As the new school year begins, parents play a pivotal role in their child’s success. Here are 10 tips for motivating your student from GoalSettingforStudents.com.
1. Stress "I’ll Make It Happen" words. Encourage your child to use positive, motivating words like yes, I can, and I will.
2. Minimize "Bummer Words." Avoid using negative or limiting language in discussions with your children. Some of the most common bummer words include no, can’t, won’t, never, maybe, and if.
3. Do the Basketball Shuffle with your child. Play the Basketball Shuffle to encourage independence and responsibility. Write "It’s in your court NOW" on a basketball, and place it in the kitchen or family room to emphasize how the entire family gets the school year off to a good start. Then "pass" the ball to your child to show how he or she is now responsible. Your child can "pass" it back when they need help. The basketball becomes a fun, visual and practical way to emphasize your child’s role in his or her education.
4. Thank You, Ben Franklin. Ben Franklin used the following process week after week for fifty-seven years and claimed it made him a better and happier man. Develop thirteen character traits you and your child want to work on together. Consider honesty, fairness, self-control, order, sincerity, responsibility, self-respect, and kindness to others. Each week select one character trait, and, as a family, work to improve this trait. Provide rewards to the family member who shows the most improvement. Continue the process until you complete all thirteen weeks of character traits.
5. Stress the Importance of Goal Setting. Sit down with your child and set goals for the school year. According to John Bishop, author of the workbook, Goal Setting for Students®, "Students will take more personal ownership for their education when they learn how to set and achieve goals and how to use these principles in the classroom. They will embrace your efforts to help them succeed."
6. Accountability is a Two-Way Street. Both parents and students need to be accountable for a child’s success in school. As adults, parents have to model responsible behavior for their children. Did you promise to volunteer at school, or help with the latest class project? Make sure you follow through.
7. Answer the "BIG" Question. At least three times per week have your child write down the following question, "Did I give my best effort to today’s activities?" and record their answer. If their answer is "yes," reward them. If their answer is "no," have them list two things they will do tomorrow to improve their effort. Writing this question on paper (instead of just discussing it) will imprint the words in their minds.
8. Help Them Manage Their Time. Have a family meeting to discuss the weekly schedule. At the beginning of the school year, it is easy to sign up for too many activities, events and committees. How many activities will each child participate in? When will you have dinner together as a family? When will homework be done? What chores are each family member responsible for and when will they be done? Create a family calendar in a centralized location to keep everyone aware of the day’s activities.
9. Make it easy to study. Create a study area that fits your child’s personality. Do they work best at a desk in a quiet area of their room? Or is the dining room table a better place to work? Does music distract them, or help them focus? Help your child determine the best way to study. Fill a tackle box with commonly used school supplies and keep it stocked. Prevent last-minute runs to the discount store by keeping poster board, extra notebooks, paper and other supplies on hand.
10. Define success—in your child’s eyes. Help your child define what success means to them. Bishop says, "Children need to know that success takes time; success takes planning and a strong desire; success takes setting and achieving goals; success involves helping others. Students need to know it’s their achievement, not ours."
Monday, July 20, 2009
Top 10 Things To Never Believe From Your Teenager
1) It's not my (pot, beer, cigarettes, etc.), I'm just keeping it for someone else.
Yeah right. The next question for the parent to ask is, "If you are keeping this for your friend, what is your friend keeping for you?" One of the reasons parents can get fooled here is that you so desperately want to believe that it is not theirs and they are not doing drugs. It's important to remember that this is something your teen might be counting on.
2) When caught with drugs - This is just the first time I've tried it.
Unlikely. Usually when kids get caught with and/or using some drugs, they have been doing it awhile. They have simply slipped up, gotten caught, and are trying to find a quick way out of it.
3) We don' have homework in that class
Sometimes this is true. Or they have already done it at school. Often times it's a good excuse for not doing homework, or for covering up for skipping class. Either way, it's one of the easiest to check out by talking with the teacher. Which parents need to be doing anyway.
4) The teacher doesn't like me
Maybe so. This is usually just a handy excuse for bad grades or getting in trouble. Either way, it's the kid's job to find a way to make it work, even if the teacher doesn't like them. It's simply practice for the real world, where not everyone is going to like you; sometimes even bosses or co-workers. The interesting thing about this one is the teens solution to the problem. It goes something like this - "Well, the teacher doesn't like me, so I'll show them by flunking the class." And who is this hurting?
5) Of course there will be parents at the party
The answer to this one is, "If that's true, then you certainly won't mind me calling up your friend's parents to see if there is anything I can do to help."
6) Everyone else gets to do it, so why can't I?
Another popular one designed to make parents feel guilty and old fashioned, so they will give in to something they think is wrong. My mother had a wonderfully confusing answer to this one; "If everyone else stood on their head in the middle of the street at three in the morning in their underwear, would you?" Probably would have.
7) Everyone drinks and smokes. There's not a single person my age who doesn't.
Many, many teenagers do. But not each and every one. I know of plenty who do not and have a very good time with what they do. Another one designed to get parents to tolerate behavior they don't like.
8) If you let me off just this once, I'll promise I'll never do it again.
Another one parents want so badly to believe. Unfortunately, what the teenager usually learns here is that the parent really doesn't mean it about consequences. While in some ways it might be easier to let them off the hook, it teaches very little about the real world.
9 & 10) Give me one good reason why I can't do that!
