for parents to deal with their kids obesity problems, lets face it, you cannot just start controlling your kids regulating what they should or should not eat, if you do not use the proper approach, they may revolt and protest thinking that he or she is being maltreated. The situation must be handle with diplomacy. So how can a parent deal with this situation?
The first step is to get involved. The major cause of obesity in kids apart from genetic inheritance is lack of physical exercise and excessive consumption of unhealthy foods and drinks, pizzas, burgers, hot dogs, French fries, ice cream, chocolate, etc are all contributing factors. Parents must first rid their kitchens and refrigerators of any fast foods aka junk foods, microwave and processed foods should be things of the past. Every member of the family must be part of a new eating habits, select recipes and cooking methods such as baking, roasting or steaming. Replace deep frying with grilling, make better food selection whenever you go shopping take time to read details of ingredients and other information in the packets especially for new products you are not used to. In this article, I will discuss 5 basic tips that can help parents deal with obesity in their kids.
1. Parents should discourage over eating, controlling portions and sizes should be part of the new eating habit. serve food in reasonable portions, if a kid ask for more, he/she should be served just a little. Use you sense of judgment and No! don't encourage kids to eat leftovers to avoid food wastage, food remnant should be preserved.
2. Encourage outside activities, if you can make a time table for kids to play outside in the play grounds and sometimes go on a walk as a form of light exercise.
3. Discourage the consumption of surgery beverages like soda, processed fruit juices in general try to avoid high calorie drinks. Encourage drinking of water.
4. Fix a time table for watching TV and playing computer games. Parents should not accept eating and watching TV or playing games on the computer at the same time.
5. Monitor your kids school lunches, bag packs should include food rich in fiber, protein, fruits and vegetable must be added. Sugary drinks should be discouraged.
In conclusion, parents who truly want to deal with their kids obesity problem should understand that kids must never be forced to do any things against their wish when it comes to controlling their eating habits, moral suasion should be applied and praises should be given whenever kids do the things you asked them for especially when they obey without any stress, however, try not to reward obedience with food. There are variety of different food diet combination you can choose from to help your kids deal with obesity.
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