This one gets two places because it is so common and so important. The crucial part not to believe here is that they are really asking for a legitimate answer to the question. After giving a well reasoned adult answer, here is something you will not hear from your teenager, "Well, thank you for explaining it that way to me folks! And now that you have, not only do I no longer what to do that, I'm embarrassed and ashamed for asking. Please forgive me and good night." If your teen ever says this, call me quickly, something is really wrong!
Yeah right. The next question for the parent to ask is, "If you are keeping this for your friend, what is your friend keeping for you?" One of the reasons parents can get fooled here is that you so desperately want to believe that it is not theirs and they are not doing drugs. It's important to remember that this is something your teen might be counting on.
2) When caught with drugs - This is just the first time I've tried it.
Unlikely. Usually when kids get caught with and/or using some drugs, they have been doing it awhile. They have simply slipped up, gotten caught, and are trying to find a quick way out of it.
3) We don' have homework in that class
Sometimes this is true. Or they have already done it at school. Often times it's a good excuse for not doing homework, or for covering up for skipping class. Either way, it's one of the easiest to check out by talking with the teacher. Which parents need to be doing anyway.
4) The teacher doesn't like me
Maybe so. This is usually just a handy excuse for bad grades or getting in trouble. Either way, it's the kid's job to find a way to make it work, even if the teacher doesn't like them. It's simply practice for the real world, where not everyone is going to like you; sometimes even bosses or co-workers. The interesting thing about this one is the teens solution to the problem. It goes something like this - "Well, the teacher doesn't like me, so I'll show them by flunking the class." And who is this hurting?
5) Of course there will be parents at the party
The answer to this one is, "If that's true, then you certainly won't mind me calling up your friend's parents to see if there is anything I can do to help."
6) Everyone else gets to do it, so why can't I?
Another popular one designed to make parents feel guilty and old fashioned, so they will give in to something they think is wrong. My mother had a wonderfully confusing answer to this one; "If everyone else stood on their head in the middle of the street at three in the morning in their underwear, would you?" Probably would have.
7) Everyone drinks and smokes. There's not a single person my age who doesn't.
Many, many teenagers do. But not each and every one. I know of plenty who do not and have a very good time with what they do. Another one designed to get parents to tolerate behavior they don't like.
8) If you let me off just this once, I'll promise I'll never do it again.
Another one parents want so badly to believe. Unfortunately, what the teenager usually learns here is that the parent really doesn't mean it about consequences. While in some ways it might be easier to let them off the hook, it teaches very little about the real world.
9 & 10) Give me one good reason why I can't do that!
This one gets two places because it is so common and so important. The crucial part not to believe here is that they are really asking for a legitimate answer to the question. After giving a well reasoned adult answer, here is something you will not hear from your teenager, "Well, thank you for explaining it that way to me folks! And now that you have, not only do I no longer what to do that, I'm embarrassed and ashamed for asking. Please forgive me and good night." If your teen ever says this, call me quickly, something is really wrong!
Top Parenting Questions
I used to think that when I became a parent I would understand certain things, but now that I am one, the questions remain. I'm sure there are many other parents as confused about these issues as I am. Perhaps those of you who have the answers can help the rest of us to understand.
1. Why do you solicit sexual attention for your daughter?The sole purpose of those short shorts with words across the behind is to make people look there. Rest assured, they look. Adolescent boys. Grown men. Sexual predators. They look. At your daughter. 2. Why do you want that?
3. Why do you steal from your children? When you take over their school assignments or Scout projects you take away their self-confidence. You take away their dignity.
4. Is the purpose of school and Scouts and sports to be-the-best, all-the-time, at-any-cost, or they means to a more important end? 5. Aren't they opportunities for your child to discover him or herself; to develop the skills and the judgement they need to successfully navigate in the world?
6. Why do you spend so little time with them outside of the minivan?
7. Why do you give them cell phones and computers and micro-gadgets that seduce them into the addictive world of techno-anonymity?
8. Why don't you eat dinner together?
9. Why do you rescue them from the consequences of their choices?
10. Why does your family bible look brand new?
I'm relatively new to the "parent group". Please, help me to understand.
Anyone...?
In the July 14, 2006 edition of the Rochester Democrat and Chronicle (Rochester, NY), James Lawrence wrote, "African Americans, including myself, owe it to ourselves and future generations to speak and act against a culture of indifference that has enabled a mindset of callousness and irresponsibility to infect too many black minds, particularly those of young people."
1. Why do you solicit sexual attention for your daughter?The sole purpose of those short shorts with words across the behind is to make people look there. Rest assured, they look. Adolescent boys. Grown men. Sexual predators. They look. At your daughter. 2. Why do you want that?
3. Why do you steal from your children? When you take over their school assignments or Scout projects you take away their self-confidence. You take away their dignity.
4. Is the purpose of school and Scouts and sports to be-the-best, all-the-time, at-any-cost, or they means to a more important end? 5. Aren't they opportunities for your child to discover him or herself; to develop the skills and the judgement they need to successfully navigate in the world?
6. Why do you spend so little time with them outside of the minivan?
7. Why do you give them cell phones and computers and micro-gadgets that seduce them into the addictive world of techno-anonymity?
8. Why don't you eat dinner together?
9. Why do you rescue them from the consequences of their choices?
10. Why does your family bible look brand new?
I'm relatively new to the "parent group". Please, help me to understand.
Anyone...?
In the July 14, 2006 edition of the Rochester Democrat and Chronicle (Rochester, NY), James Lawrence wrote, "African Americans, including myself, owe it to ourselves and future generations to speak and act against a culture of indifference that has enabled a mindset of callousness and irresponsibility to infect too many black minds, particularly those of young people."
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